Anywhere But Here
by CSI1983
Summary: When Sara becomes gravely ill, will Grissom step up to the plate and be all that she needs?  GSR and friendship for all  Rated M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - Disclaimer - I own none of the CSI characters, just the originals. Also the titles of chapters are from movies. As always, please read and reveiw!_

Anywhere But Here.

Chapter One - Intermission

Gil Grissom sat and waited while the rest of his small team gathered around his desk dragging chairs in from the walls. When they were all quite, he began.

"Catherine is not going to be working tonight or for the next few nights to be exact. Lindsey has a cold and no babysitter. Warrick and Nick you guys have a DB at the Nevada Rocks High School."

Grissom handed the file to Warrick and waited while they gathered their things and left, before turning to Sara.

"We have a DB at the local tennis club, where a prodigy was killed. Are you ok Sara, you look a little pale."

Sara nodded mutely, her face closed and her eyes distant.

"Ok then lets go"

Sara followed Grissom demurely out of the room, which shook him up a little. The silence was deafening.

Sara was not in the mood to do anything short of lying in her bed and sleeping for the next ten years. She was going to call in sick at the start of the shift but aside from feeling tired and slightly nauseas, there was no apparent reason for her lack of energy. She just felt off, though that didn't give her any kind of comfort whatsoever. She had decided to go to the doctor's that afternoon, who would hopefully just tell her that she had the beginnings of cold and that she should rest.

"Sara, are you listening?"

Sara shook her head slightly and continued to look out of the window, trying to refocus her attention to Grissom's voice.

"I was just saying the stats on our case. Did you hear any of it?"

Sara shook her head again, feeling a little woozy. _Focus on the case. I need to get my mind off of how I feel. Focus on Grissom._

"Sorry Grissom got distracted, go over it again will you?"

Grissolm said nothing, just glanced up from the road for a second, looking at Sara unbelievably. _What is going on here? _

"Are you sure there is nothing wrong Sara?"

Sara rolled her eyes at Grissom, a look that was lost on him because his eyes were back on the road.

"I'm fine. I think I might have the beginnings of a cold is all. I swear that's all that is wrong. Now this case, who, what, when, where and how?"

Grissom pushed a file towards Sara, before retuning his eyes to the road again.

"Fifteen year old Hilary James was found dead after having been locked in a sauna at White Feather Tennis Club. No witnesses or none at least have stepped forward. Apparently this young lady was on her way to being the next best thing when it came to the tennis circuit. So the people around her had plenty of motives."

Sara had come across a picture of their victim, and she didn't look happy at all. Dressed in a pure white tennis suit, her long brown hair pulled back into a tight plait, there was no smile on her face, and she had huge sad eyes.

"Why do parents do that to their kids? I mean how would she know what she wanted to do at the age that she started playing tennis?"

Grissom shrugged.

"Parents just want the best for their kids I guess. Wow, this looks impressive."

Sara followed Grissom gaze, realising for the first time that the vehicle had stopped in front of very flash lot of tennis courts surrounded by a huge tall imposing fence, watched over by one of the biggest guys that Sara had seen in her life.

"Can I help you sir?"

The man moved closer to the truck, his sunglasses covering his eyes, his smile not exactly welcoming.

"Yes, I'm with the crime lab to investigate a murder."

The man glanced over in Sara's direction.

"ID's please."

Sara pulled off her ID badge from her belt and nodded to the man as he opened the gate to allow them through. There were about twelve tennis courts that Sara could see, each one perfectly maintained, and a few with white figures furiously moving back and forth across them.

"So this was Hilary's life. Not much of one really. And what is it about this game? Running back and forth after a ball doesn't sound like much fun."

Grissom was parking the vehicle and turned his attention to Sara.

"It's not too bad. I used to play a lot. Good way to keep fit."

Sara shook her head slightly. _Yet another thing learnt about the mystery that is Gil Grissom_

"I never played myself. I was more into Basketball and such growing up and now it's jogging for me. So I'm going to guess that we are needed here then?"

Grissom just ignored her comment and led the way through the crowd that had gathered around the sauna area where a body lay under a white sheet. Sara looked around at the people, disgusted by the lack of respect for death.

"Ok people, you all need to clear out. Now"

People slowly left, reluctant to leave with all the excitement going on.

"What is it with people? Do they want to see the body?"

Sara was getting frustrated with the slowness with which the people were leaving.

"Calm down Sara. It's just natural curiosity is all. You would never have become a scientist had it not been for curiosity"

Sara rolled her eyes. She wanted to get this case over and done with so that she could go home and try and sleep. Sometimes the nightmares that dogged her sleeping hours let her be for a while and she could get a few decent hours before the images came again. Finally the last person cleared out and they could get to work. Sara started clicking away with the camera, carefully removing the sheet from the body, trying not to stir up to much movement. Hilary James lay on the floor, a white towel wrapped around her upper chest, her body curled in the foetal position. Her eyes were closed, her lips were cracked and dry blood could be seen. Her skin was incredibly pale, her long hair loose around her shoulders.

"How long would it have taken her to die Grissom?"

Grissom glanced over at the temperature dial on the wall.

"At that temperature, maybe 1-2 hours. Check the door would you Sara? I have a feeling that this wasn't an accident. If she's been playing tennis for most of her life, she would know how to use a sauna."

Sara moved past Grissom and looked at both sides of the door. The side that was in the sauna had faint scratch marks and small bits of blood.

"She was trying to get out. Check this out."

Grissom stood close to Sara his torch highlighting the wounds in the wood.

"What about the other side?"

Sara closed the door slightly to get a better view of the other side. It had scratch marks near the looped handle, very distinctive in their pattern. Two scrapes on one side of the handle and another two on the other side. Sara snapped the pictures while Grissom took moulds of the markings in the door.

"So let's take a stab at this shall we? Hilary is in the sauna after playing a game of tennis and someone puts something in the door that makes it impossible for her to get out, let alone turn down the temperature. I guess now we need some suspects. You done?"

Sara nodded, gasping as she picked up her case. A wave of pain ripped a muffled scream from her throat, the pain shooting down from her shoulder and curling around the side of her right breast. When the pain had finally subsided, her rational mind returned. _What the hell was that??_ Grissom hadn't heard the muffled cry of pain, for which Sara was thankful; she didn't need Grissom on her case about it. She quickly swapped hands, and after taking a deep breath, followed Grissom out of the sauna. What greeted them was a great spectacle of sorts. There were forty odd people standing out of the door waiting for them, most of them no older then sixteen.

"Brass what's going on here?"

Jim Brass looked up from the person he was interviewing and moved over to where the CSI's were standing.

"We need to interview everyone here. I don't know how many of them saw Hilary today and I don't know which ones are friends or family so we need to eliminate them all one by one. Sara if you take that group over there, Grissom you just over there and the rest my officers and I will take care of."

With a nod, Sara moved away from Grissom, deciding to start with the impossibly young girl to her immediate left. The girl was so small that Sara invited her to sit before they started, so that she wouldn't hurt her back. The girl's tennis uniform was the same bright white as the other girl's that Sara had seen, with shoes so sparkling that it was hard to belief they were playing a sport in them. The girl had short blonde hair that had been cut in an energetic choppy fashion, and with her wide blue eyes, she reminded Sara of a Barbie doll that had been given a hair cut by a careless owner.

"Hi, my name is Sara and I'm with the police examining Hilary James's death. What's your name?"

The girl continued to look at Sara with those huge blue eyes, and with a soft steady voice answered Sara's question slowly.

"Clare Wallace. I'm sixteen; I was Hilary's doubles partner. Is she really dead?"

Sara felt her heart breaking for the girl. She looked so small and pale. Sara nodded slightly, and handed the girl a tissue when the tears started coming down her pale cheeks. She waited until the girl had herself under some semblance of control before continuing.

"Where have you been in the last six hours or so?"

The girl looked at Sara, still wide eyed.

"Am I a suspect? I didn't do it! I was playing tennis, in the middle of a match in fact when someone came onto the court going on about a body being found!"

The girl started panicking and it took a good ten minutes before Sara could explain the situation with suspects.

"We need to know where you were so we can discharge you as a suspect, that's all. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm down. We'll start from the beginning shall we?"

Sara made herself more comfortable across from the girl, trying to ignore the growing pain near her right breast.

* * *

As they drove into the parking lot just outside of the main building of the High school, Nick's curiosity got the best of him and his mind was running on overload with the lack of information it could be anything that they found inside the building. 

"What do you think is the case? Grissom didn't give us many details."

Warrick shrugged, his brown eyes focused on getting their cases out of the back of the truck.

"No idea man could be anything. We must be meeting a Brass minion because I don't see him anywhere. Do you?"

Nick had a quick glance around the quad area and shook his head. It was then as wondered around feeling rather stupid that a short older looking man came up to them and introduce himself.

"Hey guys, Detective Caleb Jones. You must be Warrick and Nick, CSI. Well do we have a doozy for you two."

He led them down a few hallways and into one of the classrooms, where the body lay.

"This is Kimberly Felton. She was found about an hour ago. No one has actually been into the room aside form the emergency guys but once she was pronounced, they cleared out. Enjoy yourselves; give us a call if you need anything."

Nick and Warrick both waved their thanks and moved further into the room, stepping carefully. She was lying on the floor near the front of the room, close to the teacher's desk. Her arms were by her side and her hips were twisted slightly, so that her legs lay on an angle, her blonde hair fanning behind her. Nick moved closer still, and after examining her neck for a few seconds, made his call on the cause of death.

"We've got ligature marks. She was strangled. The marks are very thick though, like from a belt of some sort."

Warrick moved in closer to crouch beside Nick and the body, his torch following the trail of Nick's.

"A close intimate killing. This girl knew who ever did this too her. Let's work the scene and then go and find us some suspects."

After processing the scene, they went to track down Caleb Jones, but were instead welcomed by a small circle of scantily dressed girls, who were crying hysterically.

"Excuse me Mr. how did Kimberly die? We were her best friends and we demand to know what is going on."

The girl was tall with long blond hair and was wearing a shot blue and marron cheerleading outfit.

"I can't divulge anything I'm sorry ladies, but we have to go and talk to someone, excuse us."

Nick and Warrick pushed past the small flock of girls, and physically bumped into Detective Jones.

"Hey guys, I was just coming to see how you were doing. How did it go?"

Nick nodded his eyes going back to the young girls in the hall.

"It went fine. Why is it that these girls are still here? They should have been cleared out along with the rest of the school."

Billy shrugged.

"They refused to leave and if we manhandle them who knows what lawsuits would pop up. So do you want the good news or the bad?"

Warrick took the sheet of paper offered by the detective.

"The bad. It's always good to start low. What's up?"

"No witnesses. Nobody saw the girl go into the room or anybody come out for that matter. I interviewed the girls and she didn't have a boyfriend as far as they knew but you know what it's like in high school when your parts of the popular crowd, the relationships are shallow. I haven't interviewed the parent's yet, they have gone back home. The good news is that we know that the class room belongs to a Mr. Carlos Divolo, an English teacher. He was in the bathroom apparently when all this happened."

Nick looked over the statements that the girls had given, and decided to do them again. He turned to Warrick smiling.

"Hey dude, do you think if we turned on our charm we might be able to get more out of those girls? You up for a challenge?"

Warrick grinned widely.

"Do I hear a bet, Stokes?"

Nick nodded, feeling confident.

"You got it in one, Brown"

Detective Jones was smiling slightly to himself. Even though he had moved here a couple of months ago, he had heard long ago about the night shift of the CSI team, about the unique way they did things. He had also heard how they tended to be a law unto their own, and with the second highest solving rate in the country it was something he respected and admired. He watched as Warrick took a few minutes to think the question over and smiled at the answer.

"How about a hundred dollars? I've done more then enough over time to cover any loss"

Nick smiled widely. Warrick held out his hand and smiled as it was taken by Nick in a strong warm handshake.

"You're on mate. Ok so there are six girls, you take the left I'll take the right. Let's do this."

And with that Nick and Warrick moved apart slightly, each determined to win, neither of them wanting to lose the bet.

* * *

Sara had finally gotten some calm sane answers from the girl along with a few others; she was just waiting for Grissom to finish up before they moved on to interviewing the step father. She felt less confidant dealing with the grieving then she did with the killers and rapists that came their way. Grissom was in no way a people person, but she knew she would feel more confident with him there. 

"What did you get off those girls?"

Grissom had pulled alongside her, looking over her shoulder at the notebook she held in her hands which was covered in her rounded scrawl. Sara handed the notebook to Grissom, waiting as he skimmed over it.

"She had a doubles partner? I thought Hilary was strictly singles. "Interesting. So we up to the step-father are we? Do we know his name?"

Sara nodded and turned a few pages before pointing out the name lost amongst a long list of others.

"Harry James. Hilary's mother died about six years ago of breast cancer, and then Mr. James officially adopted her as his daughter. He's the one standing over there."

Sara pointed him out with her pen, making sure the man was not looking her way before doing so, knowing that Grissom would want to study him before moving over there.

"How old is he?"

Sara pointed to a number on the page again.

"Forty-five. He was also Hilary's tennis coach, as well as he parent. She was home schooled and tennis was her life. Pretty sad existence for a sixteen-year-old if you ask me."

Grissom handed Sara back her notebook, turning to her and fixing her under one of his serious gazes.

"Are you sure you are ok? You seem a little snappy. Is working this case going to be a problem because I need to know now."

Sara shook her head, picking up her case with her left hand instead of her right, not wanting the pain that had finally faded to come back with vengeance.

"No I'm fine. Let's get this over with."

Grissom followed suit, deciding to keep a close eye on Sara from here on in. If there was anything going on, he didn't want it slipping under his radar like her drinking had. There was not going to be a repeat performance on his side of things. Mr. James was a lot younger then his age would have lead Grissom to believe. This man led a very healthy lifestyle and that was evident in not only his body but his face also. His hair was a rich brown, no grey in sight, his body was lean and loose, and he was tan, obviously from all the hours of tennis he has played in his time.

"Hello, Mr. James. I'm Gil Grissom from the Las Vegas crime lab and this is my colleague Sara Sidle. We are sorry for your loss."

Mr. James held out his hand and smiled sadly at them both.

"Please call me Harry. Thank you for helping with my daughter's murder. Do you have any leads as of yet?"

Sara shook her head as she shook Harry's hand.

"Not yet sir, we are still in our preliminary findings. Do you know anyone who would want to hurt your daughter?"

Harry laughed bitterly, his arms now crossed over his chest.

"Who didn't want to hurt her? She was a prodigy and half of the girls here would have killed to get into her spot on the tennis rankings. She ranked sixth in the under-eighteens. That's the whole world, not just USA. She had a lot of enemies because of her extraordinary talent."

Grissom raised an eyebrow at the world ranking comment, his face taking on one of interest.

"When did she start playing?"

Harry's face softened, and he ran his hands through his hair, revealing a tattoo of a dragon on his right wrist.

"When she was three. I know that people will judge us because we started her so young, but my wife and I saw something in her that no other three year old had. My wife thought it was just in her head and that Hilary was just good at hitting balls but when we got married just before Hilary's third birthday, I saw it too. When she was eight we asked her if she wanted to keep playing, and then again at twelve, and just last week I asked her again. It was her choice to continue and nobody else's."

Harry shot Sara a look; one that made her feel like he knew that she had judged him earlier, even though she was more then ready to take back her last opinion. She believed that he had loved Hilary and that he had just wanted the best for her.

"So you were part of her life for a while there, so why did it take her mothers death to push up the adoption process?"

Harry shrugged at Sara's question.

"I guess I always pictured us as a family forever. It never came up and then when Fiona was dying she said that she wanted me to legally adopt Hilary, not just so I could become her father but also to keep her out of foster care and away from her grandparents. They thought that I forced her into playing tennis, even though I was the one paying for court time and the travel costs that come with playing the game. Hilary has travelled to more places then any other sixteen year old that she knows, and she has learnt more then most. If anything, they should be thanking me for making their only grand daughter so well rounded."

He stopped talking then as a wave of tears came over him, and Sara looked at the grounds surrounding them, trying to give the man some sort of privacy even though she couldn't move away. Grissom on the other hand continued to look at the man with the same intensity that he did everything else.

"You were her coach as well as father. That must have been a hard role to fill."

Harry wiped his tears with the back of his hand, and locked eyes with Grissom, returning the intensity.

"I didn't kill her if that is what you are thinking. She was my daughter and I loved her."

Grissom shrugged, not quite so ready to believe the man.

"Many have killed for less. We will do everything in our power to find who killed your daughter, so I would advise that if there is anything you need to tell us that you do it now before the circumstances get any bigger."

Harry shook his head, anger flashing over his face.

"I didn't kill my daughter. I was giving a private lesson to Christina Dawson, whom I guess you have interviewed, so stop wasting your time with me and go and catch the bastard that did this to my daughter."

Grissom nodded curtly and moved away from the man, Sara following a little stunned. She had never seen Grissom interview a suspect with quite that much aggression. It wasn't until they were headed back to the lab that she questioned him on it.

"What was with the Brass questioning? Were you trying to see how much more the man could take?"

Grissom shook his head and adjusted his sunglasses slightly.

"He was too calm and it was making me suspicious, but when I pushed he reacted. He's not our guy. Someone else we interviewed killed that girl. Did we get any prints?"

Sara laughed bitterly.

"Yeah hundreds. With about the same amount of tennis rackets in the back. Greg is going to hate us."

Grissom shrugged.

"It's his job. It's not our fault that murders happen where hundreds of people happen to be. So do you still have the same opinion on the father? On making Hilary's life tennis?"

Sara thought for a moment trying to find the way to gracefully admit that she was wrong.

"I believe him when he said he asked her. It would be easy enough for her to just run away from that life. It must have been hard on her losing her mother like that though."

Grissom nodded.

"It would have been but maybe tennis was her release from all of the pain. We can't really judge something that we know nothing about."

The truck jumped violently as it ran into a pothole that Grissom had failed to see. Sara cursed under her breath as the pain went ripping through her upper right side again, making her eyes water and her breathing ragged.

"They really need to fix these potholes. They should use the tax money for that."

Grissom continued driving, oblivious that Sara was sitting in extreme pain, trying to keep tears that had welled up from spilling.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N - As promised to some, here is chapter two. I hope to have this finished soon but it looks like it's going to be a long story with lots of medical terms and definitions. But rest assured, I always do my research and what you read is true and a reality within the public realm. As always, please continue to read and reveiw, they help me to annoy my flatmates as I read them out with pride. So watch what you say people, others will hear them:) _

Chapter Two – Running With Scissors

"I hate you. I really do."

Greg stared matter-of-factly at Sara, nodding his affirmation. Sara had just given him all of the samples and tennis rackets that Grissom and herself had collected, dumping them onto Greg's already messy desk.

"It's not my fault you chose this job. Nor is it my fault that people kill."

Sara stared Greg down with a cold gaze and walked out of the office, her arm's crossed across her chest loosely, trying to keep her pain to a minimum, and went to go and hunt down Grissom, who surprise, surprise, had disappeared again. She found him in his office, surrounded by undone paperwork and his precious bugs, eating from a small pile of chocolate crickets, classical music playing softly in the background.

"I was right, Greg hates me. But he'll get over it and quite frankly I don't have the energy to care."

Sara tired voice gained Grissom's attention more then her actual presence did, his glasses perched dangerously close to the end of his nose. Sara took this as acknowledgement and sat down across from the older man, moving very carefully, trying not to reproduce the pain that had finally faded.

"Go and have a shower then. We can't do anything really until we hear from Doc. I'll page you if something should come up."

Sara nodded, gratefully accepting Grissom's surprisingly generous offer.

"If you're sure, then I promise I won't take long. Enjoy the last of your crickets."

Sara left Grissom's office quietly and headed for the locker room, which was empty, no big surprise really since Warrick and Nick were still out on their case. Taking a set of spare clothes out of her locker, she turned on the shower, stripped and jumped in, the hot water waking her senses immediately. It wasn't until she raised her arms to wash her hair that the pain returned, making her cry out, the sound echoing around the tiled room. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ With a slow hand, she lightly checked under her arm, and then down the curve, stopping at the side of her right breast when she found a small but very pronounced lump, and then applying pressure, jumped as the pain shot sharply down her side again. _It's nothing. Must be a cyst that grew on a muscle, that's it, nothing else. It can't be anything else. _In a somewhat trance like state, Sara finished her shower, her new mantra running like a broken record through her head. _It's a cyst, nothing else….It's a cyst nothing else…._ She dressed quickly, almost forgetting to button her shirt and do up her pants in her hurry to get back to work. She marched back into Grissom's office with the same hurricane look, her hair dishevelled, her clothes patched with wet where she didn't dry herself properly, her wet hair leaving a trail of damp down her back that reached all the way to the top of her pants. She didn't sit as Grissom expected but stood, and paced, her hand under her right arm.

"Heard anything yet?"

Grissom shook his head to Sara's question, her movements making him concerned. He had seen Sara restless before, seen her ready to jump out of her skin with impatience, but this was new. She didn't sit she paced, her long strides covering the small space in a step or two before turning on her heel and starting again, her hand still tucked under her right arm. What also gained Grissom's attention was Sara's lack of dryness, and the way her clothes didn't quite sit right, it was also not much fun for him when she turned on her heel, because every time she did, a small spray of water would land on his paperwork.

"Sara, are you ok? "

Sara nodded stiffly, and continued her pacing, Grissom watching her the whole time, feeling like he was at a tennis match, his eyes going back and forth. The silence fell pretty soon after that, Grissom leaving Sara to her pacing as he resumed his paperwork, disturbed only when his beeper went off and then a few seconds later Sara's did the same, and before Grissom could react, Sara was out the door, and Grissom could only guess was headed to the morgue._ Something is up. I can't quite put my finger on it but something is wrong. The question is what?_ Grissom followed her, his pace less urgent, lost in his thoughts. It wasn't until he got to the morgue push door that he got to stand back and watch Sara some more. Usually when he observed Sara it was with admiration, the way she moved, the way she worked, the way she questioned what she didn't know, how quickly she learnt things and her true natural beauty. These things he saw in her from the day she had walked into his first class all those years ago at Harvard. She was late, and the only real reason he had noticed her was because she sat near the front, blatantly eating a bag of potato chips poorly hidden under her coat, despite the no food or liquids rule for the classrooms, daring to sip at a Starbucks coffee when she thought his back was turned. And then when he asked the class a question or wanted an explanation for something, Sara's hand was up every time, and she would earnestly take notes as he spoke, making him feel as if that pretty young women with the disregard for rules could be something great to the science world even if it was only on her little corner of the world, and she had proven him right time and time again, making him never rethink his decision to call her over from San Francisco. But today, she wasn't the Sara he normally admired, with her normally smooth movements now jerky, her concentration leaving more to be desired and there was something in her eyes that was new to Grissom, the normally bright brown's that greeted his blue ones were replaced with very drawn , kind of shell-shocked look.

"You're a little slow today Grissom. Sara bet you, she's already got her blue scrubs on so you had better hurry up she's ready for business."

Doc Robbins, coroner and friend of all of the night staff, had come up behind Grissom, brushing past him to get into the room on the other side of the door. Grissom pulled on the ugly blue scrubs quickly and moved into the room to stand beside Sara, who still had her hand under her arm.

"Your victim died of dehydration."

Sara narrowed her eyes.

"Doesn't that normally take days, not hours?"

Doc pulled back the sheet off of Hilary James' body slightly, and then turned his attention to Sara.

"Normally, yes. But she was stuck in the sauna, which sped up the dehydration process to an incredible speed. She lost consciousness before her body shut itself down. Even if she had managed to escape she would have died in the hospital, her lungs were all dried out. So do you guys have anyone for this yet?"

Sara shook her head and then turned her back on the two men and headed out the door.

"What's up with her tonight? She ok?"

Grissom shrugged taking the paperwork that Doc handed him.

"I don't know. Thanks for this Doc."

Grissom paused for a few minutes to remove the scrubs and then headed back to his office, where he found Sara using his phone.

"Yes, hello this is Sara Sidle I want to make an appointment to see Dr. Marie Johnson. No, 3:00 is perfect. Yep ok thanks, see you then."

She hung up the phone and turned, crashing into Grissom, a small gasp of pain escaping her lips, this time she knew that Grissom would hear it.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?"

Sara shook her head, her hand once again under her arm.

"Nothing. I just need to get a shot from my doctor is all."

Grissom took her by her shoulders and pushed her down into the seat closest to them, moving his own so that he could look her in the eye without her trying to avoid his gaze.

"Don't lie to me. What is wrong?"

Sara shook her head, not wanting to let the words pass her lips in case they were true. She didn't think she could handle them if it became reality.

"I'm fine."

Sara made a move to leave, but Grissom blocked her in, putting an arm on either side of her chair and pulling her even closer to him, making Sara almost smile. _Anywhere but here and I would have gotten all excited over how close Grissom's leg is to mine right now, but today it doesn't bother me. Amazing what a little lump can do._

"Tell me what's wrong. Just so you know, this is not a request I am your boss and whatever is bothering you is affecting your work performance. I want to know what is wrong with you tonight."

Sara took a deep breath. She needed to talk to someone before the fear cursing through her veins made her explode.

"When I went to have my shower, I found a lump."

Grissom didn't register the seriousness of all of this at first, a lump was a lump. As far as her knew it could be on her knee.

"A lump? That made you upset why?"

Sara turned her dark eyes on him and they were filled with fear, something Grissolm hardly saw.

"On my breast. More to the side then anywhere else. I was making the appointment to go and see my doctor to see if it's a cyst or if….."

She stopped herself before she could say the other word. She had seen what cancer had done to those around her, seen the way it ate at you until you were twisting and turning in pain. If she had to choose a way to go, it would not be like that. She waited for Grissom to say something, but he didn't. He had sat back, his hand running back and forth across his bearded chin.

"I don't know what to say. Did you want to go home and rest?"

A bitter laughed had escaped from Sara before she could stop it.

"Yeah ok. I just found a lump in my breast and you expect me to sleep? And what colour do your flying pigs come in? The regular pink or do they spice it up a little?"

Grissom continued to stare at her, and Sara stared right back, wanting him to snap at her, wanting him to say something, anything that could help her release some of the emotion turning around and around in her chest.

"So now you have to wait until three this afternoon to find out what's going on? What are you going to do? I mean you are no good to me in this kind of frantic state, and you don't want to go home…."

Sara nodded curtly and pushed herself up from the chair, falling back in immediately as fire curled around her side again, making her eyes tear. She gave herself a few seconds to get herself together and then pushed herself up again, this time using just her left arm.

"I'm going to go for a drive. And thanks for your concern Grissom, I'm sure I'll be fine."

She made it to his office door before he spoke again, cursing herself for such a slow exit._ I don't want you sympathy Grissom just your support. But if you can't give it to me I'll be fine._

"Are you sure you'll be ok?"

Sara turned and smiled bitterly at the man she had admired and loved for years.

"I'm always fine Grissom, haven't you learnt that yet?"

Grissom watched her go, concern for her fogged whatever logical thought had been sitting in his mind. He didn't know what he had said or even what he could to do for her, and so he went back to the one thing that made sense – his work. _I'll call Sara later too see how she is. She's right; she'll be fine, I'm sure that the lump is nothing at all. Nothing at all._ Even though he felt confident, something inside of him disagreed, maybe this time Sara would need him even if she didn't think she did. Just maybe he could prove himself to her. Maybe.

* * *

Sara pushed herself higher and higher, her legs pumping up and down, the wind whistling past her ears, pushing her hair everywhere. On an impulse she had stopped at the local playground and jumped on a swing, needing for a little while to be carefree. _I must look pretty silly it's not everyday that a 30+year old women jumps on a swing. Not that I care that is, I have bigger stuff on my mind._ Sara kept pumping her legs, and it wasn't until she could see the tops of the tall trees to her left that she decided that she should get off and give some of the kids waiting for a go a chance. She slowed herself down and on yet another impulse jumped on the Merry – Go – Round, getting some funny looks from the parents that were watching their kids. 

"Hey lady, aren't you a little big to be on here?"

A small boy to her right looked at her with a suspicious look.

"I'll tell you a secret. You will never be too big for these kinds of rides. Hold on, here we go!" The little boy had a huge grin on his face as the ride got faster and faster, and the little girls were squealing with excitement, the air pushing their hair around their faces, their eyes wide with fear and excitement. All too soon the ride was over and reality had returned. Sara settled herself on one of the benches and decided to do something she hadn't done in a number of years: People watching. She let her thoughts wonder as mothers and fathers watched and played with their kids. _If I need chemo, I can't have kids. What guy wants to be with a woman who can't have kids? And I want kids, why should a lump take that away from me? _Sara glanced at her watch, sighing as she realised she had better get moving if she wanted to get to the doctor's on time. She was half way there when her cell phone admitted a series of beeps, indicating a text message. She continued to watch the road, and with her free hand she flipped open the cell phone.

_Thinking of you. Good luck Sara. Call me when you have news._

_GG_

Sara closed the phone and sighed. She really didn't get Grissom. He would pay her compliments, get close to her and then brush her off. He would act like her boss, and then suddenly like her friend, which always left her in a spin. He knew nothing about her and presumed he knew everything. He didn't know how she was scared that her job would consume her entirely or that she was afraid of growing old alone, or that her fear of anything real had her hidden in her job where she could pull a Grissom and conceal herself behind facts and figures. He didn't realize that the Sara he saw everyday at work was a mere shadow of who she really was. Sara had gotten to the doctors office too quickly, and would now have to sit and wait for the doctor while trying to keep herself occupied with the oldest magazines she had ever seen. It must have worked because all too soon her name was being called, and she was led down a short corridor to the typical doctor's room. White, sterile and with nothing but a computer and some photos on the desk. Dr Marie Johnson was a plain looking woman, with big hair and a friendly smile.

"So Sara, what can I do for you today?"  
Sara shifted a little in her seat, the movement evoking fresh pain down her right side.

"I noticed a lump in the shower earlier, and I have also been having pain down my right side recently."

The doctor nodded and put on some latex gloves, identical to the ones that Sara wore to process a scene.

"Let's have a look shall we?"

Not really an offer, more of a polite command, but Sara was too worried to think that over. She lifted up the side of her shirt, slipping her arm out of the sleeve so that the top was around her neck, and then slipped out of her bra, allowing the doctor full access to the painful area. With careful hands, the young woman examined the lump, making Sara flinch a couple of times as the pressure got to be too much.

"We had better send this off for a biopsy. This is going to hurt, but I promise I'll be as quick as possible. I am going to get a needle and insert it into the lump, hopefully getting access to some of the fluids in there. Unfortunately, it may take a couple of days for the results to get back from the lab. Ok you ready?"

Sara nodded, trying to keep as still as possible. The pain was incredible. It shot white hot sparks up and down her side, her eyes tearing, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out. It seemed like forever before the doctor removed the needle, emptying some clear fluid into a small specimen jar, labelling it and then cleaning the needle wound on Sara's breast.

"So until we get the results you need to take it easy ok? Get a couple of days off of work, because even if it is a cyst which is a high probability, you will need surgery to remove it, because it is growing on a muscle and if we don't remove it, you mobility in your arm will be in danger. So I will call you in two days, unless you would rather make an appointment?"

Sara shook her head, starting to get dressed again, careful of her side.

"Nah just call me."

Sara left the office, paying on her way out and sat in the truck, needing to catch her breath before she started driving. The fear that had wrapped itself around her tightened its grip and Sara knew that she would not be able to relax until she knew what was going on. She needed to keep busy and distracted. Sara flipped open her phone and text Grissom, she didn't want to speak to him at the moment.

_No news, have to wait two days. Need two days off _

_SS_

She laughed quietly when she thought of the panic that would ensue when Grissom read the message. Sighing slightly, she started the truck and headed home, planning to do some spring cleaning now that she had the time. _That should keep me distracted. And if all else fails, then smacking me head against a brick wall could do the trick._

* * *

_Two Days Later…._

Grissom had heard nothing from Sara aside from the text she had sent two days ago, requesting the days off. And he was worried. Worried that something serious had happened, that maybe Sara had gone off of the rails, and that maybe that small lump had turned into something big. He needed to see her face to face so that she couldn't lie to him over the phone, and the timing was great, he had just finished his shift and he was more then ready to get out of the office. It wasn't until he had parked outside of Sara's apartment that he thought maybe this was a bad idea. _If something is wrong, then she won't notice the show up out of nowhere routine. Otherwise I had better be prepared for the wrath of Sara._ The first thing he noticed when he got to Sara's door was the noise, and the fact that he recognised it was more shocking. _Sara's playing Greg music, that garbage that makes no sense. Interesting. _He twisted the doorknob in his hand slightly to see if he was met with resistance, which he wasn't and he let himself quietly into Sara's small home. He had been inside Sara's home just once before but it was as neat as a pin, everything in its place. It was a complete tip now, boxes littered the limited floor space, dishes piled high on the bench tops, papers were all over the dining room table top, and there were clothes strewn everywhere, some of which he recognised. _And Sara is where? _He moved further into the mess and after some pushing and shoving, managed to track down the source of the noise, and when he stopped the CD, the silence was deafening, but a very welcome relief nonetheless.

"Sara?"

He heard a slightly muffled noise down the hall, and with slow steps he made his way down the narrow passage, and that was when he saw Sara. As Grissom looked at her, he felt immense sadness; a wave of protectiveness came over him. She was slung across the bed, her top riding up slightly as her arms came to rest on either side of her head, her face turned toward the doorway where he stood. What made him feel the sadness that had unsettled him was that she was wearing the same clothes she had on two days ago and there was an almost empty bottle of Jim Beam on her bedside table, an empty glass beside it and Grissom could tell she had been drinking, the smell of it hung stale and heavy in the air. He knelt beside her, and gave her a slight nudge, and when she didn't respond, he gave her a harder push. Finally she shifted again, and opened her eyes with some effort.

"Grissom?"

Grissom almost recoiled as Sara's stale alcohol breath came dancing to his nostrils, far from the normal Sara scent that he often enjoyed.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Sara had sat up unsteadily, and gave Grissom a hard look as he remained silent.

"Well? Did you break in?"

Grissom shook his head and stood.

"Nope, I was worried and you left the door unlocked. Have you been drinking?"

Sara shook her head, and slipped off of the bed with a loud thump when she tried to adjust her clothing. Grissom was about to help her up when she dissolved into giggles, her whole body shaking. When she had managed to catch her breath, she looked at Grissom again.

"Ok, I lied. I had just a little last night. And then a little when I woke up, and then a little more to help with my hangover. But I'm fine really. I can tell you my ABC's backward. Z, Y, W…."

And that was as far as she got before another fit of giggles overtook her, making the bed move slightly. Grissom left Sara for a moment in search of the bathroom and upon finding it, he ran the water, making it as cold as possible. He then picked up a still giggling Sara from the bedroom floor, surprised for a moment as to how light she actually was, and then unceremoniously put her into the spray of the cold water, which soaked him as well as her. Sara stopped giggling right away, the happy drunken noise dying on her lips, to be replaced with a stream of verbal abuse.

"How dare you? Asshole! Cold, unfeeling, unmoving asshole!"

Sara was standing now her clothes clinging to her body; her arm's moving up and down wetly, soaking Grissom more, along with the walls and the floor. Grissom deflected the abuse easily, knowing full well that Sara was drunk and that normally Sara would never say those things to him. He had never met this person standing before him, the strange woman that was so full of anger and hate.

"Better yet? If you are, I would suggest you get out of those wet clothes and into some dry ones before you catch your death. Then we can talk properly."

As he was closing the door behind him, he heard Sara mumble something about dying anyway, even though it made him pause for a second, he put it down to far too much Jim Beam, which he headed into the room to pick up, planning to empty it into the drain. He then proceeded to clean off the dining room table, putting the papers into small neat stacks while he waited for the coffee that he had brewing to finish. _What the hell is going on with Sara? Same clothes for three days, drunken haze for just as long I would hazard to guess, and what happened to the neat person that I talked to last? _Grissom's train of thought was broken as Sara came into the kitchen, her hair still dripping slightly down the side of her face and back. She had changed her clothes and was now wearing a pair of baggy track pants and hugely over sized Harvard shirt. She sat down silently at the table, anger coming off in strong waves that Grissom could feel from where he was standing in her small kitchen. He watched in a state of shock as Sara pulled out a packet of cigarettes, lit one and sat puffing heavily. He put a large mug of coffee in front of her before going around the apartment opening the windows, trying to get rid of the stale smoke smell that he had now just noticed. It was only when he sat back down at the table that he addressed a more sober looking Sara.

"What is with you?"

Sara blew out a small smoke ring above Grissom's head, smirking as it settled over his head almost like a halo.

"I'm fine. Just great and you?"

She cocked her head slightly, widening her bloodshot eyes before giving him a bitter smile. Grissom took a deep breath, his patience waning ever so slightly.

"Sara stop it. What happened with the doctor?"

Sara stood up and moved into the kitchen, opening a cupboard she pulled out a bottle of vodka and then a tumbler. Alcohol in hand she moved back to her seat across from Grissom, and with yet another air of defiance, took three large gulps of vodka, the liquid leaving a pleasant burn in her throat.

"It has nothing to do with you. While you are here I have something for you now that I think about it."

She reached over to the pile of papers and gave a long white envelope to Grissom.

"It's my notice. It was great working with you Gris. Have a nice life."

Sara stood, and after a second to catch her balance, she moved ungracefully back down the hall, the vodka hanging from her hand, and with a loud bang closed her bedroom door behind her. Grissom sat for a few moments, the anger rising slowly in his chest. _I am not going to end it like this. Something is wrong, and I am going to get to the bottom if it! _He took a deep breath to try and push down some of the anger, then moved to Sara's room, pushing open the door.

"Don't you dare just dump your notice on my lap and expect me to leave! What the hell is up with you?"

Grissom tried to keep his voice calm, but his anger got the best of him and his voice was rising with every word that passed his lips.

"Don't say that nothing is wrong either, because that is bull and you know it! I can either find out from you or I will call your doctor and get it from the horse's mouth. Choose"

He watched as he saw the fight leave Sara, her body losing the hardness it had before. Sara put the bottle of vodka on the floor in front of her and turned to Grissom, her face now reflective more then anything else.

"Sit down Grissom."

Sara waited as he moved towards the bed and sat beside her, feeling the bed sag a little beneath his weight.

"You know that lump I found? I got the results back and the lump was cancer. I have to have surgery in three days and if they find anymore then I start chemotherapy, and for six months I puke my guts out, lose my hair and generally look like crap. I handed in my notice because I can't expect to be on holiday for that long. That's why Grissom."

Grissom sat still trying to absorb the information that Sara was giving him but failing. _Sara has cancer…Sara has cancer…Sara has cancer….Sara could die…_The same thoughts were running round and round his head, and as hard as he found it, he had the state of mind to realize how hard it must be for Sara.

"So what's going to happen? I mean after the surgery you are not going to be well enough to look after yourself. What's going to happen there? And what about during the chemo?"

Sara smiled slightly at Grissom.

"I ran into someone today and when I told them what was going on, they volunteered to help on their holidays…."

Grissom looked at Sara hard.

"Who is it?"

"Hank"

Grissom looked doubtfully at Sara, who had moved further back onto the bed and under the covers.

"Hank. As in the guy who was going out with you and another woman for months, that Hank? Do you really think that that is a good idea?"

Sara shrugged a little.

"Better then none. I mean he is going to have to change my dressing and it makes it slightly easier that he's seen it all before."

Grissom shook off that mental image before it could even start, and then let the silence filter over them. He watched as Sara rolled over, putting her back to Grissom, perhaps hoping that he would take the hint and leave. When she spoke again, her voice was muffled thanks to the thick duvet now covering her.

"It's ancient history Grissom. We are adults and I think that the past can remain the past. Oh and before you leave I just wanted to tell you to keep this quiet. Nobody needs to know what is going on, ok?"

Grissom watched her back, wishing that she would let him help her. Let anyone help her.

"If that's what you want. When is your last shift?"

"Tonight. I'll figure out something to tell the others. Ecklie should be happy, his lose cannon has finally gone."

Grissom nodded, even though he knew Sara could not see him. He was going to do as Sara asked, because there was no other option, not because he wanted too.

"Fine then I'll see you tonight"

Sara said nothing as she felt Grissom's presence leave the room, making it feel small again. She had lied to him again, and it was not a feeling she enjoyed. She never ran into Hank and was determined to do this on her own, no matter what Grissom said. If she had cancer, then that was something she would deal with when it arrived, until then she was going to be fine by herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three – Behind The Sun

"The tennis racket that locked in your victim is this one here. I matched it to the scratches on the door, and the paint samples on the handle. It belongs to one Sandra Greggory, supposed friend of the deceased"

Greg held the racquet in his gloved hand, waving it back and forth slightly waiting for a reaction of some sort from Sara and Grissom but received nothing, not even a reprimand for handling the evidence roughly. _I wonder what they would do if I broke into song, like one of those musicals?_

"Ok just so you know, I just went through hundreds of racquets to find just this one and a thank you would hit the spot right about now."

Sara looked at him, a small almost sad smile on her face, Grissom standing silently beside her.

"Thanks Greg."

Sara turned on her heel and left, Grissom watching her silently. Greg decided to take the plunge and ask what was up.

"Is Sara ok?"

Grissom nodded tightly.

"She's fine. Thanks again."

Greg watched as the older man left, knowing that something was up but for the life of him, unable to figure out what.

Grissom trailed Sara as she moved through the halls before finally ending up in the break room. He stood back and waited for a few moments before entering after her, for some reason not wanting her to see that he was following her every move. She paused for a second, her back still turned towards him before continuing pouring her coffee and then filled another before handing it too him.

"Please stop watching me. It's unnerving, creepy and very obvious."

Sara sat down and crossed her jean clad legs, one boot bumping gently against her calf. Grissom said nothing, choosing to lean against the bench top. The silence's had been hard to bear, even harder still was the knowledge that Sara was sick and he had no one to share it with. She had seemed paler then normal when she had come into work for her last shift, and had suffered through the confusion and anger that had come with her announcement of her leaving, and Grissom had to hold himself back from telling them all the truth, that Sara was sick and she could die and she wanted to do it alone. She had pulled her hair back for the first time in a while and Grissom would have happily admired the view of her long neck but this was not a normal shift, nor was this a usual situation.

"Have you eaten today?"

Sara shook her head and sipped at her coffee, her foot now moving up and down lazily.

"Nope. There is nothing like impending surgery to cure any sort of hunger. Next time some one mentions to me a need to lose weight I will highly recommend this."

Grissom said nothing, knowing that there was nothing that he could say to remove the fear from her eyes or voice. The silence settled again and was only broken when Ecklie came bursting in, and ignoring Grissom dug into Sara.

"Why the hell have you suddenly decided to up and leave us one CSI short? Do think that this is just some other job you can throw in and never have to think about it again? Do you have a good reason for leaving? And by good reason I mean are you dying? Because that is about the only excuse I will take."

Sara sat stunned for a few seconds before flashing a glance at Grissom. Then without a word she stood and left the two men alone, Grissom desperate to go after her and Ecklie desperate for answers.

"Women! I just wanted a simple answer but no she has to make it complicated………"

Ecklie moved past Grissom mumbling to himself, while Grissom took a second to think of where Sara might be before heading towards his office, the only really quite place that he could think of. He found her sitting on the small sofa that he used for sleeping, her back towards the door, her body shaking with every sob that was over taking her.

"Oh Sara. He didn't know, he was just being Ecklie."

Grissom moved towards her intending to offer some sort of comfort but she moved first, sitting up bolt straight on the sofa, her face tear streaked and her hair mussed out of the ponytail.

"I know that Grissom. It's hard enough to deal with all of this mess without people reminding me of what I may have to face."

Grissom nodded and allowed her to cry, handing her the box of tissues from his desk and then did what he seemed to do best, waited. He almost smiled when Sara finally stopped crying and her fingers went to her hair where she tried to fix it, and managed too thanks to the skill only women seemed to posses, and with a deep breath she had left his office without a word. Grissom moved behind his desk and sat down, praying that this will all come to a end soon so that he could have the real Sara back not some look a like that had everyone except him fooled. _But if I hadn't found out would I even have noticed how sick she is or how much she had changed?_

* * *

Sara sunk gratefully onto her sofa, a small glass of vodka in her hand. She knew that she shouldn't drink but the need to numb the pain over took any rational thought. She was terrified by what awaited her the day after tomorrow, and it hurt more then anything else that there was no one with her to tell her it would all be ok. _This is all self induced, quit bitching Sidle. You are better then that! _Sara pushed her own doubts from her head, and took a deep swallow of the clear liquid in her hand, the burning sensation it left a pleasant reminder of being alive. She wanted to erase the memory of the shift, the hurt looks that they had all given her and the look on Grissom's face when she had wordlessly left his office. _I hurt them all but its better this way. If I am sick, I don't want to hurt them anymore then I have to. It's better this way. It's too quite._ Sara turned on her CD player, finding herself smiling slightly when she was greeted with the Smashing Pumpkins CD that Greg had copied for her, the heavy bass guitar and drums making her feel a little better. _Nothing like heavy music to clear your head. _Sara moved from the sofa and into her room where she began to pack a bag for her stay in hospital, grabbing a nightgown from her top drawer, some underwear and her spare toothbrush, and then sat on the end of her bed, trying to fathom an existence without work to keep her busy, without Grissom there every day whether she needed him to be or not, and without the support of the rest of the team, the people that she had made into her own dysfunctional family. _Wonder if they would all come to my funeral? _The thought was so random and sudden that it caught Sara off guard and for a moment she did think of her funeral and almost cried at the lack of people she envisioned there. _I guess you don't realize how empty your life is until you could lose it._ Sara moved over to the dining room table, gathering together some paper and a pen together. _If something happens to me, I don't want to leave any of my relationships like this….And it starts and ends with Grissom._

_Dear Grissom,_

_The one real reason you would have for reading this letter is that something has happened to me and I am now in the big forensics lab in the sky. There are some things I need to get off my chest, but you need to bear with me because things could get messy and I need to ask you to do some things for me._

_Our relationship is and has always been a complicated one, hasn't it? One filled with doubt and uncertainty, but it is one I will never regret having. Your friendship has meant more to me then any other and it is something I will forever hold close to my heart, even if I am gone._

_You are a very special man Grissom, whether you realize it or not you have a lot to offer the world aside from you talent with forensics. You have a way about you that makes others trust in you, a confidence that seeps through all doubt. I want you to know that you are a beautiful person and though it can take a little to see you behind the mask you put up, it's worth the wait when you shine through. I wanted you to know something Gris. I have always admired you and as hard as it is to admit even though I'm not there to see your face, loved you. I don't know how you feel about me but right now it doesn't matter, what is important is I wanted you to know that I love you and have loved you for a while. So as a friend and co worker I want you to do some things for me. I read some where that in order to live a full existence, you should do something at least once a day that you have never done before. Some thing that clears the head and gets the blood pumping, and just so you know, your rollercoaster's do not count as some thing new! Talk to people more; you'll be surprised what you find out, Griss. _

_Live a little more. When Nick or Warrick invite you out to drinks, go. They are a pair of very cool guys who don't mind if you sit quietly in the corner (Believe me I've done that before when we went out.) and they are part of the dysfunctional family that is the night shift. _

_Love a little more. I know that it hard to let others in but you need to do it. You need to find the one woman that makes your head spin and your palms sweat. The one woman who listens when you talk about bugs, who knows when to push you and when to back off, the one person who can read you in a way that no other could. I want you to be truly happy Grissom, not just happy in your work but in all aspects of your life, private and professional._

_Last but not least I want you to promise me that you will relax. Stop sleeping at work and start going home at home time. If this illness has taught me anything it's the importance of balance. Work became my balance and by the time I discovered it was the wrong way to go about it, I was in trouble and you had to bail me out. Try to remember what you are forever telling us. Don't let the work affect you. Be neutral. It's time to take your own advice Professor. I hope and I know that you will live a long and happy life Grissom. I wish you all the luck in the world._

_All My Love,_

_Sara._

Sara wiped away the tears that had started and sealed the letter in a white envelope she had found with the paper, and pulled out another sheet and proceeded to write a letter for each and every one of her small team. After several hours, she had them stacked in a small pile and then put them all in a larger envelope, which she addressed to her lawyer and then put it in obvious sight on the table. Sara didn't know how to deal with the idea of her own demise, so she headed back to her room, back to the vodka, back to the world where nothing hurt.

* * *

"Has the world gone mad? Greg gets a date, Sara up and leaves us and we get nowhere with those interviews. What's next? Grissom getting a social life?"

Warrick snorted slightly before he took a sip of his hot coffee. He knew that Nick was still smarting somewhat from Sara leaving without a word to no one, and truth be told, so was he. The small team was his family and he thought that everyone else felt the same way. Obviously he was wrong. Warrick wasn't too lost in his thoughts to notice the pretty brunette pass by the room though, and judging by the silence, neither was Nick. She had long brown hair plaited down her back, smooth olive skin, wide eyes and full lips. Before either could comment, the woman saw them and turned on her heel and came into the room.

"I don't suppose either of you happen to be Gil Grissom?"

She spoke clearly flashing Nick and Warrick a wide smile; her friendly voice had a slight Texan twang to it that made the words almost sound lyrical. Warrick reacted first, offering the woman his hand.

"Warrick Brown. And this is Nick stokes. And you are?"

The woman returned his handshake, the smile still in place.

"Alex Walker. I've heard about you guys and your work. I come from the CSI office in LA. That is until I was offered the opportunity to work under the legendary Gil Grissom."

The smile faded from Alex's mouth slightly as she watched Warrick's reaction to her statement. The smile he had on his face faded before her eyes, replaced with a sad look. Nick spoke first

"So you will be replacing Sara Sidle. Man, they didn't waste any time did they. Sorry but I have a feeling your going to get that kind of reaction a lot around here. It's a pretty big pair of shoes you have to fill. Come on, I'll take you to see Grissom."

Nick got up and started walking towards Grissom's office, Alex trailing behind. _Good one Walker. First thing you do is step on everyone's toes by saying how you will be replacing one of their friend's. Great first impression._

_"_And this is Grissom's office, and the man himself is hidden behind all that paperwork."

A voice came out clearly from behind a particularly fat file, the proof of a man there was the top of a greying head.

"Yes Nick and speaking of which I am still waiting for you and Warrick's."

Nick rolled his eyes at Alex, and gave her a warm smile before ducking out of the door again, leaving her to meet one of her biggest heroes.

"You must be Alex Walker. Nice to meet you."

Alex smiled nervously and shook Gil Grissom's firm hand, and then not quite sure what to do, stood in front of the desk, hands in pockets.  
"Please, take a seat. If you give me a moment, I'll move these files."

Alex sat in the seat across from the desk, and crossed her legs, twisting her hands nervously. By nature, Alex Walker was not a nervous person, but the idea of working for one of her heroes had thrown any calm thoughts out the window. She started worrying that her skirt was too short, her top too see through. _I should never have let Conner pick this outfit._

"Well, Miss Walker I have heard nothing but great things of you. I hope that you will be happy here. I just want to prepare you though, because you are replacing one of our much loved team members who had to leave. But if you have any problems please do not hesitate to come and see me. Do you have any questions?"

Grissom watched the young women before him, trying to say focused on her, and not how her smile was nothing like Sara's. Alex's was smooth and toothy. Not anything like Sara's which was charmingly different with her gap and dimple.

"I just wanted to say Mr. Grissom, that I have been an avid fan of yours since university. I have followed your career, and I am honoured to be working beneath you. Thank you so much for the opportunity."

_Sara was like that before the job got to her. Before life got a hold on her. _Grissom smiled at the young women, flattered that he had made an impact.

"I hope you don't mind, but Sara was working with me on a case and I need some help completing it. A young girl was murdered at a very prestigious tennis club. We found the racquet that was used to lock her in the sauna, tracked it down to a Sandra Greggory. We need to interview her and find out what the story is. Are you ok with that?"

Alex nodded. She was more then ready to get to work. Grissom smiled at her again.

"Alright then, I'll show you where your locker is then we can get started."

Grissom stood and led Alex out of the office and towards the locker room, bumping into Catherine along the way. The strawberry blond gave Alex the quick once over before putting two and two together and getting four.

"You must be Alex. I'm Catherine, welcome."

Alex shook Catherine's hand, watching as the women slipt past them again.

"And that was Catherine. She just came back from looking after her sick daughter. And this is your locker here. I'll meet you in the break room in ten minutes ok?"

Alex nodded and watched as Grissom left, feeling overwhelmed and excited. _This is it Walker. A new start for you and Conner and a chance to prove yourself._

Grissom watched Alex from behind the glass in the interview room, impressed with her interview style. Gone was the young woman with the friendly smile and slight Texan accent, to be replaced with the hard nosed, tough sounding woman before him. The young girl they were questioning was claiming innocence and so far her story checked out. Grissom tuned out a little more each second until he was so completely emersed in his own thoughts that when Alex came out of the interview room she had to physically shake him to bring him back down to planet earth.

"Sorry Alex. I do that sometimes. How did it go?"

Alex shrugged, her white blouse shifting with her slim shoulders.

"Nothing more then we already knew. Maybe I was being too tough on her.'  
Grissom shook his head and watched the girl through the glass she was talking to her lawyer.

"She needed it. So we go to the next person on our list. We need to find who did this, and quickly. With Sara leaving so suddenly it left us in quite a lurch."

Alex nodded as she matched Grissom step for step away from the interview room.

"I heard about that. Why did she leave so quickly?"

Grissom shrugged and motioned to his office.

"Let's go over these files again shall we?"

Grissom watched Alex sit down, and once again his mind wondered. _Sara. She's having her surgery today, and she wants to be alone. Sara. Beautiful intelligent Sara is going through this all alone. I hope that she's ok._

* * *

Sara sat back against the hospital bed and waited, her nerves making her feel panicked and sensitive. They were coming to get her in ten minutes for surgery, and though she was all ready to go, wearing a horribly scratchy hospital gown and all it still felt unreal and incredibly lonely. Sara ached for some conversation, some distraction and for the first time she started to regret pushing them all away.

"You ready Sara?"

The young nurse that had prepped Sara had arrived pushing a wheelchair in front of her. Sara nodded stiffly and hopped into the chair, and all too soon they were in front of the surgery doors. The doctors were moving in and out, and she was moved silently onto the stretcher under the bright lights of the room, and Sara laid back, felt the needle slide into her vein, and counted back from ten as requested, slipping out of the grasp of consciousness by eight.

_They were all there, standing side by side silently. The sky was black, and rain drifted down in light sheets, making no sound against the ground. Sara watched as they each said a few words, the sound escaping her. She watched in horror as they each pulled a white envelope from thin air, and Sara felt panic grip her. They had her letters, which could mean only one thing. She was dead. The grave they were standing around was hers, the tears that were falling from Catherine's eyes were for her, and the roses they were placing inside the open grave were for her also. Sara watched somewhat stunned as Grissom put his letter in the grave, knelt and kissed the grave stone, then stepped back to allow the others access._

_"If only we knew Sara. If only we knew."_

_Sara wasn't sure who had said that, but she knew her heart was breaking. She had pushed away the only people that had mattered to her, pushed them away so that they would not get hurt. But she knew that it hurt more for them to be pushed away then it did for her to die, she could see it in their faces. The regret, the hurt and the anger. Sara watched as Grissom moved away first, coming towards her. She stood silently as he brushed past her, silent tears making a way into his beard and then getting lost in the rain. Sara wanted to touch him, to hold him to tell him that it was all ok. But she couldn't make herself move, and he turned to her first. _

_"BP's dropping, we're losing her."_

_Sara frowned. That wasn't Grissom's smooth even voice, this one was rushed and cold. Sara felt herself move slightly, her hand coming to rest on Grissom's face. If he felt it, he didn't register, just continued to look at her, his blue eyes clouded with hurt._

_"We need to replace the lost blood, and then she should be safe. Hook her up"_

_There was that voice again, but Sara ignored it, happy to stay with her hand on Grissom's cheek, getting lost in his sad eyes._

_"We got her. Let's close up."_

_Sara continued to stand with her hand on Grissom's face, and then she felt herself start to fall, Grissom's face blurring, her hand landing on empty air. Sara felt panic grip her as she swam through the darkness, looking for an anchor._

Bright light assaulted her eyes, and she closed them quickly. There was too much noise and her side hurt terribly. Her throat felt like she had been licking the dessert floor for a good day and her mind tingled. She felt someone take her hand, and then drop it again, felt someone shift her slightly, moving slow fingers up her side.

"Ow. Please don't do that."

Sara managed to open her eyes and face the culprit. It was a young doctor, one she remembered seeing before her surgery. He smiled slightly at her and offered her a glass of water, which she drunk greedily, the coolness eliminating the dryness in her throat, making her feel a little more alert.

"Sorry just wanted to see how you were. There were complications in the surgery. You lost a lot of blood and we almost lost you there. But you pulled through. So how do you feel?"

Sara gave her body a quick mental going over.

"Sore. Did you get the lump out?"

The doctor nodded, but then his face went serious.

"We found more. Smaller ones, but there were plenty of them. I'm sorry to say that from here your options are limited. What you have is called Invasive ductal carcinoma, which means a cancer that started in the milk ducts but has now spread beyond them. Sara nodded and tried to stay strong. She would fight this.

"What are my options?"

The doctor took a seat across from her and laid her chart across his lap.

"Chemotherapy for six months but you knew about that one. Or there is another surgery. This one is called a Mastectomy; do you know what that is?"

Sara nodded, trying to stay focused, trying to keep the panic from invading her voice as she spoke.

"I will lose one or both breasts. I don't want that to happen so I guess its chemo all the way. What are the side affects?"

The doctor sighed slightly, and looked at Sara carefully.

"Are you sure? It's not something to be done on a whim…"

Sara sat and flashed the doctor a hard look and he finally got the message.

"There is a chance of infertility, hair loss, weight loss, appetite loss, weakness, loss of feeling in limbs, blood clotting problems, mouth, gum and throat issues, diarrhea, constipation, nerve and muscle effects, skin and nail changes, kidney and bladder infections, fluid retention, tooth decay and your sex drive will definitely change.. The next six months is going to be hell on wheels for you. Do you have someone to help you through all of this?"

Sara nodded and then paused as the doctor digested her plain faced lie. She watched as he wrote something on her file and then gave her a small smile.

"I'll be in too see you later. Get some rest."

Sara watched him leave, her heart sinking. Six months of hell loomed ahead and she wanted to talk to someone. Almost without conscious thought, she managed to reach the phone that sat next to her bed, her hand dialling the number she had long since memorized.

"Grissom"

Sara felt better instantly. Grissom was calm, Grissom was sensible, Grissom was who she needed.

"Grissom, it's me."

Sara heard him take a breath on the end of the line, heard him move slightly before he spoke again.

"How are you? I'm going to guess that since I'm talking to you that the surgery went ok?"

Sara shifted slightly in the bed, trying to contain her need for company, trying to stop herself from demanding that he come to see her now.

"It had some complications but it apparently went ok. Am I interrupting something? Are you working?"

"No, just finished introducing our new team member to the wonderful world of files. Do you know how long you'll be stuck in the hospital?"

Sara shook her head, forgetting for a second that they were on the phone.

"No idea. I just finished talking to the doctor about what my options are at this point. They found more lumps Grissom."

Sara heard him take a sharp breath and then silence.

"I'm going with the chemo Grissom there is nothing else to be done really, aside from a mastectomy. And I am not doing that. So who is this new CSI?"

Sara needed to change the topic, her eyes were starting to tear up, and she didn't not want to cry over the phone. Grissom sensed her need for change, and swung into action.

"Her name is Alex Walker; she's from the LA unit. It's been awful quite without you here you know? We miss you."

Sara let his comment hang in the air. He could tell them if he wanted too, but she didn't think she had the courage to tell them the news.

"I know that they should know. But telling them is something completely different. It means hurting them Grissom, and worrying them. As if they didn't have enough on their plates already."

"Friends are like a good cup of coffee Sara. They are there when you need a lift, they are strong and sweet, but most importantly they warm you up if you are cold."

Sara smiled a little at that, images of the team as coffee cups dancing through her head.

"And who said that? Shakespeare?"

Sara heard Grissom almost chuckle and she felt a little better.

"My mother did actually. Coffee addict."

Silence fell again, neither wanted to face the truth, admit to what needed to be done. Grissom stepped up to the plate first.

"Sara, I'm going to call a meeting at the end of the shift. If you don't want me to tell them, call me before hand, otherwise they are going to know. Is that ok?"

Sara felt a little of the weight on her shoulders lift. _Grissom is taking the fall for one of the hardest things and he doesn't even have too. He wants too._

"That's ok. Thank you Grissom. Do you think you could do me one more favour?"

Sara took the silence as an invitation to continue.

"One of the side affects from the chemo is that it stuffs up my taste buds. Do you think you could bring me in a whole lot of food, so that I can gorge before the chemo starts?"

Sara heard a small laugh reach her ears, and she smiled properly this time.

"Sure, no problem. I'll come and see you tomorrow ok? Get some rest Sara, and don't worry. You may be surprised at just how well the rest of the team takes the news."

"They are going to be pissed Gil. I would be. They will be pissed that I kept this from them when they should have known from the beginning."

"Let me handle them. You get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night Grissom. And thank you"

"Night Sara. Sweet dreams"

Sara hung up the phone and for the first time, she felt slightly relaxed. She knew it was wrong of her to leave the job of telling them to Grissom, but she knew that she would never be able to face them with that kind of news. Best friends or not, she had a distinct feeling that they would hate her for keeping them out of this. She pushed those thoughts away and allowed the drugs to do their work, pushing her over the edge of sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – The Business Of Strangers

Grissom looked at the people before him and struggled to find the right words. _How do you tell someone that one of their friends has cancer? That she may die? _Four pairs of eyes watched him, and waited for him to say something.

"There is no easy way to say this guys. Try not to get mad ok? Try to understand what the situation is, and remember its Sara."

Catherine raised an eyebrow, and Warrick's eye narrowed but that was it. No questions, no comments.

"There is a good reason that Sara left. She's been diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery today to remove one of the more prominent lumps but they found more. She is going to be in chemo for six months but I have no idea when they were planning to start it."

What came next was a torrent of emotions and questions.

"Why didn't she tell us? She let us think she was abandoning ship, we got mad at her and she just took it."

Warrick's voice was worried and hurt, and Grissom could do nothing but shrug his shoulders. He had no answers for them. The only one to remain silent was Catherine, who sat her back straight, her face unreadable.

"Stupid Sara. Why the hell didn't she tell us? How could she keep this quite?"

Nick's voice was tight, the question not directed at anyone in particular. Everyone jumped when Catherine stood suddenly, turning to Nick.

"How would you feel if you were diagnosed with something that not only could kill you but if you survive means that you may loose your sexual identity? It's the equivalent to you guys loosing a testicle. How manly would you feel? Put yourself into Sara's shoes for a second and then tell me you're pissed at her. She doesn't need our criticism, she needs our support, because this is something that is not going to go away, once effected always effected."

Silence followed, each one of the guys imagining what it would be like to loose one of their testicles, and then felt shame wash over them. Catherine sat back in her seat, her shoulders sagging, and when she spoke again her voice was low and sad.

"I found a lump in my breast about six years ago, and the fear was incredible. It turned out to be a cyst, but that's not the point. It's the fear that kills you. We need to be there for her. No questions asked."

Silent agreement followed and pretty soon Grissom had a pad and pen out and they were planning what they could take in for Sara, Catherine putting her input in about the foods that Sara would want.

"Grissom?"

Grissom raised his head to find Greg looking at him, his face a little lost.

"How good are her odds?"

Grissom put his pen down, giving his full attention to Greg's question.

"It depends on how advanced the cancer is, on how her body reacts to the chemo and how much fight she puts in. But statistically speaking, 85 of women survive this cancer."

Greg smiled a little.

"Well if all it takes is fight and courage then we're going to have Sara for a while then. I don't think that this is a dramatic enough exit for her. She's more of a die-while-saving-the-universe type, wouldn't you say?"

Grissom nodded and threw the young man a smile, hoping that his optimism was contagious; he knew that Sara would need plenty of it, along with the rest of the team.

* * *

Alex had come home in a great mood. The first shift had gone well, and even though the whole team seemed a little distracted, she felt welcomed and comfortable in her new surroundings. And to make a perfect shift even better, she came home to a nice breakfast being made for her by her long time partner, Conner Williams. With her short honey blonde hair light brown eyes and her wide smile, she was both Alex's strength and weakness. _She's worth all this hassle. She's always been worth the hassle._

"Hey you! Happy first shift!"

Conner threw her slim arms around Alex's neck, her perfume making Alex feel warm and happy. Conner pulled away, and then took Alex's hand leading her to the set table that was heaving under all the weight of the food on it. There was yoghurt, bagels, pancakes, donuts, fresh bread, toasted bread, spreads and dips, three different types of cereal, a pot of fresh coffee and a jug of orange juice.

"Wow. You didn't do this when I started in LA."

Conner shrugged her slim shoulders, the movement making her top move up her back, giving Alex a glimpse of the white skin beneath.

"LA never felt right but this fits. Ok so the apartment is smaller, we no longer have a pool or a good view but it's a small price to pay. So what was it like working with a living legend?"

Alex grinned at Conner as she began to fill a bagel with some of the tomato and onion relish that was hiding behind the boysenberry jam.

"It was great. I was so nervous but he was great Con. Everything I thought he would be and some. But I made a huge mistake in mentioning that I was there to replace someone and it turned out to be one of their very good friends who left suddenly. But other then that it was a great shift, and it felt good. It felt right."

Conner nodded, smiling right back.

"I told you that this would work. LA is over and done with. Its history and we never have to go back there again."

Conner took a bite of an unbuttered bagel, pausing mid chew.

"What about your records? What did they say?"

Alex shrugged, taking a small sip of hot coffee.

"I have no idea. According to Grissom, it was all good things. I guess they really wanted to get rid of me."

Conner put her hand over Alex's, her brown eyes serious.

"It wasn't you, it was what you represented. Not that this is a bad thing, you get to work with one of your greatest heroes and I've got my new job at the community centre. They really made us suffer didn't they?"

Alex snorted a little at the playful grin that came over Conner's face. _How did I end up with someone so wonderful? Someone is watching over me._ Silence fell as each woman got to the task of eating, and then to cleaning up the mess, a happy easy silence that made the apartment more like home still. All too soon, Conner was getting ready for work, and Alex getting ready for bed.

"I'll see you this afternoon. Have a good sleep Ok?"

Conner gave Alex a quick kiss on the lips and then left, locking the door behind her. The house became silent again, and with a small smile playing on her lips, Alex fell into a deep fitful sleep.

* * *

Sara was aware of the feet shuffling first. She didn't open her eyes as she felt people moving around her, heard chairs being dragged in, heard objects being put on the floor. She waited until silence fell and then opened her eyes to be greeted with her small team sitting around her in a semi circle pattern, Grissom at one side of her head, Catherine at the other, Nick beside her, Greg at the foot of her bed and Warrick beside Grissom. 

"Please don't be mad."

Sara watched each reaction to her request, expecting an onslaught of questions as to why she never told them, surprised when all she got were shakes of heads.

"We're not mad Sara. We brought you some things."

Grissom smiled as Sara watched in amazement as each person pulled a paper bag out from under their seats. They began to empty them, and Sara began laughing as she saw each item. Ice cream, bagels, cookie dough, cookies, grapes, strawberries, bananas, hohos, liquorice, garlic bread, soda's, melons, and chocolate, lots of chocolate. It was Grissom who pulled out the last piece of the meal with great relish. It was the biggest peach that Sara had ever seen, one that could easily feed everyone and still have some left over. The skin was a pretty blushed pink, the fine white hairs standing out slightly.

"Care to join us in some snacks?"

Grissom very gently helped her sit up more, adjusting the pillows behind her head, and then proceeded to fill a plate with a bit of everything. They sat in silence as they ate, Sara more then happy with just having them there. _Why in the world did I think I was strong enough to do this alone?_

"Sara, is this a bad time?"

The young doctor was back again, and there was a small smile on his face when he saw the bounty of food before him. Sara shook her head.

"Nope this is perfect timing. This is my family. Family this is doctor…. I'm sorry but I forgot your name"

The young man held out his hand to each of them.

"I'm Doctor Phillip Millian. But call me Phillip. Sara I'll tell the nurses that these fine folks are your family and that way they can come and go as they please. Is that alright?"

Sara nodded again, and then she saw the file in his hand and her appetite vanished. He was there on business.

"Here Phillip have a seat."

Catherine stood, offered the man her seat and then went and sat on the arm of Warrick's chair.

"Sara, I talked to the cancer specialists and they decided that in two weeks time it should be safe to start the chemotherapy. You will have your first dose here and then we can see how you react to the treatment before you become an outpatient."

Grissom glanced between Sara and the doctor.

"So how long will she be here?"

The doctor looked at the file in front of him, checking before he said anything.

"For the rest of the week at least. Then as an outpatient she needs to come in for treatment every eight-ten days. Now as her family the hard work falls on your shoulders. Sara needs to be brought to and from the hospital and she needs an almost constant minder. She will be sick and weak, and without proper care, the cure could end up killing her."

Sara felt fear swell up inside of her again, and her hands started to shake, the tears welling in her eyes. Sara blinked a few times, steadied herself and cleared her throat. _I need to be strong. I can cope._

"We'll sort it all out before she gets home. What about food and such? What can she eat while the treatment is doing its duty?"

"Plain, light easy to digest foods. Fruit is good, soups, protein shakes, yoghurt. Liquids are incredible important too, orange juice and water to be more specific."

The doctor handed a chart to Grissom, and then handed a different one to Sara.

"This is a list of support groups. You need to either go to one of these or to a private counsellor, because it makes it easier when you know that you are not alone even though you feel it. You need to promise me that you will make an effort to go to these. Even if you take a member of your family with you, as long as you go."

Sara put her hand to her forehead in a mock salute, her light attitude hiding her true fear which was hidden just below the surface. Too close to the surface for Sara's liking.

"Yes Sir."

Phillip smiled softly at Sara and then smiled at the others, dismissing himself with nod of his head. Sara looked at the people sitting around her, the food long forgotten, the gravity of the situation hitting them all full force. Catherine moved first, beginning to pick up the mess that was left after their short lived feast, rewrapping the chocolate, and putting the fruit back into the bags to be placed beside her bed. Warrick followed suit, wetting some paper towels and wiping away crumbs and making sure Sara's bed was clean.

"Will you guys please sit down? We need to talk about this."

Sara watched as Warrick and Catherine sat back down, the tears she could no longer control falling down her cheeks, marring the perfect mask that she had put forward. She felt Grissom take one hand, and Nick the other, each man offering silent support, offering her their strength. Sara sniffed, trying to pull herself together, for the first time realizing that this was only the second time she had allowed herself to cry, allowed the hurt to show.

"This is what is going to happen. I am going to hire someone to come in and look after me. I cannot and will not allow any of you to waste your time with me."

Greg shook his head first before he turned to the others.

"Let's vote on that one. Freedom of choice and all that. All those in favour of looking after Sara raise your hand."

Greg raised his hand first, followed by Catherine, Warrick, Nick and then Grissom. Greg turned back to Sara, a wide smile on his face.

"You are so out voted. Majority rules."

Greg turned back to the others, ignoring Sara's protests.

"So who is going to stay at her house?"

Grissom put up his hand before he could stop himself, realizing his mistake when eyebrows were raised in his direction. Greg nodded and then looked at Sara again.

"Meet your new roommate. Right, now that that is sorted, I'm going to check out some of those pretty young nurses out there."

And with that, Greg was gone. Warrick and Nick shrugged at each other, mumbled something about keeping him out of trouble and followed closely behind him. It was at that moment that an older nurse showed up and approached Sara's bed, a tray in her hands.

"Hi Sara, I'm Norah and I've come to check and change your wound."

Sara nodded and Catherine quietly excused herself, and Grissom looked at Sara.

"Do you mind if I stay? I'm going to need how to do this when you get home."

Sara nodded again, released Grissom's hand and rolled onto her side slowly. Norah pulled the sheet up a little more, and then Sara's hospital gown down and over, revealing the white padding covering the wound to Grissom. Norah slowly pulled back the tape and the padding, uncovering a bloodied cut about ten centimetres long, the edges pulled together by black stitching. Grissom kept getting distracted by the white flesh of Sara that was peeking out from behind and under the sheet, the cut just on the very beginning of her breast, the soft curve and dips just visible but he managed to pull himself back every time.

"All you need to do is clean it with a saline solution, which will of course sting but it kills the bacteria which we need. Then you put on a new dressing and then tape it very gently back into place. If there is no infection then the stiches come out in ten days, and the scarring will be minimal."

Grissom heard a muffled snort coming from Sara whose face was hidden from his view.

"I'm going to loose all my hair, not want to eat and be looked after like a child. A little scar is not really my biggest issue. And it's not like anyone would see it anyway."

Norah made a little clicking noise with her tongue, covering the wound as she spoke.

"Think of the positive Sara. No shaving or bikini waxing for a good six months, no expensive hair treatments, no periods, and no work."

Grissom took in the soothing tone and put it down to Norah having had kids. She made it sound fun and easy, not something that Sara would have to fight for. Sara rolled painfully back over when Norah was done, pulling the sheet chin level.

"You make it sound good Norah. But it's not, it's hard and the next few months will be the worst of my life. There is no up side."

Sara almost looked like a child being tended to by a mother as Norah fussed over the placement of sheets, and then pushed some hair off Sara's face.

"I have six children and the youngest one, Claire she just had my forth granddaughter, little Alexis. She was a little younger then you when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, but she's been in remission for years, had four healthy kids and is married to one of the nicest men I have ever met. I myself was diagnosed with breast cancer years ago but a double mastectomy was all they could do for me. I know that the cancer coming back is a possibility but I'm ready for it when and if it does come back. You are a strong determined women and you just need to grit your teeth and allow your friends to look after you. Do not let your pride get in the way of fighting a disease that could end your life."

Sara watched as Norah continued to fuss, her eyes travelling to the larger women's chest. You would never be able to tell that she had had a double mastectomy at all, her chest was full and round, no hint of the padding underneath. Norah moved back to Sara's side again, taking her hand in her own.

"Now I'm going to go and find you some Chamomile tea to help you rest. You just keep thinking positive and if you need anything ring and I'll be here ok?"

Sara nodded and watched the women go again, feeling only slightly better, and a little lost. The women made her feel like a child again except for the fact that Norah treated her better then she had been back then.

"She's right you know. You should lean on us while you are sick. That's what we are here for."

Sara had forgotten that Grissom was there and turned her head to him, feeling a little less confident then she had a few minute ago. She had two weeks till her life would change forever and she didn't know where to begin.

"You guys have enough to do. I don't really feel comfortable with this. I feel invaded."

Grissom nodded, and shifted a little in his seat.

"I can understand that but you need to understand this as well. We are your friends, we are your family and we are a team. It is our job to take care of one another if we are in trouble. So there is going to be no arguing, as Greg said you have been out voted. Now do you want anything before I go? I have paperwork to finish for Ecklie over your sudden leave."

Sara offered Grissom a small smile as she shook her head.

"Nope I think you guys brought enough food to last me a life time. You go and do that paperwork before Ecklie has your head on a platter."

Grissom smiled at Sara pushing his chair back up against the wall.

"It's already there. Now just call me if you need anything ok? Anything at all."

Sara nodded and with a final squeeze of her hand, Grissom was gone. Sara snuggled deeper into her bed and laid back a little more, waiting for sleep to come, wishing that she didn't feel so alone.

* * *

Alex walked into the break room just before the start of her shift, fully planning on getting caffeine hit before work took over. She found the rest of the team there but instead of the normal chatter that she would have expected she was faced with silence. She made her way over to the coffee machine and poured herself a cup and then sat in the only spare seat across from Catherine, removing her coat and settling herself into the seat. Grissom walked in just as the silence was getting to her, the sound of his boots jolting the others out of their trance like states. 

"We are going to continue with our own cases. Come to me with any questions. Alex you are with me."

With a nod he left the room, obviously Alex was expected to follow. The silence continued as she left, broken only by the shuffling of bodies as they went their separate ways. Alex followed Grissom back to his office, where she spotted the blanket on the couch, the change of clothes hanging on the back of a chair and the bathroom bag beside his desk. Grissom indicated the chair opposite his desk with a nod of his head and Alex sat, placing her mug of coffee on an empty area of his desk.

"So we have cleared Sandra but it's still her racquet that locked the door. We found one more partial on it but it led to Sandra's Dad, James Greggory. Brass is bringing him in now. I'll sit in on the interview this time around if that's ok with you?"

Alex nodded and took a deep breath before asking her next question.

"What's going on around here? It's been so quite lately and you've been sleeping in your office."

Grissom sighed heavily, his shoulders coming forward more.

"The CSI you replaced? We found out recently that she was diagnosed with cancer and that's why she left so suddenly. The team is just in a state of shock. We all are."

Alex nodded, all of the strange behaviour explained.

"Is she ok?"

Grissom shrugged of his shoulders.

"She starts chemo in a couple of weeks and she is due home from the hospital the day after tomorrow."

Alex didn't get a chance to say anything before Grissom's pager went off.

"Our suspect is here."

Alex followed Grissom out the door again, her emotions mixed.

* * *

Nick sat back and for the second time since he had arrived, ran a critical eye over the English teacher in front of him. Carlos Divolo was reacting to the death of Kimberly Felton in a way that Nick had only seen in husbands and lovers, his clothes clearly slept in, his hair was a mess and he had been crying, his eyes swollen and red. 

"Mr Divolo, what was your relationship with Kimberly?"

Carlos Divolo looked at the picture that Nick had placed in front of him when he had first arrived, the smiling face of Kimberly facing the young man.

"She was my student."

Nick smiled a little.

"Come on Mr Divolo, there is no way she was just your student. Tell us the truth, because if we find it out later then we are going to have a few more problems."

Divolo looked at Nick for a second, and then clearly deciding that Nick wasn't pulling his leg, spilled the beans.

"She was my girlfriend."

Nick shook his head, coming to sit across from the man again.

"She was sixteen. That is illegal and wrong in ways that I won't get into. Was she the only student that you ever dated?"

Carlos shook his head again, his eyes glued to the picture Kimberly.

"I also dated Jessica Hyde; she's the head cheerleader at the school."

Nick wrote the name down quickly.

"And how long did you go out with her?"

Carlos looked at Nick again, the pain etched in his face.

"About a year. And then Kimberly came to the school and I broke it off with Jessica. Kimberly was something special; I had fallen in love with her."

"And you were in the bathroom when all this happened. Did anyone see you?"

Carlos shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. Can I go yet? I want to get back home."

Nick nodded and watched as the man left the room trying to decide whether to pity the man or be disgusted by him.

* * *

Warrick had ended up interviewing the ex-girlfriend of Carlos the English teacher, Jessica Hyde and he was starting to wish that Nick had pulled the short straw. Jessica Hyde was a definite force to be reckoned with, and that was obvious from the way she had expertly made the interview about her and not the death of someone that she had claimed was her friend. She was wearing an outfit that smelt of money, the blue designer top that dipped low in the front allowing a flash of cleavage with every movement and that clung to her skin, the short denim skirt that could almost be made into a belt with 'Juicy' written across the rear end. Her long blonde hair was tied back in a stylish ponytail and her make up was perfect. And what unsettled Warrick was the fact that there was no sign of emotion on her face, even when he placed a picture of Kimberly in front of her. 

"Was Kimberly a good friend of yours?"

Jessica glanced at the picture for a second before flicking her blue eyes back on Warrick.

"Yeah, I suppose you could call her that. She wanted to be on the squad, so it was a given that she was with us all the time."

Warrick decided to go for the shock factor, finding that this often got him the best results.

"Did you have a relationship with Carlos Divolo?"

For a second, Jessica's mask slipt, the hurt and pain over whatever relationship that they may have had revealed before the cool exterior came back.

"Yes I did. Then he called it off. What has this got to do with anything?"

Jessica sat back in her seat, regarding Warrick with a cool glare.

"Because that gives you a connection with Kimberly's murder. That gives you a motive and it makes you a suspect."

Jessica rolled her eyes at Warrick, a small smile playing on her lips.

"You have nothing on me. And because I didn't kill Kimberly, you will never have anything on me. Is this over or do I have to stay in your presence a little longer?"

Warrick dismissed her with a nod of his head, and watched as she left the room wondering what had happened with the young people of today.

* * *

Sara was bored. She had just finished what had to be one of the worst lunches in her life, the soggy sandwiches and warm yoghurt doing nothing for her health and the magazines that Catherine had brought her earlier were long finished. She decided to go for a walk down the hall, and after a few moments of arranging her I.V pole so that it moved easily, she was off. The halls were darker then she thought they would be, but then again the dark clouds that had been threatening rain had finally decided to take over the once blue sky, swallowing the normally sunny Las Vegas in a dark haze, so the corridor lights were on and the nurses were wrapped in warm cardigans and sweaters. Sara had gone just a short way when someone called her name and turning slightly she was shocked to be faced with one of her closest friend from college. 

"Laura? Is that really you?"

The women nodded and before Sara could fully grasp what was going on, she was pulled into a tight familiar hug that still felt good after all of these years. Before she could stop herself, the tears started up again, and Laura had to lead her back into her room, tucking her in and making sure she had tissues. It took a couple of minutes for Sara to compose herself and when she did she couldn't stop smiling.

"Laura Benson, when the hell did you get back from Africa?"

The pretty young women laughed a laugh that Sara hadn't heard for at least six years, a laugh that made situations a little lighter.

"About six months ago. Geoff and I are looking for a house and I thought it was high time that we saw each other. I went to the old office in San Francisco and found out that you had transferred to Las Vegas after a request from Gil Grissom. Damn girl, when you want a man you really go after him don't you?"

Sara smiled.

"Hey he requested me. So you and Geoff still together huh? He hasn't made honest women out of you yet?"

Laura sat down in a seat next to Sara's bed, her hand absently running through her incredibly short hair.

"Well yeah he did. We kind of got married a few months ago. We were passing a registry office and well…."

Laura shrugged and for the first time Sara noticed the much larger ring that now accompanied her engagement ring.

"Congratulations! After almost 10 years together it was bound to happen. So how is Africa? I thought you were going to live there for good?"

Laura shook her head, her face suddenly sad.

"We did all we could over there. We helped the kids and built wells and we are still sending regular cheques but I got so tired of seeing all the death, you know? Geoff saw how it was starting to get to me so he suggested we get ourselves settled with normal jobs and start a family. And now I am sitting here wondering why the hell we are talking about me when you are the one in hospital. What happened?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – Treading Water

Sara played with the stiff white sheet that covered her legs. Telling Laura about the cancer would make it even more real. _It is real, Sidle. She was your best friend for almost eight years. You can talk to her._

"It's cancer, Laura. I have breast cancer."

Laura did nothing except nod, a look of determination streaking her pretty face. Sara remembered that look all too well, that look had got them into a lot of trouble in college.

"You'll get through this. You've been through worse."

Laura nodded again, muttering under her breath, a habit she had had ever since Sara could remember. The heavy rain broke the silence that fell between the old friends, the darkness of the day matching the new mood in the room perfectly.

"Come on. Put your coat on."

Laura stood and held out Sara's coat that Catherine had brought in, it was her warmest one, the caramel coloured sheep's wool and white button holes and the arctic looking hood always made her fell warm and safe. Sara got out of the bed and slipped on the coat that Laura held for her, not daring to argue with her old friend. Laura pulled over the wheelchair that had been hidden behind the door and waited patiently as Sara sat in it before reaching over and hooking the I.V pole to the back of the seat. Sara laughed with the ease that Laura attached the pole.

"Nobody has gotten it right off. Well done."

Laura flashed Sara a wide grin and proceeded to throw a rug over her bare legs and then pushed her into the hall.

"I've had plenty of practice with I.V poles and wheelchairs."

Sara said nothing as they slowly made their way out of the cancer ward where Sara was staying, making their way past the area where the kids were kept, and went into the elevator, Laura pushing a button before leaning against the wall.

"So how is your love life?"

Sara snorted slightly.

"Not all of us have found our Geoff's. Quite frankly I don't really want to put some poor soul through the mess that is me."

Laura rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You are not a mess. You are just different. Do any of your workmates know what happened with your dad?"

Sara nodded slowly, playing with the blanket.

"Yeah, Grissom does. I had a really bad day, blew up at one of my workmates and my supervisor and then I suspended for a week. He came over afterwards and I broke down."

Laura nodded and pushed Sara out of the now open elevator doors.

"So that's a total of like four people that know what happened. Did you ever get to talk to someone about it?"

Sara nodded, a small laugh erupting from her lips.

"Yeah I kind of got self destructive for a while there and I got snapped and had to go to counselling. It's really like in the movies with the whole 'How do you feel about that?' type stuff. It was hell funny."

Laura had taken her to the front of the hospital, and after sitting her in a quite corner away from all the action with the ambulances, she sat on the ground next to the wheelchair. Sara watched the rain move in the stiff wind that had joined in the downpour on Las Vegas, changing the raindrops from one way to the other, soaking the ground and making puddles in the dips of the pavement.

"So are you sleeping properly yet?"

Laura continued to watch the rain as she spoke, her hand making small circles in a puddle in front of her.

"Better then I had been. I guess telling Grissom did more good for me then I thought. The nightmares are still there but they do let me get a goodnight's sleep more often thank goodness."

Laura nodded again and another comfortable silence fell.

"So how long is it until you start the chemo?"

Sara pulled the coat tighter around her as the wind blew their direction.

"Two weeks. Two weeks and my whole life will become nothing but sickness and hospital visits. Oh and my lovely friends have decided that Grissom should move in to look after me. I have to deal with that as well."

Laura touched Sara's hand which sat on the arm rest of the chair.

"They care that's all. If it makes it any easier I can move in and look after you. Better yet Geoff and I can both move in and help pay the rent if you really want."

Sara smiled and nodded.

"That would be nice. It would give us a chance to catch up and we both know that we live under the same roof with some degree of success. When can you move in?"

Laura pulled out her cell phone and dialled a number.

"Geoff, Hon it's me…..I found us a place to stay, well for the moment anyway….And we can move in right away….Yeah I know but I can't live there anymore with your mother as much as I love her...Sara's…..She needs someone to look after her while she recovers….Ask her yourself come and see us…..At the hospital….Ok, love you too…"

Laura hung up the phone and smiled at Sara.

"All set. He's going to come and see us after he explains to his mother what's going on. I am glad I'm not there for that conversation."

Sara nodded and watched as her friend shifted through her handbag. Laura hadn't changed much aside from the shorter hair, which surrounded her like a blonde halo. She still had that stubbornness to her chin, the same twinkle in her eyes and the same way of moving and dressing. Nothing much had changed at all.

"Do you remember when we first met?"

Sara laughed.

"Yep, sure do. I was sitting in the high school library trying to decide what to study at University and you came and sat beside me."

Laura nodded.

"And do you remember what I said?"

Sara nodded, pushing some hair behind her ear.

"You said that Brian Warner was cute and you wanted to know if I liked him too. And I said he was far too cocky and jock like for me and you laughed in my face."

Laura laughed and put her arm around Sara's shoulders.

"I liked you right away. I thought that anyone who thought that Brian was too jocky was worth knowing. I regret not staying closer after college. Forgive me?"

Sara looked into her friends blue eyes and saw the sadness and regret there.

"It's ok, life got in the way and it's not like I tried very hard. You are forgiven as long as I am."

Laura nodded, before pulling herself into a standing position.

"The important thing is that I'm here now. And on that note, let's go back inside, it's cold out here."

Sara nodded and allowed her friend to pull her back into the hospital, smiling when she saw Grissom standing outside of her room, a small plastic bag in one hand and a tray with two coffees from Starbucks in the other.

"Hey Grissom. Do you remember Laura Benson? Or should I say Laura Davidson now"

Grissom studied Laura for a second and a small smile came onto his lips.

"Well I never. Who would have thought I would see you again?"

Laura gave Grissom a wide grin.

"You mean after you kicked me out of your class? Yeah well it's a small world. How have you been?"

Sara sat back and watched them banter back and forth, Laura telling Grissom about Africa, keeping Grissom completely enthralled with tales of close encounters with some of the bug life. Sara had to smile as she saw Grissom come alive when he spoke about his bugs; he became quite different from his normally reserved demeanour. _This is the Grissom I want to get to know. The one who is smiling and laughing, the one who is engaging in a normal conversation with an actual person outside of our team._

"And now I'm back here with my husband Geoff, who should be here shortly actually. Sara and I were talking and we decided that if Geoff and I moved in with her it would make things a lot easier. Sara and I have shared a living space before and well Geoff will fit in there somewhere. I know you were meant to move in, I hope it doesn't throw you off completely…"

Grissom shook his head placing the small bag in Sara's lap.

"No, that's not a problem. Sara will properly feel more comfortable with you there anyway."

Sara held up a hand and waved it in their general direction.

"Hey, still here guys. What's this Grissom?"

Laura turned her attention back to the plastic bag that Grissom had dumped on Sara's lap.

"Medical and forensic journals. I know that Catherine brought you in some magazines but I figured that reading about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt wasn't really your thing."

Sara raised her eyebrows at Grissom.

"You know about Brad and Angelina?"

Grissom shrugged.

"Not everything escapes my attention you know. So are those ok? They are the latest issues."

Sara nodded as she shifted through the magazines, some of them newer then others, and she could tell where there were interesting articles by the dog-eared pages.

"Perfect, thanks Grissom. Your read all of them?"

Grissom nodded again, leaning over her shoulder to pull out one from the bottom of the pile.

"This one here has a really interesting article on ballistics and how it helped solve a kidnapping in Florida. And there is another article in this one here…."

He leant over her again, his chest pressed gently against her shoulder, the contact bringing a heat to her cheeks.

"Is a really fascinating one on mental disorders and what it means to the system. I earmarked the ones with articles I thought might interest you. It should keep you busier then Brad and Angelina."

Sara nodded, standing to move back to her bed, pausing only when Grissom put a warm hand on her arm.

"Careful. Don't forget your I.V pole."

She stood patiently as he struggled for a moment with the long piece of metal before he placed it in her hand, and feeling him watching her as she wheeled it back beside the bed, before hoping into bed herself, removing her coat slowly, her side aching slightly. She had just settled herself when a dark head poked around the corner of her door.

"I believe that there is a troublemaker here by the name of Sara Sidle? She say's she's sick but I have serious doubts."

A smile broke out at the familiar voice and face of Geoff Davidson, Laura's husband and her good friend.

"Sorry buddy, but only pretty people are allowed in here"

Geoff stepped fully in the room, his tall frame filling the doorway completely, his booming voice filing the room with life and sound.

"Then what the hell are you doing in here?"

Sara laughed as the large man pulled her into a tight squeeze.

"How ya doing, Shortie?"

Sara waited while the man got himself settled at the end of the bed, his weight pushing the bed to the side slightly.

"Good. Before I forget, Geoff this is Gil Grissom my supervisor at work. Grissom this is Laura's husband Geoff."

Geoff took Grissom's hand in his own, gave it a good shake before turning his attention back to Sara.

"So what's up with you, Shortie? Lu said you were sick…."

Sara nodded, her heart breaking for about the twelfth time that day.

"I got diagnosed with breast cancer a few days ago. I start chemotherapy in about eighteen days."

Sara watched as a silent communication passed between Geoff and Laura, their eyes meeting, Laura's eyebrows rising slightly before Geoff turned his attention back to Sara.

"Well we are here for anything that you need, just ask ok? I don't want to see any of that foolish pride of yours Sara Sidle. Do you hear me?"

Sara nodded, feeling better with each second that passed. She knew that she had a few people that cared for her but it was different when they were almost all in one room, demanding that you let them help you. It made Sara feel safe.

"So I packed some stuff in the back of the truck, so if you just give me your house key and directions then I can get Lu and I settled before you come home from the hospital."

Sara reached for her purse which sat on the bedside cabinet, fished around for a few seconds before her hand closed around the familiar bunch of keys, it took her a few more minutes to untangle them and then unhook the key but she finally placed it in Geoff's outstretched hand.

"There's no need for directions Sara, I know where we are going. I'll take Geoff to our new house; you stay here and keep out of trouble. I'll bring back some descent food before you start to fade away from all the crap food they have here."

Sara nodded and hugged Laura and then Geoff, watching as they left the room, leaving her alone with Grissom.

"So how is it that you ended up with the nickname Shortie?"

Sara had to smile at the confusion on Grissom's face.

"Geoff and I went out for a while in college and I was like a little person when I stood next to him, so he started calling me Shortie and it kind of stuck."

Grissom made himself comfortable on the chair next to the bed.

"So how long have you known Laura?"

Sara thought for a second, adding up the years in her head.

"Since I was eighteen. We lost contact when she went to live in Africa just before I came to Vegas. I've known Geoff just a little less then that. They are really good people. So how are things at work?"

Grissom shrugged, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Yeah it's going good. The new CSI, Alex, she's doing really well. Greg and Nick have their eyes on her, except they don't know what I know."

Sara raised her eyebrows, her natural curiosity getting the best of her.

"And that would be?"

Grissom crossed his arms across his chest, all business again.

"I don't know if I should say. It's incredible personal and if you met her, I don't want you looking at her any differently. She's already been shifted because of others judgementality."

Sara shook her head.

"I have never been one to judge the innocent. Unless she's a killer, child molester or anything along those lines, I will reserve judgement. I promise not to say a thing."

Grissom sat in thought for a few moments, his need to distract Sara from her current situation overcoming his normal desire for professionalism.

"Alex is a lesbian."

It took a second for the news to sink in, but Sara started laughing, her sides heaving, her eyes sparkling from unshed tears. It took a few minutes for her to compose herself, the laughter dying into small hiccups.

"That is classic. Greg and Nick both drooling after a woman that would never have any kind of romantic interest in them. I'm sure that has to be a first for Nick at least."

Grissom matched Sara's smile, a comfortable silence falling between them. Grissom was having a hard time dealing with the cancer news and he knew he was not the only one. Warrick and Catherine had taken to spending hours together pouring over everything they could find about breast cancer, taking pages and pages of notes so they could understand what their friend was going through, Nick and Greg had given themselves the job of the feel good brigade, keeping everyone as up beat as possible. It was hard to work without Sara at the office, knowing that she didn't have the day off, that she was in fact hospital dealing with a disease that could claim her life. He was trying to deal with the fact that this beautiful young woman was getting afflicted with something so deadly at the prime of her life, a time when she should thinking about settling down or in Sara's case, continue working. _Maybe this is what she needs to realize what is important to her, and what she needs to do with her life. Maybe that is why the disease attacked her. _

"Do you think things happen for a reason Grissom? That maybe the people who die do because it's their time?"

The fun was gone from Sara's face, Grissom's news distracting for only a little while. She watched as Grissom chewed over her question, watched him try to process a suitable answer.

"I don't know Sara. The scientist in me wants to say yes, that there is a logical and even sensible reason for all things, but sometimes I wonder if there is. What sense can be made out of a death of a child? Or that there are people out their killing of their own accord, hurting and maiming others because they can. I guess we really can't have all the answers, you just need to draw your own conclusion as you go along."

Sara nodded, her fingers playing with the needle on the top of her hand, pulling the tape on and off of her skin. The tears came again, tears that she had long stopped trying to swallow, learning that the sooner she released them the sooner they departed. She increased the speed in which she was tearing the tape on and off, until Grissom placed a gentle hand on top of hers, halting the movement.

"You are going to take out the needle and that could end up very messy."

Sara sat up a little straighter, anger coming off of her in sudden hard waves.

"Why me Grissom? Am I such a terrible person, I have I lived my life in such a terrible way that the fates decided that I needed to be punished?"

Her voice broke off as sobs over took her, the force of her fear and anger making it hard to breath. She became aware of Grissom's hand leaving her own, felt him shift and felt the bed sinking slightly as he put his arm around her, letting her collapse into his chest.

"I just don't understand. All those bad people out there and I get struck down with something I don't deserve. Something I don't think I can handle."

Grissom didn't offer any answers, just held her, stroking her hair and rocking her slightly back and forth, letting her cry, letting her vent.

"I hate feeling so out of control Grissom. I hate not knowing what the results are going to be, and I hate that I have to try and reconnect with old friends while I try and live through this."

Grissom continued to hold her as she yelled and cried into his chest, her fists clenched tightly against her sides, her knuckles a painful looking white. Eventually the tears died down, her breathing returned to normal, but she kept her face against Grissom's chest, his scent making her feel calm and sensible. And embarrassed. _If I keep my head down, I don't have to face the fact that I just had a breakdown in front of Grissom. He stroked my hair, which I know for a fact is well due for a wash, and I think I ruined his shirt. What a great week this is turning out to be. Get it together Sidle. The sooner the better._

Sara raised her head from his chest, sniffing slightly she ran an impatient hand over each of her cheeks, trying to rid herself of any tears that still remained.

"Sorry Grissom. I guess the shock wore off, and anger and doubt decided to join the party. Can you pass me the tissues?"

Grissom wordlessly handed her the box of tissues from the on top of the cabinet, moving off the bed in the same motion. He settled himself back on the chair beside her bed, watching as she cleaned herself up, blowing her nose and wiping her eyes, his arms feeling suddenly useless at his sides.

"So what you up to this weekend?"

Grissom shrugged.

"No idea. I have the whole weekend off for the first time in months and I don't know what I'm going to do with all that time. What about you? Looking forward to getting home?"

Sara nodded, her eyes glancing over the front of Grissom's now water stained blue shirt.

"You have no idea. I'm sorry about your shirt Grissom. I'll pay for the dry cleaning if it needs it."

Grissom shook his head.

"Forget it. You can buy me a coffee sometime, ok?"

Sara nodded again, a wave of sleepiness coming over her, a yawn escaping before she could stop it. Grissom gave her a gentle smile as she snuggled further into her bed.

"Get some sleep Sara. You need to rest.'

Sara closed her eyes, felt Grissom pull the blankets more around her chin before sleep took over. Grissom stayed for a while longer, watching as Sara slept, trying to control the anger that had crept up on him. He needed to get back to work; he needed to keep busy before he started thinking again, before he started thinking about the pain that Sara was going through.

* * *

Catherine and Warrick walked down the corridor towards Grissom's office, their shift's long over but neither wanted to go home just yet. Catherine had organised for Lindsay to stay a little longer at her grandmothers, giving her a few more hours of free time. Warrick had been keeping to her side for this whole terrible event and for that she was grateful. She liked how safe she felt with him and how she could rely on him for anything that she needed. 

"So why are we raiding Grissom's office again?"

Catherine smiled.

"Just checking to make sure that there is no paper work to be done that he may have missed is all really. I want to make things as easy as possible for him. Sara means more to him then I think even he realizes and this is a bigger blow then he even expected. How are you holding up?"

Warrick shrugged as he held open a swinging door for Catherine to slip through.

"I'm ok. It's hard but I'm dealing. It's frustrating though not being able to do anything. I feel like some kind of useless lump not doing anything."

Catherine laid a hand on his shoulder when they finally came to stop outside of Grissom's office.

"You're doing more then you realize. She needs us to be there for her and that's it."

Warrick nodded and was about to comment when he heard a loud noise coming from behind Grissom's door, followed by some thumps and cursing. He exchanged a look with Catherine before pushing the door open. Grissom was standing to the side of his desk, his face red, tears spilling onto his beard. All over the room were papers, his filing cabinet thrown on the floor, his lamp on the floor, the bulb shattered, his computer also on the floor, its screen cracked violently down the middle. He looked up when he heard the door open, his face falling back into his hands when he saw them at the door. Catherine took in the situation, processing what must have happened. _So this is what happens when Grissom is pissed and upset? Such violence for such a quiet man._ Warrick had started shifting things back into place, piling the files on Grissom's desk, picking up the heavy computer, while Catherine moved to sit beside Grissom where he had slid down the wall.

"Grissom, are you ok?"

Grissom shook his head, his face still in his hands.

"Look at me Grissom. Talk to me."

Grissom raised his head from his hands, the anger and hurt there clear for all too see.

"She asked me why it happened to her, and for once I didn't have all the answers. I couldn't say anything, couldn't do anything. She broke down and I had nothing to say. I hate not having the answers or at least knowing the answer is there. What am I meant to do Cath? How the hell do you stand by and watch someone you care about hurt?"

Catherine shrugged as she handed the older man a tissue to blow his nose and clean up his tears.

"You have to accept that there is nothing you can do Grissom, except be there for her. You need to be strong for her."

Grissom nodded and watched as Warrick continued his cleaning.

"Sorry Warrick.. I got frustrated and vented on the furniture."

Warrick dismissed the apology with a wave of his hand.

"No problem Grissom. I vented on the locker room earlier. There are now some nice dents in some of the doors. How is Sara?"

Grissom stood, his body sagging slightly, his tiredness and emotional exhaustion showing in his normally steady frame.

"Sleeping when I left. She had a bit of a breakdown and it wiped her out completely. It's like that vivacious Sara is gone, and some other creature is there. I needed to be distracted so I came back top work, and the first thing I saw was some paperwork signed by Sara and I lost it."

Catherine exchanged a glance with Warrick before taking Grissom by the arm and leading him out of his office and towards the break room.

"Come on, let's get a coffee."

* * *

Sara woke up to find Laura sitting in the chair across from her, reading one of the forensic magazines, her pretty face pulled into frown. 

"Do you even understand what you are reading?"

Laura's head popped up slightly at the sound of Sara's voice, smiling as she put the magazine down.

"I get some of it. Not the huge words that only a scientist like yourself would understand though. I brought you one of my world famous cheesecakes. Lemon and passionfruit of course."

Laura pulled out two forks from her handbag and placed a plate in front of Sara, the yellow glaze shimmering under the harsh lighting of the hospital. Sara happily dug into the cheesecake, the sweetness of the slice cutting the bitterness that had overtaken her earlier. Sara didn't know what happened when she had spoken to Grissom, all the fear and anger that she had bottled up so carefully came pouring out. She felt both embarrassed and relieved by her emotional outbreak, embarrassed because it was Grissom, relieved because at least he had seen her cry before.

"What you thinking about?"

Laura was tossing Sara looks in between bites of the cheesecake, which was half gone.

"When you left before, I had a bit of a breakdown in front of Grissom."

Laura raised her eyebrows.

"And what did he do?"

Sara shrugged, forking another chunk of the crumbly cake's base.

"He held me while I cried. It was quite sweet really, then I fell asleep and he left."

Laura put her fork down, sat back and studied Sara for a few seconds.

"What happened with you guys anyway? I mean you were quite good friends in college, and you always had a little something-something for the guy. What became of it?"

Sara put her fork down, the topic of her sorry love life and useless crush making her stomach churn.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I asked him out once, he said no and we left it at that."

Laura shook her head, a sarcastic laugh escaping her.

"It's never that easy, you know that as well as I do. We both know that when you fall you fall hard."

Sara shook her head.

"I didn't fall for Grissom. I had a crush on him, big difference."

Laura shook her head again.

"Not when it comes to you. You are emotional person and I don't think your heart knows the difference."

Sara shook her head again; Laura's comment's hitting a raw nerve.

"Back off Laura. You don't know what you are talking about."

Laura shrugged, dismissing the topic as easily as she had brought it up.

"So are you looking forward to getting home tomorrow?"

Sara nodded, the tension in her shoulders that had crept up with the topic of Grissom disappearing.

"Dying to sleep in my own bed. You settled in alright?"

Laura nodded as she crossed her legs.

"Yeah we have. We did some shopping too, cleaned up and did some laundry. The place was a mess."

Sara felt a blush creep into her cheeks as she remembered what her apartment looked like when she had left it.

"I went a little crazy when I found out about the cancer. Sorry about the mess."

Laura shook her head, waving her hand in the air.

"Think nothing of it. Geoff had a good time cleaning up, really."

Sara smiled. Geoff had always hated cleaning, avoided it like the plague.

"Yeah I'm sure he did."

Laura matched Sara's smile with her own.

"I have a surprise for you."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N - This chapter is a little bit of fun before things get a little more serious. Hope that you like it and I'll post the next chapter tomorrow! And don't forget the golden rule - Read and reveiw!!!_

Chapter Six - Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

Sara raised her eyebrows; Laura's surprises were a little odd at times. She had once given Sara a birthday suprise in the form of a male stripper jumping from a giant cake. With Laura you never know exactly what you are going to get.

"What?"

Laura wriggled her eyebrows at Sara.

"I'm not going to tell you that. Just pack these things on the list and be ready 6am on Friday. No questions, and don't bother asking Geoff, I made him swear to keep quiet."

Sara just looked at Laura as she handed Sara a piece of paper, her small even handwriting all the way down the page.

_Things You Need To Pack._

_Bikini_

_Sneakers_

_One formal outfit_

_Nice shoes to go with formal outfit_

_Personals (Shampoo,soap,razors etc)_

_Beach towels_

_One set of Casual clothes_

_$100 cash_

_One fun outfit_

"This is a bit of an odd list. Anything else I should bring?"

Laura smiled at Sara as she gathered the now empty cheesecake plate and her handbag.

"An open mind. I'll be around to pick you up from here at about lunch time tomorrow ok? Get some more rest."

Sara watched Laura leave, her curiosity peaked but there was no way to release it.

* * *

Grissom's train of thought was broken by a knock on his office door. Warrick had cleaned up enough for it to look good enough for public display, and he was presuming it was one of his team anyway. 

"Come in."

Grissom was surprised to have Laura walk through his office door rather then one of the few other people he was expecting.

"Hey Grissom. How are you?"

Grissom indicated to the chair across from him, waiting as the pretty young woman took the seat offered.

"About as good as could be expected. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Laura shuffled around in her handbag for a few minutes before turning to Grissom again, a small piece of paper in her hand.

"Do you have the weekend off this week?"

Grissom nodded slowly, eyeing up the paper in woman's hand with suspicion.

"Yes why?"

Laura smiled brightly at Grissom, handing over the piece of paper.

"Be ready six am. We'll pick you up from here or at your place, whichever you prefer. Is that ok?"

Laura asked the last part almost as after thought, clearly not used to anyone arguing with her.

Grissom nodded, going over the list with a cautious eye.

"And what is this in aid of?"

Laura's smile disappeared, her clear blue eyes becoming sad.

"For Sara. I want to cheer her up, distract her for a little while. So Geoff and I came up with a plan. Just say you'll come and I'll stop bugging you."

Grissom nodded again, this time more decisively.

"Of course I'll come. If you pick me up from here, I'll be ready. Do you need me to bring anything else aside from what's on the list?"

Laura smiled as she stood to leave.

"An open mind and be in the mood for fun. Thanks Grissom."

Grissom just nodded and watched Laura back out the door, closing it softly behind her, puzzled and curious as to what they were going to do all weekend.

* * *

"This is the best feeling in the world. I have been dying to do this for days." 

Sara sprawled herself on her large queen size bed, smiling as she smelt the crisp clean sheets and clean pillowcases. She pushed herself up a little more so that she was sitting to one side, patting the bed beside her for Laura to sit.

"You didn't have to change and make my bed you know."

Sara watched as Laura got settled,

"Yeah I did. I still remember what a sucker you where for fresh sheets. I left your laundry on the chair in the corner, didn't really want to go rifling through your draws. We did shopping too, got plenty of vegetables and stuff, Geoff is going to make dinner tonight. You need to rest."

Sara sat up, sighing loudly.

"I've had enough rest. I think I might go for a run. Wanna come?"

Laura narrowed her eyes at Sara.

"You're going to go no matter what, right?"

Sara nodded, a small smile breaking out on her face as she started to get changed, pulling on blue track pants, sports bra and tank top.

"I would enjoy the company though. You can stop me from thinking to hard."

Laura got up from the bed, looking a little worried.

"I haven't jogged in years."

Sara shrugged as she began stretching.

"We'll take it easy. Just go and get changed."

A few minutes later Sara and Laura were standing outside of Sara's apartment, the cool air having given way to the Nevada heat that Sara had taken so long to get accustomed too. She watched as Laura did some awkward stretches, smiling as she showed her how to adjust her limbs to gain the full effect.

"I wasn't the runner in this friendship, Sara Sidle. Laugh at me and I will kick your butt. You know I still can if I wanted too."

Sara smiled.

"You'll have to catch me first."

Sara started the jog at an easy pace, aware that Laura's much shorter stride would make it harder for her to keep up. The silence between them was broken only by the steady intake and exhale of breath and by the sloshing of the water in the drink bottles they each carried. Sara led Laura down her usual route, through the local park, around the fountain in the centre and towards the heart of the city, pausing when they got to her usual turning point. Sara only felt slightly winded, her breath coming in even bouts, her muscles not humming like they usually did when she pushed herself. She watched as Laura came to a stop beside her, instantly doubling over, hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

"That…..was…..taking….it…easy?"

Sara smiled as she put a hand on her friends back.

"Yep, and we have to go back yet. Just keep moving around and you'll not have such sore muscles tomorrow."

Laura flashed Sara a glare with what little energy she could muster before she began moving around a little more, making a small circle around the bench that they had stopped at. It took a few minutes for Laura to catch her breath enough to make conversation, sitting beside Sara as she watched people move quickly past them.

"So we have five years to catch up on. What have you been up too?"

Sara shrugged.

"Working."

Laura allowed a snort to escape.

"You've been working for five years? No sex, not boyfriends no breaking of the law? Hard to believe."

Sara took a long swallow of her water before responding.

"Ok so stuff has happened in between. I had a boyfriend for a short time there, but he turned out to be a cheating scumbag, I was snapped for DUI, I told Grissom about what happened with Mom and Dad. I think that's about it. Not a lot happens to me normally."

Laura stared at the small children that were bustling past with a very tired looking mother.

"Are you scared?"

Sara started playing with the bottle in her hand, tearing the label off and then trying to stick it back on.

"I don't think there is a word that goes with how I feel. Terrified, scared and overwhelmed seem like such small words. I think I'm still in a state of shock really."

Laura nodded her visual focus on a tree in the distance.

"What about kids? Have you thought about that?"

Sara shook her head and stood up, making a show of looking at her watch.

"We had better get going. It's going to get dark soon.'

Sara was off before Laura had even managed to get up off the bench where they had been sitting. Laura watched for a few seconds before standing to follow, allowing a little distance so that Sara could cry in peace if that's what she needed.

* * *

Sara grew suspicious of what Laura had planned the moment they pulled up in front of the CSI office. 

"What are we doing here?"

Laura said nothing, just turned off the engine and looked out the window of the car. Sara sat beside her friend silently fuming, judging by the silence and lack of questions from Geoff who was sitting in the back seat, he was in on whatever Laura had planned. It wasn't until Sara spotted Grissom stepping out of the building, a small suitcase in one hand with a dry cleaning bag slung over one arm that she realized what was going on.

"Laura, please tell me that you didn't invite Grissom to this weekend."

Laura looked at Sara and met her panicked gaze with a wide smile.

"I didn't invite Grissom this weekend."

Sara sunk lower in her seat, as Geoff got out of the back and helped Grissom load his gear into the back of the somewhat large car. It wasn't until he had gotten settled in the back seat that he spoke.

"Hello everyone. How are you feeling Sara?"

Sara turned to face him plastering a smile on her face. She knew that it would take a lot for this man to get out of his comfort zone, and going on a trip to an unknown destination with Laura was about as uncomfortable as it could get.

"Good thanks Grissom. What about yourself?"

Grissom nodded.

"Yeah pretty good. Looking forward to the weekend off. So Laura where are we headed?"

Laura shook her head, tapping her finger to her nose as she moved back into the early morning traffic.

"Not telling. But I will stop at Starbucks, because quite frankly this is too early to be without caffeine."

Idle conversation was made and thrown back and forth as they headed towards the local Starbucks, the light traffic making for a fairly smooth travelling time. Sara took the orders, her memory was much better then Laura's and they were off, leaving the men in the back of the car to make conversation.

"I don't believe I had you in any of my classes."

Grissom decided that the past was the better and safer topic considering the current Sara issue. Geoff shook his head, adjusting his frame slightly.

"Nah, I had no interest in forensics. I did all my studies on politics and economics and then did some studies in health as well. That is how I ended up in Africa."

Grissom nodded.

"Laura told me a little about that. What were you there for exactly?"

Geoff face lit up, happy to have someone interested.

"Helped run the local hospitals, administering drugs, doing general health checks, helped build some buildings and a couple of wells."

Grissom turned his body more towards the younger man, the size of the vehicle allowing him to do so thankfully.

"You sound like you loved it there. What made you come back to the USA?"

Geoff inclined his head towards the Starbuck's building.

"Laura. It was getting to her, seeing all the death and poverty over there. The children really got to her also the death of them hurt her so badly. I had to choose between my love of helping people and my love for Laura. Not that it was really a choice; I mean I would follow Laura to the ends of the earth if she said it might be fun."

Geoff spoke of his love for Laura in a matter of fact manner, as if it was only natural for a man to love a woman so much. Grissom was both embarrassed and intrigued by this man who was so comfortable with his emotions. _How can someone be so happy being so vulnerable? So comfortable allowing someone in? _Grissom was about to probe further but Sara and Laura had arrived back at the car, and were handing them their coffees and a cookie each. They drove in silence as they munched and sipped, each lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't until Grissom happened to glance in the side view mirror that he saw that Sara didn't have a coffee.

"Where is your coffee Sara?"

Sara turned to face him, holding a red and white can out to him.

"Red Bull. Energy drink."

Grissom raised his eyebrows.

"I always thought those things tasted horrible."

Sara offered him the can.

"It's not too bad. Try some."

Grissom took the can from her hand, and took a small sip. It tasted sweet and strong. Grissom swallowed quickly, the taste sticking to his tastebuds. He handed the can back to Sara, shaking his head.

"I'll stick to my coffee thanks."

Sara smiled and returned back to her seat, sipping at her can thoughtfully.

"We need some music. I don't suppose anyone can agree on one kind?"

Laura glanced in the rear view mirror at the two men then exchanged a quick look with Sara.

"No? Ok then, as the navigator, I get to choose."

Laura hummed to herself as she began to flick through some of the radio stations. A catchy tune began to fill the car, Laura's fingers tapping on the steering wheel.

_Finally I figured out_

_But it took a long long time_

_But now there's a turnabout_

_Maybe 'cause I'm trying_

_There's been times, I'm so confused_

_All my road's, they lead to you_

_I just can't turn and walk away_

_It's hard to say what I see in you_

_Wonder if I'll always be with you _

_But word's can't say, and I can't do_

_Enough to prove,_

_It's all for you_

Sara exchanged a smile with Laura, and in unison they started singing at the top of their lungs, making both Geoff and Grissom jump slightly.

_I thought I'd seen it all_

'_Cause it's been a long long time_

_But then we'll trip and fall_

_Wondering if I'm blind_

Sara and Laura continued singing to the end of the song, breaking down in a fit of giggles when it came to an end. After a few moment's, they had composed themselves enough to remember that there were other's in the car with them. Sara blushed slightly; Laura just shrugged her shoulders and turned the radio back down. Silence filled the car again, and Grissom watched as Sara kicked off her shoes and put her feet on the dashboard. Her toes were small and perfectly even, the skin smooth and white. She had painted her nails recently, the cranberry red making her feet even paler. She also had an anklet on, the golden jewels on the chain catching the light and making little globes of sunlight dance around the car. It was then, staring at her ankle, that Grissom realised that she had a tattoo on her upper foot. It was a small one, circular, in a sun shape. She had relaxed against the head rest of her chair and had her eyes closed a small smile on her lips. She looked happy and relaxed. Something Grissom hadn't seen in a while.He was so busy focusing on Sara that he didn't realize that the car had stopped its forward movement and had come to a halt outside of a motel. Laura flashed a grin as she jumped out the car, clearly expecting the others to follow.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this will be our home for the next two days. Sara will be with me, you boy's will be together. Get your things."

The obediently went to the boot of the car and grabbed their gear, Geoff grabbing both his and Laura's, and followed the woman into the building. The motel was a nice one, the paint wasn't peeling like most Grissom had seen and stayed in. The carpets were nice and it smelt clean.

"Hi, reservations for Davidson please"

The young girl at the desk nodded and tapped a few keys on her computer.

"Oh yes here you are. Now we are short of rooms this time of year, so your request for two double rooms could not be completely honoured. I have one room with two single beds and one with a double."

Laura rolled her eyes then nodded, accepting the keys with a sigh. She led them all to the rooms, opening only the one and allowing them inside.

"Would you look at that? There is only a door separating us! So Sara and I will take the double bed, I think we'll be nice and take that, don't you?"

Sara pretended to weigh the decision, smiling at the idea of Grissom sharing a bed with Geoff.

"Yeah, I suppose we should."

Sara watched as Geoff elbowed Grissom slightly, a wide grin on his face, Grissom looking complexed and confused. When Geoff and Laura moved away from them, he leant forward and said in a whisper,

"Why is Geoff so happy?"

Sara studied Grissom for a long moment before she graced him with a small smile.

"You're kidding right? You really don't know?"

Grissom shook his head. Sara took a deep breath, not for the first time wondering how Grissom made it into adulthood.

"Its most guys absolute fantasy for two women to be together. In the intimate sense."

Sara watched as Grissom digested this information and smiled again when a look of understanding passed over his face.

"I must admit Sara, while the idea is perplexing to me; I would not say it was one of my biggest fantasies. And anyway, Laura's married to Geoff and you are as far as I know, straight. Why would you do that?"

Sara threw her suitcase on her bed, her head down.

"Yeah well Grissom, you're not the average guy are you? Proved that by way over thinking the situation. You had better go and claim one of those beds."

Grissom nodded and moved away from Sara, entering into the next room, and throwing his suitcase onto the bed away from the window. He hung his dry cleaning bag on the back of the door and then sat at the end of the bed, rethinking this trip in all its entirety. _Did I really think that this may bring Sara and I closer? If anything I am just moving in on the fun. Why did I think that this would work? _Grissom was still mentally kicking himself when Laura walked into the room, Geoff trailing behind her.

"You alright Grissom? You look disappointed."

Laura sat beside him, and waited for an answer.

"I just feel like I'm doing nothing but interrupting the fun. I don't think Sara can really relax with me looking over her shoulder."

Laura laughed, bumping him gently with her slim shoulder.

"Sara can and will relax. I invited you because you are close friends with her. And also to balance out the sexes a little. I don't want poor Geoff to feel overwhelmed."

Laura stood and kissed her husband lightly on the cheek.

"Right, you guys need to get changed into some of your older clothes and sneakers. Make sure it's clothes you don't mind getting stained or ruined."

Laura walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Geoff shrugged at Grissom and began to get changed, pulling clothes out of his suitcase. Grissom followed suit, pulling out an old blue T-shirt and a pair of tattered jeans that had seen much better days. _Whatever Laura has planned next, if anything, at least it will be interesting._

"What the hell is this?"

Sara was feeling more and more suspicious as they moved further and further down a drive that was overgrown with dense undergrowth.

"I am taking you to do something that you have wanted to do for years."

Laura smiled a little as Sara got more and more impatient. It wasn't until she saw the sign near the end of the path that Sara broke into a large smile.

"So this is what you had planned? Did you see the sign Grissom?"

Grissom nodded and watched as Sara got more and more excited, like a kid at Christmas time. The car finally stopped and Sara jumped out of the car as soon as they stopped and was jumping up and down on the spot as she waited for the others to get out of the car. They were greeted by an older man who gave them all army style overalls, guns and a vast supply of paint balls.

"Right, we can do this two ways. Boys against girls or you guys against me and Geoff. What you think?"

Sara exchanged a glace with Grissom who nodded.

"Ok us against you guys. We'll be the blue. We have five minutes to spread out right?"

Laura nodded and shook Sara and Grissom's hands in a serious manner.

"May the best couple win. Don't forget your radios. And remember, it's the one with the less paint spots that win."

Sara nodded and clipped hers onto one of the belt loops on her hip, watching as Grissom did the same. She waited for Geoff and Laura to go out of ear shot before she turned to Grissom, all business.

"Right. Should we stick together, or spread out?'

Grissom caught onto her fun and competitive mood quickly.

"Spread out, just not too far, a couple of feet should do the trick. Let's go."

Grissom went one way, Sara the other, making sure to keep each other in their sights and got settled, waiting for the games to begin.

* * *

Grissom had to admit that the game was more fun then he had anticipated it being. A nice bonus was seeing Sara so happy also her grin was wide despite her hair and face being covered in paint. She was even happier when they were declared the winners by just one paintball. 

"Like there was going to be any doubt that we were going to win. It was too easy."

Sara slung an easy arm around Grissom's shoulder as Laura took a picture, then getting the old owner to take a picture of the whole group, pressing Sara even closer into Grissom, a feeling he rather enjoyed.

"Right, time to go home, and get cleaned up and fed."

Laura led the way back to the truck, where a happy tiredness settled over the small group. Nobody spoke as they pulled into the motel and hopped out of the car.

"I've got the shower first!"

Sara dashed into the small bathroom before anyone could protest.

"We are going to be in for a heck of a wait. I told you she would relax Grissom. You need to do the same."

Laura threw Grissom a wide smile before leading Geoff out of the room's and outside into the sun. Grissom stayed where he was sitting on the end of what he thought was Laura's bed, trying to ignore the slight aching he had in his legs from all the running around he had just done. He was lost in thought when Sara came out of the bathroom, fully dressed in a pair of black slacks and a plain red shirt, a blue comb in her hand.

"Where's Laura?"

Grissom shrugged.

"She went outside with Geoff and I think they went for a walk. Need help with something.'

Sara stood there for a second, obviously weighing up her choices. She pointed to her wet, sleek hair that hung around her shoulders.

"I have a patch of paint I can't get out and now my hair is all tangled. Do you think you could try and get it out?"

Grissom nodded slowly, patting the bed beside him.

"I can but try."

Sara sat on the edge of the bed, handing Grissom the comb over her shoulder. He soon found the small tight tangle of hair that sat in the centre of her head, purple and blue paint had dried making a nice flaky mess that contrasted with her now black hair. He gentle picked up the messed strands and as gentle as possible began to undo the tangle one bit at a time, the flakes of pain falling onto his pant leg. After about ten minutes, it was done, her hair once again loose and free around her shoulders.

"Thanks Grissom. I wonder what other wonderful things Laura has planned for us?"

Grissom settled himself further onto the bed, quite forgetting that it wasn't his own.

"No idea. But I'm going to take a shower before they come back and beat me into the bathroom."

Grissom moved off the bed and grabbed the clean clothes he had taken from his suitcase earlier and moved into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

About ten minutes later, he had managed to remove all of the paint from his hair and face, and upon entering back into the girl's room after stopping at his own to put his dirty clothes away; he found his three travel companion's sitting on the floor surrounding a small table, which was loaded down with pizza boxes.

"Good timing Grissom. Hope you like pizza."

Grissom nodded and sat on the cushion that was laid next to Sara, who was digging into what looked like vegetarian pizza.

"Ok Geoff ordered Meat Lovers, Supreme and Hawaiian, and of course Vegetarian."

Grissom raised his eyebrows as he accepted a piece of Meat Lovers.

"It's an awful lot of pizza for four people."

Laura exchanged a smile with Geoff and Sara, before turning back to Grissom.

"Just wait till these two get started. Sara eats like horse and Geoff….Well Geoff's eating habits are better left undiscussed."

Geoff nudged Laura with his elbow which made Laura's piece of pizza hit her nose, leaving a nice large spot of tomato paste around her nose. Sara looked at Laura, her face serious, tapping her own nose.

"Hey Lu, you got a little something just there."

Geoff cracked up, Sara joining in soon after while Laura swiped at her nose, a huge grin on her face. Grissom caught the laughter bug, and they were sitting there laughing, the mood light and happy. He was aware of Sara sitting beside him, could smell her fresh clean scent, still feel her hair between his fingers, the mango and passionfruit scent of her shampoo still clinging to his scenes. He loved how happy she looked, how her whole persona changed when she was around Laura and Geoff, even though it still left him worried that he was somehow spoiling the weekend. His thoughts were cut off by Laura standing suddenly and looking at her watch.

"Right its 1'clock. I'm going to go and sunbathe by the pool and then go for a dip. Who's going to join me?"

Sara nodded then motioned to the pizza.

"I'll come but I'm going to have more pizza first and you really should get rid of that paint before we go."

Laura ran a hand through her hair, nodding.

"Almost forgot that. Right, I'll leave you to finish that off; I'll meet you round there."

Sara and Geoff both nodded, mouths fill of pizza. Grissom grabbed a second piece of pizza, his stomach was starting to fill up already, and yet somehow Sara was still happily putting away her forth slice, Geoff his fifth.

"Where do you guys put it?"

Geoff shrugged as he exchanged a look with Sara.

"My father used to always say that we had hollow legs. Thanksgivings at my house didn't have any leftovers let me tell you. Shortie and I always took care of that, didn't we?"

Sara nodded, wiping her mouth on a napkin.

"Even if your mother made double, there was never any left. We were such pigs."

Geoff looked over Sara's slight frame, a twinkle in his eye.

"Yeah, and you are so fat and all. You really should diet, get rid of those extra rolls. Don't you think Grissom?"

Grissom shook his head.

"I may not know much about women but I do know that you do not comment on their weight. Sure way to loose your head."

Sara nodded pointing at Grissom.

"Now this is a smart guy. Learn from him Geoff."

They finished their pizza quickly and then the men moved into their room to get changed into their swimming trunks, Grissom feeling hugely self conscious and uncomfortable. _I taught these kids in my class, and now I have to wear my trunks next to these young ones. Feeling older and older. _Grissom pulled on his swim trunks, thankful that his body was in ok shape, no flabby old man stomach or anything like that. He grabbed a towel and followed Geoff out of the room, crashing into Sara on her way out. Grissom's breath caught in his throat as he looked her over. She was wearing a blood red bikini, a crimson sari tied loosely around her waist, secured at the hip. Her skin was creamier then Grissom imagined it would be, her stomach smooth, and much to Grissom's surprise, a small navel ring sparkled slightly in the sun. He also noticed some small scars that littered her stomach and her back when she turned. Her hair was loose and glossy around her shoulders, her sunglasses perched on the top of her head.

"Well hello boys. Look out world, hot guys in trunks coming through."

Sara gave them a small smile before moving past them, Grissom's eyes glued to her hips. Geoff had to elbow him slightly to get his attention back.

"You alright Grissom?"

Grissom gave himself a quick mental shake, and then nodded, feeling foolish for acting as he did, as if Sara was a prize piece of meat, not the intelligent women that she was. He followed Geoff to the pool area, and took another deep breath. Sara and Laura were both laid out on the deck chairs, and it was a beautiful sight. Nothing but long legs and bare stomachs. And for the life of him, Grissom could not tear his eyes away from the glittering jewel on Sara's stomach. He took the lounger beside Laura, figuring it was slightly safer then sitting beside a half naked Sara.

"So Missy Lou, when did you get your belly pierced?"

Sara's hand brushed against the ring gently, twirling it between her fingers.

"About 3 years ago. Hank was the reason."

Grissom kept his body relaxed even though his ears were straining to hear the conversation.

"Oh I see. Like you did with Bobby Finker at College?"

Grissom heard Sara let out a little snort, knowing that there would be a grin playing on her face.

"Hey Grissom?"

Laura gave Grissom a gentle poke in the arm, and Grissom rolled his body towards her.

"Yes?"

Laura put her glasses on the top of her head, her blue eyes twinkling.

"Do you remember seeing Sara with a nose ring?"

Grissom sat up slowly, his memory straining to remember moments with Sara in college. Grissom shook his head at Laura, his eyes shooting to Sara's, who was now sitting up and had slapped Laura in the arm.

"Laura!! I did not want all my friends to lose respect for me ok? Grissom, I was stupid back then and I got my nose pierced and it got infected. End of story. Ignore Laura; she likes to embarrass me in front of people who I respect."

Sara sat back down and settled herself to get some more sun. They laid in silence for a good hour, and then Geoff pulled Grissom off of his seat and away from the girl's earshot.

"Hey Griss, you wanna have some fun?"

Grissom said nothing, wanting to see where the fun would land him.

"I want to throw the girls in the pool."

Grissom looked over at the girl's who were lying peacefully in the sun, no clue as to what the guys were plotting. He knew he shouldn't want to do that, throwing the girls in the pool seemed like such a childish thing to do. _And that's why I want to do it._ He smiled as the idea started to sound better and better. Geoff smiled widely.

"I have a feeling though that they are so going to make us pay. Be prepared."

Grissom followed as Geoff led the way back to the girl's swapping sides with Grissom so he was beside Sara and Geoff was next to Laura.

"Now Grissom!"

Grissom moved before Sara could react, scooping her off her seat effortlessly, one arm hooked under her legs and the other around the middle of her back. Sara was squealing slightly, kicking and wiggling for all she was worth, but Grissom's grip was much stronger then her wriggling, and before she could register what was going on, Grissom had dropped her into the pool beside Laura.

"You guys are so dead."

Laura and Sara both pulled themselves out of the pool quickly, and went after the guys, Laura catching Geoff first, jumping on his back and tackling him into the pool where a water fight ensued. Sara had Grissom cornered at one side of the pool, his back against the pool fence.

"Make it easy on yourself Grissom."

Sara flashed Grissom a grin, the challenge in her eye far from the sadness that had been there lately. Grissom smiled back and stood tall putting a hand over his heart.

"I will not go without a fight!"

Sara raised her eyebrows, her eyes flashing down to his swim shorts and Grissom put his hand on the top of them.

"You wouldn't!"

Sara smiled wickedly.

"I wouldn't bet on it. I get pretty crazy when I'm hanging out with Laura and Geoff. Do you really want to find out?"

Grissom shook his head and pushed past her, throwing himself into the pool, Sara following closely behind.

"Hey what time is it people?"

Geoff pulled himself out of the pool and walked over to the table that he had put his watch on.

"Almost 4 o'clock."

Laura took the hand that Geoff offered as she struggled slightly to get out of the pool.

"Right. Everyone has one hour to get ready. Dress casual and warm"

Laura turned on her heel and Geoff followed her with the towels hanging from his arm, leaving Sara and Grissom in the pool, the night air becoming cooler, the sky darker.

"Were you really doing to pull down my trunks?"

Sara pushed her wet hair out of her face.

"Do you think I would?"

Grissom moved over to the ladder that was at the side of the pool, Sara following him.

"You know what? I think you would. If it meant that you would win."

Sara smiled, satisfied with his response.

Sara was amazed how Laura never failed to surprise her, and how after just a day of being with her, Geoff and Grissom, she didn't think about cancer once. Laura had taken it upon herself to make sure that Sara was relaxed and happy even if it was for just this one weekend, and despite Grissom's presence which she had first thought would make her tense, she was completely and utterly relaxed. With Geoff and Laura around, her confidence with interacting with Grissom returned and so had her somewhat trouble maker streak that she had hidden for many years. It was time to unleash the beast. Laura had driven them to the last place that Sara would ever envision herself going. It was a carnival, something she hadn't been to since she was a kid.

"And this folks is where that hundred dollars comes in to play, paying for the games and food. Oh and then there are the rules. No fighting, the only yelling allowed is the happy kind and I want smiles people, smiles!!!"

Laura grinned widely, and led the small group into the busy area with people milling all around them. Grissom gently took Sara's elbow to keep her close as they pushed past people, Geoff led by Laura who was holding tightly onto his hand.

"Right. What you wanna do? Split up or stay together?"

Sara glanced at Grissom, his warm hand burning through her coat and branding her skin.

"I think that it would be more fun together. And as the reason for this trip, I want Fairy Floss!!"

Sara rearranged her arm and put it through Grissom's, a much more comfortable way for them to stay close. Laura and Geoff moved slowly through the crowd until they finally found the floss machine and ordered four large ones. Sara ate hers happily, the sweet candies dissolving on her tongue almost instantly making her think of the few good times in her childhood. Sara had to smile as she watched Grissom eat his fairly floss slowly, taking his time as if every little bite was a miniature experiment.

"Haven't you ever had fairy floss before Grissom?"

Grissom nodded.

"Of course I have, I just don't remember it dissolving this quickly."

Sara smiled again and followed him through the crowd towards the Ferris wheel, waiting in line somewhat impatiently. She was eager to get off the ground and have some time alone with Grissom. She settled herself happily beside Grissom on the tin padded seat and waited as they were put higher and higher into the air. The cold breeze felt great against her cheeks, the lights of Nevada were o bright from up here, it made Sara feel small and insignificant. Grissom was watching her as she took in the amazing view that they had from their high point on the ride. The cold wind had put a flush into her cheeks and her eyes sparkled, she looked healthy. Grissom dropped his eyes when Sara turned her attention back to him.

"You ever regret things Grissom?"

Grissom nodded.

"Yeah I do, it's an unfortunate part of the human condition."

Sara pulled her jacket around her a little tighter as the ride slowly made its way down again.

"You know what I wish? I wish I could go back in time and talk to me 23 years ago, just after Mum killed Dad. Tell little Sara that things would turn out ok."

Grissom said nothing, didn't feel that there was anything he could say.

"What is your biggest regret Grissom?"

Grissom sat for a moment chewing over the question as the ride drifted them back to the top of the wide circle.

"That I didn't live enough. I have a tendency to take life seriously and it can have drawbacks. What about you?"

Sara looked out at the horizon again, and Grissom could see the woman's mind working and winding her own question.

"That I never took enough chances. There are so many things that I could have or should have done in my life and know I'm at the age of its too late or stupid. Dying my hair some weird colour or cutting it all off. I just wish I had more of a childhood in order to do that rather then moving right into adulthood."

Grissom shook his head, following Sra's gaze.

"But you survived. And you made a good descent life for yourself."

Sara turned her head and came face to face with Grissom, a look of disbelief on her face.

"I have? I have no social life, no love life to speak of and now this…"

Sara indicated her chest and then settled back to looking at the view. Grissom left her to her thoughts and looked down to see that the carriage below them contained Laura and Geoff and they weren't enjoying the view. More like enjoying each other.

"It must be pretty amazing that after so many years together that they can still be that mad about each other."

Sara looked at Grissom who pointed to the Laura and Geoff below them. Sara smiled slightly.

"They've always been like that…Sick isn't it?"

Grissom shrugged. He never thought that that kind of love existed. He knew that passion and lust helped carry it but beyond that, he could never figure out where all that love came from.

"I knew that those two were meant to be together from the moment I saw them together."

Grissom turned his head to Sara who was looking straight ahead of her, remembering.

"Geoff and I had been going out for about six months and I knew that it was over. It felt odd being with him romantically and I felt like he was a brother not a boyfriend. So we broke it off and then one week later, Laura and Geoff were together and you could almost see the merging of their souls. They were so happy and relaxed around one another. Utterly romantic and completely sick"

Grissom watched as Sara's hair danced around her head, encouraged by the sudden breeze.

"Didn't it ever bother you that they were together?"

Sara shook her head.

"We just became a threesome rather then a twosome. I went to their houses for holidays and we did everything together. They are like a brother and sister to me. Not once did I ever feel like a third wheel either. The three of us have always been together. Like we were meant to be"

Grissom felt his heart sink a little when the ride came to an end, but forced a smile when he saw Laura and Geoff waiting for them.

"Come on Grissom, its high time we won something for the ladies."


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N - I want to take a moment to say thank you to all those people out there that are reading this story and sending me lots of feedback. I greatly appreciate it and it continues to be my drive to write. I also greatly appreciate the support that I am getting from those that say that I have captured the characters reactions to the news of Sara's cancer correctly. Thank you all I hope that you continue to read until the story's conclusion becasue without you, it would be nothing!_

Chapter Seven – Girl Interrupted

Catherine had done it again. Third time this week. Not that she was complaining, falling asleep against Warrick was a habit that she could happily get into. They had been working to finish a case and they finally succeeded and to celebrate they decided to have a rest on the sofa. Catherine had curled up on one end but somehow during the progress of the night she had shifted and had moved herself almost on Warrick's lap. Warrick was awake and smiling by the time she had come to realise the situation.

"Catherine if you want to get close to me then you just have to say, I would be more then happy to help you out."

Catherine swotted his arm and continued to rest her head on his thigh. She was too tired to care that they were testing uncharted waters, and too tired to care that she was meant to care. Ever since the day in the sewer pipes and the almost kiss, there had been something unspoken between them, and Catherine wanted to know what was going on. She needed someone to help her through this Sara thing and if it wasn't going to be Warrick then she wasn't going to bother.

"Hey Warrick"

Catherine felt him shift slightly, feeling his breath on her head.

"Yeah?"

"What happened that day in the sewer?"

Silence greeted her question and not for the first time, Catherine hated her need to be honest and bold. Catherine sat up and locked eyes with a nervous looking Warrick.

"Well?"

Warrick studied her for a second and it made Catherine feel nervous. She hated feeling nervous; it was not a common emotion for her.

"I don't know what happened. One minute you were Catherine and the next you were….Somebody else."

Catherine narrowed her eyes dangerously.

"What do you mean?"

Warrick shifted under Catherine's gaze, aware that whatever words he said next would have to be carefully chosen.

"I have always seen you as just Catherine. Not an object of lust or desire but somebody to be respected and admired. Same as with Sara. Then when you fell and we locked eyes…..It became something else entirely. I have no idea why it changed suddenly but it did. It's an almost physical shift; do you know what I mean?"

Catherine nodded; she knew exactly what he meant.

"So what now?"

Warrick shrugged.

"How do you want to deal with this?"

Catherine inclined her head slightly. Warrick leaned forward and kissed her. It was soft and warm, gentle and beyond anything that Catherine had experienced before. She kissed him back, moving so that her body was pressed to his. They jumped apart as Nick came into the room. He looked at them, a frown on his face as he handed the phone to Catherine.

"It's Sara."

Catherine put the phone to her ear, grinning when she heard commotion in the background.

"Hey guys what you doing?"

Sara's voice came through the somewhat dodgy reception.

"Hey Cath. We are at the carnival at the moment. Nick called and I thought I had better check that things were going well. Grissom is busy trying to win a stuffed beetle at one of the games so you are stuck with me for a little while. So how are things going?"

Catherine looked at Warrick who winked.

"Yeah things are good. How are you feeling?"

She heard the phone shift and the noise on the line faded slightly.

"Sorry had to move to a quite little corner. What did you say?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. Laura's idea for a weekend away was pure genius. I am so relaxed right now, and having so much fun. Grissom is a great guy to hang out with when he's not so uptight."

Catherine laughed.

"Yeah I know. There's a fun guy hidden beneath all that seriousness."

"Here he is now. Love to Warrick and Greg."

Catherine heard the phone move again.

"Hello?"

"Hey Gris, its Catherine. Did you get the beetle?"

"Yep got it. How are things going?"

"Quitely. Not a lot going on really. But you don't need to worry about that. Sounds like you are having fun. How is Sara doing?'

"She's doing well. Having fun and looking more relaxed then I have seen her in years. We had better go, I really want to go on the rollercoaster they have here and I still have to talk Sara into it. We'll call you before we get back. Tell Greg to behave. Bye Cath."

Catherine handed Nick back his cell phone, turning to Warrick.

"Sounds like all is well on that front. Sara sends her love by the way."

Warrick nodded and looked above Catherine's head at something behind her, she turned to find Nick still standing where he had last been a look of confusion on his face.

"What did I interrupt?"

Catherine looked back to Warrick, and then back to Nick.

"Nothing we just had a revelation is all. Where's Greg? I need to give him a message from Grissom."

* * *

They were back in the motel room by 11:00pm, and having spent hours on rides and games, they were all more then ready for sleep. Grissom was just about to drift off when he heard a muffled scream coming from the girl's room, and without a thought about his nightwear, which was nothing but silk boxers with beetles on them, he dashed into the room, opening the door with more force then he intended. Laura lay sleeping, blissfully unaware of the noises that had awakened Grissom. Sara lay on her side of the bed, the sheets and blankets twisted around her slim bare legs, her arms moving slightly, her head twisting from side to side. Grissom dropped to his knees beside the bed, and gave her a slight shake, jolting her out of sleep. Sara's hands went up to defend herself, not quite aware that this was no longer a dream. She stopped when Grissom grabbed her wrists, confusion on her face, the sweat pasting her hair to her head and cheeks.

"Grissom? What happened?"

Grissom sat beside her on the bed.

"You were having a nightmare. I heard a scream and came to see what was going on. Laura is still sleeping."

Sara gave Laura a brief look a small smile on her lips. It was wiped away when she looked at Grissom again, her eyes passing over his bare chest and legs. Grissom was taking in Sara's some what child like appearance in some PJ's, red ones with 'Dream Academy' written across the chest. With her hair mussed from sleep she looked incredibly young and vulnerable.

"You want a hot chocolate Sara?"

Sara nodded and moved out of the bed and took the robe off the back of the bathroom door, tying it loosely around her waist. Grissom looked down at himself and smiled bashfully.

"I'll go and get a robe as well."

Sara just nodded and moved into the little kitchenette boiling the kettle, knowing that it would not bother their two sleeping travel buddies, who slept like the dead. She had just finished pouring the hot chocolate when Grissom came back also wearing a blue robe, his bare chest still visible underneath the rough cloth. She handed him a mug of hot chocolate and moved to the door, slipping outside, the cool air making her feel a little more awake. She waited as Grissom closed the door behind him and settled beside Sara on the bench.

"It is so quite out here isn't it? I mean considering how close we still are to Las Vegas."

Sara just nodded, her hands wrapped around the hot drink that was still untouched. Her eyes were distant, indicating that she was lost in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Grissom looked at Sara expectantly waiting for her normal sarcastic response, worried when all he got was silence.

"What did you dream? You looked and sounded terrified."

Sara took a long sip of her drink, the hot fluid burning the skin from her mouth and throat.

"I dreamt about mom and dad again. Been doing that a lot since I told you about my parents."

Grissom said nothing, taking in the sadness in her voice, the terror in her eyes.

"The dream you just witnessed was one of the bad ones. It was from a memory I had from just before he died. He took me out to the park and I played on the swing, and for once I had a normal life. No yelling or hitting. I was so happy for the one hour. So unbelievably happy."

Grissom watched her face change, and for a second she looked happy as she remembered that day.

"Then we got home and he started hitting Mom because he said she was cheating on him with the gardener. I don't know what came over me but I grabbed his leg and told him to stop hitting Mom. He kicked me off quite easily and then started hitting me, calling me every name under the sun. He didn't stop until I stopped moving, and I laid there for over an hour, to scared to move, to scared to see if he had left. I have never felt such terror since then, and I don't think I ever will. That's what you caught me doing, trying to fight him off. Trying to survive."

Grissom watched as tears fell from her eyes, unchecked. She continued to stare out into space, leaving Grissom to wonder what to do next.

"I never blamed her for killing my father you know. She tried to leave so many times, and each time he somehow worked his way back into our lives. She just wasn't strong enough to leave him for good."

Grissom stayed silent, letting Sara speak. He had learnt over the years that she often just needed to speak, not always needing an answer or response. They sat in silence again, quietly drinking their hot chocolates, the moon high and bright above them.

"So the scars you have….?"

Sara nodded.

"From that one beating he gave me. I was never a very quick healer."

Grissom nodded and stood, deciding that they had better get some sleep.

"Are you going to be ok getting back to sleep?"

Grissom watched as Sara wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe, her eyes swollen and a little red from crying.

"I don't know. If all else fails I'll just come and sit out here again. It's really pretty and quite out here. I haven't seen this many stars in awhile, too many lights in the city to see them clearly."

Grissom nodded and made to move back inside, Sara's hand on his elbow stopping him.

"Thank you Grissom. For listening I mean."

"Anytime Sara. Anytime."

* * *

A few hours later, Grissom woke to noises coming from the girl's room again, this time when he rolled over though, Geoff's bed was empty. Grissom pulled on his clothes from yesterday, running hand quickly through his hair before moving into the next room. Geoff, Sara and Laura were all dressed and having breakfast at the little table that they had eaten at the day before.

"Morning Grissom, how did you sleep?'

Grissom took his seat beside Sara, her bare knee brushing his clothed one, sending little sparks up his leg.

"Fine thanks. What we up to today?"

Laura shrugged as she handed him some toast and the margarine.

"Movies then goodness knows what. I didn't think that far ahead."

A frown creased Laura's face for a moment, as if she was trying to figure out why she hadn't planned that far ahead. Grissom interrupted her thoughts.

"What movie?"

Laura nodded her head at Sara.

"Something called The Others. Sara chose it."

Grissom nodded and started eating his toast, which was cold and somewhat chewy; he sipped at the lukewarm coffee at his elbow, trying to nudge the toast down a little easier.

"Tonight is going to great. We are going out to dinner and then clubbing. There is this great little club that Sara and I used to go to called Switch."

Grissom raised his eyebrows at Sara.

"You went clubbing? I thought you were a geek?"

Sara shrugged a small smile on her face.

"I told you I went little nuts with Laura around. I was a geek then I met Laura and she showed me that there was a life outside of my books."

Laura wriggle her eyebrows at Grissom.

"And she was popular at the club. Our little Sara can move. This is one white girl who knows how to dance!"

Grissom continued to eat his toast, his curiosity to see Sara dancing overcoming any protests over going clubbing. He was certain that the age gap in the small group would be more obvious under the bright sparkling lights of a club.

"So Grissom, you go and get dressed and we'll meet you outside in about half and hour ok?"

Grissom nodded and moved back into the room, changing from the pants to some beaten old jeans that he had had for years and a simple white shirt. He found the others outside, and as he locked the door behind him, he watched Sara. She was mucking around with Geoff, trying to get the cap he was wearing off his head, when jumping at it failed, she leapt onto his back and snatched it neatly from his head, putting it on her own, grinning when he dropped her and started chasing her around the car. Grissom had to smile when Laura decided to join in on the fun, and with her husband, cornered Sara by the car, Laura tickling her while Geoff grabbed back his cap. Sara was screaming, squirming under Laura's fingers which were obviously getting her ticklish spots. Only when Sara cried out "mercy" did the assault stop. Grissom watched for a moment longer, wondering why he hadn't seen this side of Sara before, the young youthful girl who mucked around with her friends.

"You coming Grissom?"

Geoff had now gotten Laura onto his back, Sara still trying to get the cap off of his head. Grissom went down the stairs two at a time, meeting the laughing trio near the vehicle. Sara paused for a second to take in Grissom in jeans, something that was unusual. She hardly ever saw him outside of the nice pants that he wore to work, and the white shirt topped off the whole outfit nicely.

"Grissom, can I borrow your back for a second?"

Sara raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer. Grissom just nodded curious as to why she wanted his back. She leapt up lightly onto his back, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms around his neck, and her mouth right by his ear.

"To Geoff, valiant steed."

Grissom moved closer to Laura and Geoff, moving away quickly as Sara snatched his cap off the younger man's head and putting it on her own again.

"What is it with you and my cap Shortie?"

Sara slipped off Grissom's back, almost making him weak with the feel of her body sliding down his. She proudly stood with her hands on her hips, a big grin on her face, hair pulled back thanks to Geoff's cap.

"You don't remember?"

Geoff shook his head; Laura still perched on his back watching the whole exchange.

"It was the same cap you wore when you hit on me. What was that bad pick up line you used….?"

Geoff shook his head, his hand moving up to cover his eyes.

"I thought it was a good one. My mate told me that it worked for him."

Sara's grin widened, her endearing gap flashing in the sun.

"Asking me if falling from Heaven hurt? How the hell did that work for him? Was the girl simple?"

Grissom shook his head taking pity on the man. How was he too known what he was getting himself into? He wasn't to know that Sara wasn't just a pretty face.

"You are just high maintenance Shortie. Not every woman has your brain. You can keep the cap, my lovely wife can get me a new one, can't you sweetie?"

Laura nodded, swotting Geoff on the butt as she moved towards the car.

"We had better get going if we are going to make it to the movie on time."

Sara got into the front seat next to Laura, the boys settled in the back again, the silence that fell a comfortable one. The small theatre sat on the edge of town nestled between a hardware store and an ice cream parlour. The room where the movie was being played was empty apart form Grissom, Geoff, Laura and Sara, and yet for some reason or another, maybe because they were doing everything else together, they sat together in the small red seats. Laura, Geoff, Grissom and Sara on the end, her large popcorn balanced between her seat and Grissom's. It was well into the first part of the movie when Sara offered Grissom some popcorn, and after he took a handful, a sip of her soda. Grissom glanced over at her, but she continued to watch the screen as Nicole Kidman moved from room to room shutting curtains. It was few minutes later that Sara pushed his elbow off the shared armrest before placing her own fully on it, still looking completely at the screen. Grissom pushed back, placing his arm on the now bare space. They continued like this throughout the movie, and when the lights came back on, Sara dissolved into giggles.

"I'm sorry. The movie was a little boring"

Grissom pushed the cap down over her eyes.

"So you push me off the arm rest? Most people would have gone for a nap, made fun of the movie or even have left. But you? You play boss lady with the arm rest."

Sara pushed the cap back into the proper position, flashing Grissom one of her trade mark grins before turning to Laura.

"Let's go and get ice cream."

Everybody agreed and they soon found themselves sitting in a small comfortable booth in the ice cream parlour, each having ordered something different. Sara had ordered an ice cream tower, Grissom a simple cone, Geoff an ice cream sundae and Laura a root beer float.

"So after this we do what?"

Laura shrugged at Sara's question as their orders came into view. Sara realised how much trouble she had gotten herself into when she saw the size of the ice cream tower. It had five scoops of ice cream, all different flavours, two bananas, split to make four, cream, nuts, sprinkles and cherries. Geoff started humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme under his breath, just loud enough for Sara to hear. She glared at him before picking up her spoon and starting on the nearest blob of ice cream. Sara started feeling a little overwhelmed by the time everyone else had finished their ice cream and she had hardly made dent in hers. She was about to admit defeat when Grissom came to her rescue once again, picking up his spoon and casually, as if sharing an ice cream with her was a everyday event, started digging into a blob of chocolate ice cream. Between them they managed to demolish it all bar two cherries which Sara could not bring herself to eat. Sara felt sick by the time they came back to the motel, so she happily waved off Laura and Geoff who decided to go for a walk, glad to have an excuse to just blob for a little while. She was laying on the bed, one hand on her stomach, the other over her eyes as she listened to the birds outside as they began their evening serenade. She was almost asleep when she heard the footsteps and almost spoke until she realised that they were Grissom's. She remained still as the bed shifted as he sat beside her.

"Sara?"

He said her name softly and she decided to say nothing. She liked having him there with her but didn't know what to say that would make sense to him as well as to her. Their relationship was so odd, that she had trouble justifying it to herself. She felt his hand touch hers, his fingers tracing the lines on her palm.

"I'm so worried about you. I want you to get better."

His hand moved to her wrist and rested there, his fingers on her pulse point.

"You need to get through this Sara, because you have no idea just how dark my world would be without you. I don't like thinking about it because it scares me, you scare me. You're too beautiful, too intelligent to be real sometimes and I wonder if it was a mistake that you came into my life. How else do you explain this? I took you for granted and now you and I are both paying for it"

The bed shifted again as he stood and Sara almost sobbed at the loss of his warm touch. He stroked the top of her head, making her shiver when his lips replaced his hand.

"I'm so sorry Sara. You will never know how sorry I am that this happened to you and that I can never say what I really want to."

With that whispered confession, he left the room. Sara sat up and watched the closed door, wanting to call him back, wanting to tell him that his feelings were a mirror image of her own. But she couldn't and she didn't.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight – The Rules Of Attraction

Catherine thought nothing of inviting Warrick to dinner that night. Lindsey was back at boarding school and the house was so very quite without her. She craved adult company that was outside of work. And Warrick was just what she needed. Just what she wanted. He arrived with the normal Warrick flair, a bottle of red wine in his right hand and a bottle of white in his left. He looked good in his casual jeans and a dark blue turtle neck that hugged his tall frame. Catherine had gone for understated as well, black slacks and a cream angora turtle neck, her hair loose around her shoulders.

"I didn't know what we were having so I thought I had better get both."

Catherine had taken both bottles, putting the white in the fridge to chill and cracked open the red, pouring herself and Warrick a glass. Warrick had hovered near the entrance of the kitchen watching as Catherine went about making chicken cannelloni, stuffing the long pasta tubes with the ricotta and chicken mix, her movements fluid and easy, turning from bench to oven again and again.

"Do you want me to do anything?"

Catherine indicated the abandoned French bread sticks to her left.

"You could make the garlic bread if you want too. The garlic butter is in the fridge."

Warrick nodded, and moved to grab the butter from the fridge, Catherine turning at the same time, their bodies colliding. It was exactly the same way he had felt at the sewer, with her face and body so close to his, their breaths mingled in a delicious mix of anticipation and want, he felt lost. And he wanted to be lost when he was around her, wanted to find himself in her. He hadn't felt this way before, never felt the need to be with someone so strongly before. Wanting to kiss them so badly. He watched as Catherine's eyes flashed, her tongue coming out to lick her lips, and that was when he knew he was lost. A goner. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers, softly allowing Catherine a chance to escape if it was too quick for her. He was surprised when she pulled him forward and pressed her lips against his harder, bruising them in her urgency. Warrick ran a hand through her soft hair, down her back letting them rest on her slim waist as they continued to kiss. It was Warrick who stopped the kiss, not wanting to spoil things by rushing. Catherine looked flushed and breathless as Warrick moved away from her wondering hands.

"We have all the time in the world Cath. Let's be able to enjoy it. That and I'm simply dying to try your cooking."

Catherine smiled and nudged him with her hip, moving back to the bench top to continue stuffing the pasta, her movements a little jilted. Warrick quietly made the garlic bread beside her, hoping that she understood why he had to stop before they went too far. He wanted to be able every second with Catherine, get to know her on a more personal level.

"I know why you made me stop."

Catherine kept her head down, eyes focused on the task in front of her, despite her comment directed at Warrick. He waited for the follow up.

"And I understand completely. I don't want to rush either but it's hard. You are just too damn sexy to not kiss."

Warrick leant over and laid a soft kiss on her cheek.

"You don't exactly make it easy either. So how long do we have to wait for the food?"

Catherine placed the pasta in the oven, the garlic bread beneath it.

"About 40 minutes. We could watch a movie or something while we wait."

Warrick shook his head moving to the stereo player, selecting a CD and placing it into the stereo. Soft jazz began to play, the sound smooth and easy. Warrick moved back over to Catherine, his hand out stretched.

"We could dance."

Catherine smiled and allowed herself to be pulled into Warrick's arms, her hand settling on hie shoulders, her head on his chest, letting the beat of his heart fill her ears.

* * *

The restaurant was simple and elegant, just what Sara expected. Laura wasn't one for flash restaurants, financially and personally. Sara had pulled Grissom aside earlier and asked him if he minded going halves with her to pay for dinner tonight, it was the least they could do considering what Laura and Geoff had done in organizing this whole get away. Grissom had agreed and then quietly left her to getting ready, something she was half way through when she had the idea. She had had a long discussion with Laura about what had happened that afternoon when they had gone for a walk. Laura had listened and asked what the big deal was.

"You guys need to hurry up and sort yourselves out. You must be bored of this game already"

Sara disagreed but there was no point fighting with Laura. In a way she was right but it would take more then the rest of the evening to explain to Laura what their relationship truly was and why it was so special. Geoff and Grissom both looked very handsome in their black suits, making Sara more and more aware of her attraction for Grissom. Nothing like a black suit to make a man even more irresistible. Laura and herself looked good too, if she did say so herself. Laura was wearing a simple black dress, the cut low at both front and back. Fortunately with her bust she had something to hold it up. Sara was wearing a red dress, something that was combination of sexy and understated, the semi high neck gave an illusion of innocence but the long slit up the side of her dress ended mid thigh soon destroyed that notion. Laura had helped her hunt down the dress which had been sitting at the back of her wardrobe for some time now. And Grissom's face when he saw the dress was worth every awkward moment she had when she sat down. They ate food in comfortable silence, Laura and Geoff holding hands, the candle light making Sara more and more aware of the romantic situation she had gotten herself into.

She was more then happy when the group moved back to the motel, where directed by Laura, they got ready for a night at 'Switch', something Sara had been looking forward to all day. Sara pulled off the dress and pulled on her white pants, the ones with all the zips and pockets that she loved, and topped it with another red item of clothing, a scoop neck top before placing a small silver butterfly necklace around her neck, pulling some comfortable old boots that she had brought strictly for dancing. She pulled her hair out of the twist she had it up in, enjoying the idea of it being loose and free when she danced. They met up again at the car, Grissom was dressed back into jeans and a white T-shirt, he looked both young and handsome, something that agreed with Sara immensely. Laura was in a sparkly top that caught the light with every movement, and some skin tight jeans, while Geoff followed Grissom's example, sticking to some jeans and a simple t-shirt.

Switch was exactly as Sara remembered it, the building still painted the same colour and aside from the bouncers on the door, nothing had really changed. The tables still dominated just one side of the room, the bar still ran along the back of the club, lighting on the back shelves making the alcohol more easily to see. The dance floor was still the largest one she had ever seen, disco balls and lights flashing and flickering as the music started pounding, the bass making its way into her chest and travelling all over her body.

"Hey Sara, look there's Frank!"

Laura grabbed Sara's arm and pointed out a balding man sitting at the bar drinking what looked like water. Frank used to DJ when Sara and Laura were coming her almost every weekend. He spotted her and came over, a wide smile on his face.

"Who are these two beauties before me? Have my long lost girls finally made it home?"

"Hey Frank. What you been up too?"

Frank wrapped am arm around each of the girl's shoulders, pulling them close to him.

"Not much. Still working here six days a week. Let me tell you, music has changed an awful lot since you guys used to dance here."

Frank glanced over the guys standing behind the girls, noticing them for the first time, his eyebrows raised.

"And you are?"

Laura pulled Geoff towards her, his hand clasped in hers.

"Frank this is my husband Geoff. You remember Geoff don't you Frank, he came here a few times with Sara and me."

Frank studied Geoff with narrowed eyes before recognition came over his face. He pulled the younger man into his arms giving him a friendly hug.

"Good on ya mate. You got yourself a great woman here."

Geoff did nothing but nod in agreement, before Frank turned his eyes to Grissom.

"This is a friend of mine, Grissom. Grissom, Frank."

Frank shook Grissom's hand firmly and then pointed to the DJ table behind him.

"I had better get going me shift starts in a few minutes. Now Sara I want to see you out there, showing those young ones how to dance! And you go tell Lisa over there on the bar that you'll have a round on me. Come and see me before you go ok?"

Sara and Laura both nodded, waving their old friend off. Sara caught Grissom's eye, his eyebrows raised, she knew he was wondering how she could know someone like Frank. For one he looked like a tough ass biker with his tattoos all up and down his arms and his bald head and long beard. For another he was not really the type of person she would normally know. She wasn't going to tell him that Frank saved her and Laura from a tough situation many years ago and that ever since he had been somewhat of a good friend who she had stayed in contact with over the years. He wasn't going to know that Frank had a family of six waiting for him at home, or that Frank knew more about her then Grissom did.

"Come on Lu, let's get some drinks. Boys, what do you want?"

Geoff looked at Grissom.

"Beer?"

Grissom nodded. He wasn't going to risk getting anything stronger, it was all properly watered down. The girl's got swallowed up by the slowly increasing crowd as they moved towards the bar, leaving the boys to sit and watch the people milling around, the music now to loud for a decent conversation. Grissom could not for the life of him picture Sara in this kind of environment, the loud music and bright lights nothing like the Sara he knew. But then he saw how she could get lost in the crowd, just be part of the masses. He saw both Laura and Sara approach, two beers and two somewhat elaborate drinks in their hands. Sara took a quick sip of her drink before bending over Geoff, who was sitting, and whispered something in his ear before dragging him off to the dance floor. Grissom watched as Sara moved with the grace of a dancer, the moves she had done this afternoon nothing to the ones she was pulling off now, her body becoming part of the music, her hips swaying and moving in time to the pulsing beat. Grissom also noticed that he was not the only male looking at Sara; even a few women were looking her way as the bass got harder and harder, the song reaching its peak, Sara's movements becoming faster and faster as the song came to a end, the next one merging onto the other. Grissom's eyes were torn from Sara, as Laura's voice broke through the now softer bass of the music.

"She's awesome to watch. It takes a few drinks to get me out there with her; Geoff on the other hand is more then willing to make a fool of himself with her."

Grissom turned his attention back to the couple and saw that Laura was right, his attention was so focused on Sara that he didn't notice the moves Geoff was making, large ones with erratic arm and leg movements.

"So often did you and Sara come here when you were in college?"

Laura shrugged, playing with the straw in her drink.

"A couple of times a week, maybe more. It depended on what was happening during the week. Sara would often just come here to dance; she wasn't too big on the drinking scene back then."

Grissom indicated the big man behind the turn tables.

"And that's how you know Frank?"

Laura shook her head.

"We knew him by face only. We'd come in and give him a wave and that's it. But one night we came here by ourselves, something we didn't do very often, and these two big guys started harassing us, trying to get us to dance with them. Sara did what she normally does, gave them an insulting rather biting remark and we continued with our night. A few hours later we headed off as the club was closing and the guys followed us down the street, pushing us into the alleyway just up the road. These guys were huge, each had a good twenty pounds on us, so there was nothing we could do except yell and scream and hope that someone heard us. Frank had seen the guys follow us out and decided to call the police and then follow them. He found us pinned beneath these two guys and he went psycho on them, smacking them around the alleyway, keeping them busy till the cops came."

Grissom paid another glance to the man in the DJ booth, offering a silent apology for judging him.

"He's a real sweetie. He took us back to the police station, waited till they were done with us, drove us back to our dorm and told us if we needed anything to call him. His wife and kids are great as well. Sara's stayed in contact with him for years, ever since that night, they've been quite close."

Grissom said nothing, just went back to watching Sara dancing, wondering how he had let all this slip his attention.

"Ok folks, as with every night that I work, it's now ladies choice. This song is dedicated to some good friends of mine, one of which got married. Congrats Laura, and it's good to see you two here again."

Sara and Geoff moved back to their table, Laura taking Geoff's hand and taking him back to the dance floor. Sara looked at Grissom, and he could see her weighing up her options.

"Do you want to dance Grissom?"

Grissom looked into Sara's eyes, wanting to know if her offer was genuine, and upon discovering it was he nodded. Sara took his hand, and pulled him onto the dance floor next to Geoff and Laura, who were snuggled together as the beginnings of the song came through the speakers.

_If I caught the world in a bottle_

_And everything was still beneath the moon_

_Without your love would it shine for me?_

_If I was smart as Aristotle_

_And understood the rings around the moon_

_What would it matter if you loved me?_

Sara and Grissom settled into a somewhat awkward embrace, his hand loosely on her waist and her hand clasped in his own. Her own spare hand had fallen onto his shoulder, and there was a good metre between them.

_Here in your arms where the world is impossible still_

_With a million dreams to fufill_

_And a matter of moments until the dancing ends_

_Here in your arms where everything seems to be clear_

_Not a solitary thing would I fear_

_Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end_

One of the tightly wound couples bumped into Sara's back, pushing her hard into Grissom, her face into his neck.

"Sorry"

Grissom said nothing, just pulled Sara a little closer, happy when she made no move to disentangle herself, her breath warm against his neck, her body moving slowly beneath his hand.

_If I caught the world in an hourglass_

_And saddled up the moon so we could ride_

_Until the stars grew dim, until…._

_One day you'll meet stranger_

_And all the noise is silenced in the room_

_You'll feel like you're close to some mystery_

_In the moonlight and everything shatters_

_You'll feel as if you've known her all your life_

_The world's oldest lesson in history_

Grissom had his eyes closed, focusing on the way Sara's body felt against his, her smell and the intimacy they were sharing. One he knew would only last for a few more moments, and would end when the song ended, where they would return to their normal standoffishness, each pretending that this never happened before dancing together again for flirting then pushing back. It was an evil circle.

_Here in your arms where the world seems impossible still_

_With a million dreams to fulfil_

_And a matter of moments until the dancing ends_

_Here in your arms where everything seems to be clear_

_Not a solitary things do I fear_

_Except when the moment comes near the dancing's end_

_Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass_

_And saddled up the moon so we could ride,_

_Until the stars grew dim_

_Until the time that time stands still, until……_

And just like the song ended, and Sara slipped from Grissom's embrace, wordlessly leaving the dance floor and heading to the ladies bathroom. Laura looked up and glanced at Grissom, confusion on her face, before she followed Sara. Geoff moved back to the table that they had been previously sitting, glancing at Grissom.

"What's up with Sara?"

Grissom shrugged.

"No idea. We were dancing and then the song ended and she left. Not much to tell really."

Grissom could feel Geoff's eyes on him as he took a sip of his drink, knowing that what had happened made Sara upset.

"I can't do this to him Lu. I'm sick, I could die and he really does not need that"

"What about you? You need your friends around you and when he's there for you, you pull back. You need to tell him what you need from him so that he can give it to you. Don't pull away from him."

Sara sunk against the hard wall of the bathroom, trying her best to not cry. This entire weekend had been without any kind of pressure, she was being herself again. Hanging out with Laura and Geoff always did that too her. It made her so happy to be with them again. She thought that Grissom would put a damper on the weekend but it had been the complete opposite. She loved seeing the much more relaxed side of him that she never saw at work. Then the whole confession happened and suddenly she could not look at him anymore. She wanted to tell him the truth that she felt the same but she didn't have the courage, could not find the courage to do so. The fight that she had ahead of her with the chemotherapy exhausted her before it had even really started. She wanted him but she didn't want the distraction, as awful as it sounded. For the next six months, she needed to focus on herself and nothing more. The thoughts that whirled in her head were making her feel dizzy and she suddenly felt exhausted.

"I need to go home Laura, I don't feel the best."

Laura crouched down beside her, her hand on Sara's shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

Sara shook her head but couldn't say anything as she proceeded to vomit all over the clean, white floor. Laura held her hair back, using her free hand to make small circles on her back. She waited until Sara had finished before pulling out her cell phone and dialled Geoff's number.

"Geoff, its Lu. Can you guys come to the women's bathroom, Sara's sick"

When they arrived, Sara was bending over the toilet bowl trying to catch her breath. Geoff gently scooped her up and headed out the door, Grissom trailing behind with Laura.

"What happened to her?"

"I have no idea. She said that she felt dizzy and then she started to throw up. We need to get her home. Go with Geoff to the car, I'm just going to tell Frank what happened. I'll be a few minutes."

Grissom nodded and followed Geoff back out to the car. He climbed into the backseat and Geoff laid Sara gently on the seat so that her head was on Grissom's lap. Grissom used the back of his hand to try and wipe the sweat of her forehead. She had fallen into semi-sleep and she was mumbling to herself, her head moving on his lap. He continued to wipe the sweat as he waited for them to head back to the hotel. If she didn't get better anytime soon, they would be heading back to Vegas sooner then any of them thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine – Any Given Sunday

Alex had seen many things in her career but this was something she hoped that she would never have to see again. Hilary James had been killed by the very man that had raised her and loved her. Her own father had taken her life because he was in love with her and when she refused his affections, he lost it and locked her in the sauna. A young life taken just because her own step father could not posses her. As Alex watched the broken man sob over his situation, the same familiar feeling of hatred washed over her that she always had for men like this. Men that represented the lowest of the low, the very thing on this earth that did not belong there. This was why she did her job, to rid of people like this. Henry James would be looking at the death penalty for what he did and Alex could not feel sorry for him.

"It's horrible when a case ends this way"

Alex turned to see Catherine had come up behind her, a small smile on her face.

"What do you mean Catherine?"

"When it does not end the way you expected it to. No one expected him to be the killer. It was her father, someone that she trusted who did this. It always hurts more that way"

"I see. It's a shame that Grissom wasn't here to see the closing of the case."

"I emailed him as soon as I heard. Sara isn't doing very well so they may be home sooner then expected."

"What's wrong?"

"She's just gone down hill"

"Can I ask you a question Cath?"

"Sure."

"Are Sara and Grissom together?"

"No. Not as far as I know."

"He cares for her though, doesn't he?"

"Yeah he does. She means more to him then he realizes. One day he may see it but until then, he lives in denial."

Alex followed Catherine down the hall and into the break room. Catherine poured two mugs of coffee before finally sitting down beside her.

"So Alex, what brought you here to Vegas in the first place?"

"Why, what have you heard?"

Catherine was a little taken back by Alex's sudden defensiveness, followed closely by an intense curiosity.

"Alex, why do you think I know anything about you?"

Alex relaxed further into her seat and began the battle that she had been waging for the last twenty odd years. This was why she never told anyone the truth this was why she hid it from everyone, her parents included. When she had finally told them two years ago, they had freaked, just as she knew that they would. As far as they were concerned, they no longer had a daughter and that was the end of that. When her mother had died, she had gone to the funeral but her own father had ignored her as well as her brother and sister. Then her mother had died and instead of repeating the same mistake as she had done with her mother, she didn't hang around for the wake. In living her life, she lost her entire world and now, it was just Conner and her, no one else. As far as she was concerned, she didn't need anything else.

"I left LA for a reason Cath. To be more precise, I might as well have been chased out."

"Why?"

Alex took a deep breath, trying to contain the need to run. She had been running her whole life and she was tired of it. She was who she was and that was that.

"I'm a lesbian"

Catherine's reaction was far less then what Alex had expected it to be. She did nothing more then blink once and smile widely.

"You do know that both Nick and Greg have a crush on your right?"

"Yeah, I noticed that. I don't need everyone knowing about this Catherine. I like it here and I really don't need people judging me for something that they know nothing about"

"I'm not about to tell anyone. I just don't understand why you would want something like that to stay quiet"

"Like I said, I've had to leave places before because of the way I choose to live my life. I've lost everything because of my sexuality"

"What did your parents think when you told them?"

"They disowned me along with my brother and older sister. I never got the chance to change their minds before they died a couple of years ago."

"I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault. It was they who refused to believe that their so called perfect daughter was anything but."

"It was their generation. My mother freaked out when I divorced my ex husband. It was just the way that they were raised."

"I know."

"So are you involved with anyone?"

Alex could not help the smile that came to her face. She had been with Conner going on ten years now and she still got the same goofy grin on her face when they had first started going out. She had no idea why, but Conner made her so happy that it was almost un-human.

"Yeah I am. Her name is Conner and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me"

"How long have you two been together?"

"Almost ten years. She's an incredible person Cath"

Catherine drained the last of her coffee from her mug and began to rinse it on the sink.

"How about you and Conner come to dinner at my house tonight? Warrick is coming around and it would be good to get to know you outside of work"

"That would be great."

"You don't mind that Warrick will know your secret?"

"I get the feeling that it won't remain a secret for very long around her. Everyone knows about Sara and it's only been two days."

"Welcome to the Las Vegas grapevine."

* * *

When Sara woke up, she had no memory of getting sick at the club or having to be carried out to the car. All she knew what that her head was thumping painfully and that Grissom was holding her hand. Laura fussed over her, making sure she was warm and comfortable and ensuring that she drunk plenty of water. Sara spent a good ten minutes convincing them all that it was ok and that she wanted to stay for the rest of the weekend. She would be fine and all she wanted to do was forget the entire thing had ever happened, which was funny considering she could not even remember it in the first place.

"I think I know what made you sick"

Geoff held up the bottle of meds that Sara had been taking, the ones that were meant to boost her immune system so that she would recover from the surgery a little faster and be more then ready for the chemo.

"There's castor oil in this, that is what made you throw up. What the hell were the doctors thinking giving you this? My advice would be to stop taking the pills and to just rest."

Geoff left the room mumbling under his breath about the hopelessness of doctors, Laura following closely behind. Sara closed her eyes and sighed.

"God I'm tired."

"Try and get some sleep"

Sara rolled over to face Grissom who was sitting next to her.

"I'm sorry for ruining your weekend."

"You didn't ruin the weekend Sara, don't be silly"

"We go back tomorrow and I don't want to. I want to stay here forever and pretend that what's coming next is not coming at all."

Grissom put his hand over hers.

"I know Sara but we're here for you. Laura and Geoff will look after you and anything you need, the rest of us are more then willing to help where we can."

"I know but I hate the idea that I can do nothing to control this situation. I am so scared of what will happen to me. Do I write a will? Do I tell my mother?"

"Sara, you will get through this. There will be no writing of wills or anything like that, do you hear me? You need to get through this"

"Because your life would be dark without me right?"

The moment she said the words, she wanted them back. Grissom's face fell and he released her hand, placing it back on his own lap.

"You heard that?"

"Yes."

"You should have said something Sara! For Christ's sake, do you really think that I would want you to know that?"

"Grissom calm down. It's not a big deal"

Grissom stood and began to pace, rubbing his head with his hands.

"Yes it is! What I said….it was private"

"Yet you told me?"

"You were asleep! I didn't expect for you to hear that Sara."

"Well I did. And I am shocked that you never had the courage to tell me otherwise."

"I didn't want to tell you that Sara! I'm scared for you and I let something slip that should have never been said."

"What and I'm not scared? Like I want to die or lose both of my breast's? I may never be able to have kids, I may lose things that I never knew I wanted and you're worried about telling me how you feel? Don't be stupid, what you feel is nothing. Toy with the idea that you may lose your life before it's really begun and see how you feel!"

Sara had never screamed so much at Grissom before. Tears were streaming down her face and her heart bet hard in her chest. Grissom looked at her for a long moment before he stormed out of the room.

"GO ON LEAVE, JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO!"

Sara fell back onto the bed, sobs racking her body. She suddenly didn't care about the cancer or anything else, she just wished that she could take every word that had left he mouth back. She didn't want to lose Grissom, not with this looming before her. She needed him now more then any time before and instead of welcoming him into her life and into her heart, she had done nothing more then push him away.

* * *

Warrick was glad that tonight was over and he got to spend the rest of his time with Catherine. The Felton case was finally closed and he wanted nothing more then to leave it behind him. The fact that Kimberly had been killed by her best friend over an English teacher was horrifying. He hated the fact that there was no limit to someone's madness. He arrived at Catherine's the same way he had a few night before, a bottle of white wine in one hand and a bottle of red in the other. Except tonight would be different. For one they were dining with Alex and her partner Conner and two this was their first, more or less, public declaration of their togetherness. He had arrived before Alex and Conner on purpose, trying to get in as much time with Catherine before they arrived. They cuddled as they set about making dinner, sneaking kisses and touches. When the door bell rang, he was a little disappointed. Catherine gave him a wide smile as she pulled from his embrace and moved to the door, allowing their guests in.

"Hey guys, come one in."

"Hey Cath, Warrick. This is Conner."

Warrick shook Conner's hand and they made small talk as Catherine and Alex slipped into the kitchen to finish off dinner. Warrick, despite all his years of experience not only in law but in Vegas, had never met many lesbians. It was an interesting experience for him and he suddenly found all the stereotypes that he had had going out the window. Conner was nothing like he had expected her to be. Alex was stunning and decidedly feminine, as was Conner which meant that the female/butch thing was a lie.

"Dinner"

Warrick and Conner took a seat across from Catherine and Alex. They ate almost in silence, it was only broken when cutlery gently banged against the plates and glasses being placed back on the table. It was only when dinner was over that the conversation started again and Catherine slowly began to relax. When they left a few hours later, Catherine helped herself to another glass of wine and curled up on the sofa with Warrick, happy that the night had been such a success. It was only when Warrick stood to call a cab that Catherine realized that this evening was more then introducing Alex to a world where it did not matter what your sexuality was, it was a turning point for herself and Warrick.

"Stay"

Warrick out the phone down and leaned against the cabinet that it was on.

"What?"

Catherine moved so that she was kneeling over the back of the sofa.

"Stay"

Warrick moved closer to her, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

"Catherine, I don't want to rush this, you know that. Staying the night may not be the best idea"

"What, you don't want to stay?"

"Of course I do."

"Then stay. We are adults Warrick. I think we can both handle you staying the night."

"Are you sure?"

"Would I ask if I wasn't?"

Warrick moved closer still and kissed her slowly, building the tension, making Catherine's toes tingle. She pulled him closer and he climbed over the side of the sofa until he was on top of her, kissing her the entire time. It was only when they were completely breathless, their hands seeking bare skin when Warrick pulled away.

"Are you sure you want this Cath? Really sure?"

Catherine stroked the side of his face, tracing his lips and nose.

"Yes. Stay Warrick."

"Ok"

Soon their clothes were discarded on the floor, that night's dinner long forgotten.

* * *

The trip home was in complete silence. Sara refused to talk to anyone and had settled herself in the front seat, her iPod firmly in her ears. She was by no means relaxed. She sat straight backed in the seat, her chin held stiffly, her eyes glued to the passing scenery. Laura did what she could to lessen the tension that had built but failed as Grissom did as Sara was doing, soaking in his own misery. He felt embarrassed that Sara had heard what he had felt but he knew that there was no reason for what he had said in the room. There was no need for him to be so angry, except he had no idea as to why he was so mad. Was it because she now knew what he wanted to keep quiet? Or was it the fact that that little confession left him so completely exposed that the flight or fight survival instinct had come through? Either way, he felt ashamed at what he had done to her. He had made the last day a horrible won and had ruined the weekend entirely. He had stumbled all over himself and now he had no idea how to fix it. There was only so much he could give without hurting himself. He kept trying to catch Sara's eye, wanting nothing more then to talk to her, but she kept looking away, refusing to respond at his poor attempt to fix what he had done. So for now, there was nothing he could do. Laura stopped just outside of Vegas, ushering the men out of the car so that she could try to talk to Sara, Grissom presumed.

"Let's go for a short walk Gil"

Grissom followed Geoff away from the car, throwing glances behind him as he saw Laura lean forward and pull Sara into a hug.

"So if you don't mind me asking, what happened last night?"

Grissom shoved his hands in his pocket and kept his eyes in the ground.

"We had a fight"

"What about?"

Grissom felt almost like running back into the car. Sara being pissed at him was nothing hugely new but this male bonding that he was doing with Geoff scared him. His idea of bonding was teaching others, not talking about something as intimate as this.

"I said some things to her when I thought she was asleep and last night she told me she heard everything. I panicked and she blew up at me."

"You must have said something pretty bad to get her this pissed off."

"Bad enough. She does not need this added pressure. She starts her chemo next week."

"I know. Laura is stressing out about it and is worried about how Sara will take it."

"I hope that she's ok."

Geoff paused and turned to Grissom, a small smile on his face.

"I've seen Sara fight bigger demons then this one and she has come out stronger then when she had begun. Sara is stronger then most people give her credit for. She has had to be."

"I saw her scars for the first time"

"I hate to say it but I'm glad that her mother killed her father. Because if he was still hurting her when we first met, I would have killed him myself."

Grissom looked Geoff in the eyes and realized for the first time just how much Sara meant to Laura and Geoff. She was more then just a friend to them she was part of their family. Grissom would truly believe that they would do what they could to protect her.

"You love her don't you?"

Geoff's question came out of left field and almost knocked Grissom from his shoes.

"What?"

"You love her."

"No I don't"

"Yes you do. I can see it in the way you look at her, the way you watch her. It's the same way that I watch Lu. You love her."

"Geoff-"

"I won't give you any long-winded speeches about how you need to tell her and crap like that. I know it's not the easy to admit your vulnerability. What I will tell you is that you need to be there for her. She needs you for this, whether you like it or not."

"She doesn't want me there with her. She tried to push me away when she found out about the cancer"

"Gil, how long have you known Sara?"

"Almost eight years on and off."

"Then you know that she will happily cut off her nose to spite her face. She pushes people away when she needs them the most."

"It's an irritating flaw."

"But one that she's had to develop. That way no one would get to close and she would not become to expectant to people there. It took almost two years before she trusted Laura and me enough to know that we were not going to leave her alone. We had better get back to the car."

Grissom followed Geoff back, doing what he could to drag his feet. He never got the chance to get back into the car, because Sara was waiting outside the vehicle, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I didn't want to do this but Laura said that we would not be going anywhere until this was done."

Sara scuffed the ground with her sneaker, her eyes lowered. Grissom didn't know what to say, becoming more and more confused and desperate as the silence became deeper and deeper.

"What do you want me to say Gil?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry. Will that be enough to get us back into the car?"

"I don't think so. I get the feeling that Laura is expecting more then that"

"Like what?"

"A hug or something. She's almost impossible to tell with her."

"So if we hug we can back into the car?"

"Maybe."

Grissom made the first move, extending his arms and allowing Sara to step into them. Sara pressed her face against his chest and breathed deeply, inhaling his deeply comforting scent. Grissom did the same, enjoying the short moment of having her in his arms.

"I'm sorry Gil. I'm terrified of what's coming and I took it out on you."

"I'm sorry too Sara. I want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever you need. You know that right?"

She nodded against his chest, irritated at herself when the tears started again. The just to top it all off, big rolling sobs ripped through her but Grissom kept her in a tight hug, waiting for the tears to stop. She felt like her world was being turned upside down and the only thing keeping her from sinking completely was Grissom. That in itself was far more terrifying then the prospect of cancer. She could handle that, she could fight it. But Grissom was something that she could not fight.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N - I am posting this at 4am in the morning, sadly wide awake after nursing a flatmate through a panic attack. Oh the joys of being a nurse! Thanks and I hope that you keep reading and reveiwing like oyu all have been!_

Chapter Ten – The Blue Butterfly

When Sara went in for her first dose of chemo, she knew that she was being closely watched. Laura was sitting beside her, Geoff was just outside the door and Laura had to call Grissom as soon as it was done. Sara felt a little like she was in prison, minus the high barbed walls and wardens with guns. She watched the nurse set up the drip with practiced ease, inserting the end of it into the IV line on the back of Sara's hand. She had never felt the sensation quite like the one she was having right then as the drug slipped into her system. She felt it tingle up her arm over and over again, almost as if she had pins and needles. Amazingly, she managed to have a sleep while she was waiting for the drugs to settle in her system. Laura never left her side and helped her into the wheelchair and into her room after it was all over and Sara sat back and waited for the side effects that she knew would be coming. The first wave of vomiting hit an hour later and she spent the next three throwing up what little food she had had for breakfast that morning. The orange juice, toast and oatmeal made an interesting kaleidoscope of colors as it emerged from her throat and into the bright red bucket that the hospital had kindly provided. When the vomiting finally ceased, she felt exhausted. Every muscle ached and complained and her head hummed painfully. She tried to sleep but nothing happened and when the doctor finally did arrive, so time later, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep on her own bed.

"Hello Miss Sidle how are you feeling?"

"Exhausted. When can I go home?"

"Tomorrow. We need to see how you react to the chemo first"

"I've been vomiting for the last three hours, what more do you need to know?"

"Miss Sidle, this is a slow progress, you need to be patient. I'll be back to see you in the morning"

With that he left the room. Sara decided to make herself comfortable on the stiff, white sheets and wait for morning to come. After all, what else could she do?

* * *

The next few weeks passed with little or no trouble from the chemo. Then just as suddenly, the side effects of this supposed wonder drug hit her harder then anything that she had ever had before. She could hardly even get out of her bed in the morning. Laura had to help her shower and Sara was as weak as a kitten. She could do almost nothing for herself. It only truly sunk in when one morning while Laura was washing her hair, she watched in horror as a large clump was washed down the drain. Laura swore under her breath.

"It's ok Honey, it was only a little bit."

"Lu, it was half of my hair"

"No it's ok. We can cover it up"

Her hair started falling out by the clumps after that. Her eyebrows disappeared, as did her arm, leg and pubic hair. She felt like a bald little bird. When Grissom visited her for the first time, she could see the shock on his face as he took in her sunken face and vast hair loss. He had smiled and given her a bunch of flowers, enduring with patient smiles Laura drilling him about whether or not he had been sick recently; after all she could not be exposed to that. Her low immune system could be the difference between making it out of this alive or not. She had seen the same reactions on the rest of the teams faces when they to came to see her. They had each tried their best to cheer her up but nothing really worked. Warrick and Nick had brought every kind of food that she was allowed, trying to tempt her into eating something, anything that would boost her strength. Greg told her jokes trying to jog her smile or pull a laugh from her sore beaten body and Catherine had done what she did best of all; mothering. She and Laura made an awesome tag team, splitting the cleaning, cooking and general care that Sara needed neatly down the middle. Catherine offered to shower Sara but she refused. There were something's that a work mate should not be made to do and thanks to their long, rather drunken friendship, Laura had seen it all before as had Geoff. And if she was perfectly honest with herself, she trusted them a little more then she trusted the others. Maybe it was the length of time they had spent together or the amount of things that had gone through to get to this point, either way, she wanted Laura or Geoff to shower her, no one else needed to see her horribly demented body. Not the way it was now. One day, on a purely practical note, Sara had handed Laura Geoff's hair clippers and instructed her friend to shave the remainder of her hair off. Laura had protested but Sara stuck to her guns, pointing out that she was sick of waking up in a pillow created of her hair. So when Sara faced Grissom next, she ignored the shocked expression that came over him again as he was faced with her shiny, hairless head.

* * *

In the following weeks, her nails weakened and fell off, she lost her voice continuously and she was constantly thirsty. Her vision blurred and she started to lose her memory of what had happened the previous days. Laura and Geoff were constantly there, gently reminding her of what she had forgotten. She had forgotten how good the sun felt on her face when Geoff decided to take her for a nice long walk around the park near her home in her wheelchair. She almost cried when she saw the children running and playing, the complete innocence and freedom almost taking her over. Small things that she usually took for granted became things that she now treasured dearly. Like fresh sheets, clean clothes and the smell of fresh popcorn. Not that she could eat it but the smell was enough for her at the moment. The weeks merged into months and soon it was close to Christmas. Laura and Geoff decided not to make a huge deal of it and made a small, plain dinner, trying to get Sara to eat. She managed two mouthfuls of potatoes and a few mouthfuls of roast beef before she was too tried and too full to do anything more. Presents from the rest of the team were dropped off but never opened. Just before they proceeded with the opening of presents, Sara had a dizzy spell that was much more then any other that she had had.

"Laura?"

"Yeah Hon?"

"I think you need to call an ambulance"

Sara collapsed onto the floor, falling into a black abyss.

* * *

When she woke up, the room was dark and she was surrounded by machines that monitored her heart rate and breathing. There was no one else in the room with her and she examined the back of her hands, finding herself attached to two different IV's, God only knows what they were pumping into her now. She kept falling in and out of sleep, her head throbbing with some long forgotten pain. When she woke up, Grissom was sitting beside her, his head in his hands.

"Grissom?"

Grissom raised his head and stood, coming closer to her and taking her hand in his.

"Sara, you gave us a fright. How are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore. What happened?"

"A combination of dehydration and being undernourished. Apparently it's common in chemo patients."

"I didn't get to open your present"

Grissom smiled at her and lifted a large box off the floor.

"Lucky that I went to your house and picked it up isn't it?"

He helped her sit up, arranging the pillows behind her back. He placed the box on her lap and watched as she undid the ribbon before pulling off the paper. Inside was an large black photo album with gold lined pages.

"What's this?"

"Look inside and find out"

Sara did as she was told, carefully opening the pages. Inside were old battered pictures of her, Laura and Geoff, things that she had long since forgotten. Page after page held long forgotten memories but it was the final few pages that tugged at her heart strings. A large group shot of the entire team smiled up at her paired with scribbled get well messages from everyone, including a very formal one from Ecklie. On the final page a surge of happy memories washed over her as she looked at the picture. It was the picture that had been taken at the paint war farm.

"Grissom, this is wonderful. How did you track down all these pictures?"

"Laura had most of them and the school ones I found on the website."

"It must have taken a while"

"Not really. It was amazing what you can do if you need a distraction."

Sara placed the album carefully on the table beside her, sighing as she sunk further into the bed.

"I want to go home."

"You should be able to tomorrow. How are things going at home anyway?"

"Fine. Aside from the fact I can't shower myself, eat like a normal person or hold a book for long periods of time, I'm great."

"You'll get better Sara."

"But what if I don't? What if this cancer gets the better of me?"

"It won't Sara."

"But what if it does? Then what? Its cancer Grissom, it's not like I have a choice in the matter"

"Yes you do have a choice. You fight it"

"I can't fight something that I cannot see. I cannot fight if I don't have the energy to do so Grissom. I'm so tired all I want to do is quit."

"Well you don't have that luxury."

"It's my choice. I am honestly considering stopping the chemo. It's not working."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because I don't feel better. I'm as weak as a kitten and as bald as Ecklie. It's not doing any good."

"At least wait for the doctor to examine you Sara. You can't make a decision like that without knowing what the consequences will be."

"I don't need them to see me. I know what I want and that is to stop the chemo. It's not making me better, it's making me worse."

Before Grissom could argue any further, a doctor walked into the room, Sara's thick file under his arm.

"Miss Sidle, how are you feeling?"

"Fine. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing that an overnight stay won't fix."

"Doctor, I want to stop the chemo treatments"

Gone was the friendly face as a frown took over. The old doctor took a seat next to Sara, his face grave.

"With the chemo, you have an 85 of living through this. Without it, the cancer will rage and you're rates drop to just 15. Miss Sidle, if you want to live, you need to continue with the chemo."

"This is not living."

"Things will get better. You have another six months on the drug before you will be in remission and then you will never have to be faced with it again."

"Unless the cancer comes back."

"The likelihood of that happening is very low. I'm here to examine you and see just how much we have affected the cancer cells in your breasts."

Grissom was torn between slipping from the room and staying where he was, wanting to offer her all the support he could. Sara said nothing as she struggled to remove her shirt, Grissom leaning forward to help her out. Even though she was wearing an undershirt, he could see her ribs outlined clearly beneath the fabric. Her arms were like twigs and her skin looked like thin tissue paper. He looked away when she removed her undershirt, keeping his eyes firmly on the bed sheets.

"Ok Miss Sidle lets have a look"

Sara closed her eyes as the doctor touched her chest, gently examining her breasts and the skin surrounding them.

"I can't feel any new lumps but we'll get you in for a mammogram and an x-ray just to be sure."

The doctor warmed up his stethoscope before placing it on her bony chest and back, checking the rate of her heart and the clarity of her breathing.

"Everything sounds fine. I'll set up the last of the checks for this afternoon and then you'll be home free tomorrow, ok?"

Sara nodded as she struggled to put her clothes on. Only when she managed to get her undershirt on, Grissom looked up again and helped her with her shirt. The doctor said his good byes before leaving the pair alone.

"Six more months of torture and pain. Got something to look forward to then."

"I'm going to give Laura a call ok?"

"Where is she?"

"The doctors. I have no idea why though. She told me to call you as soon as we found out what was going on."

"Tell her she needs to be here first thing in the morning or else I'll discharge myself and cab home."

"You will do no such thing. She'll be here. Get some rest."

Grissom stood and paused for a moment before leaning forward and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. It was disturbing just how skinny she had gotten he could feel her cheek bones hard against his lips. He could not wait until things were back to the way they were before.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven – Falling Down

As promised, Laura was there first thing in the morning waiting for her. She helped Sara into the car before loading her bags into the boot. It was only when they were on the highway home that Sara questioned the visit to the doctor.

"Laura, why did you go to the doctor's yesterday afternoon?"

"Who told you?"

"Grissom."

"He wasn't meant to say anything. I didn't want to worry you"

"About what?"

"I don't think-"

"Tell me!"

Sara's voice echoed around the car and Laura gave her a hard look.

"Don't yell at me Sidle!"

Sara sunk further into her seat with a sigh.

"Sorry, I just want you to tell me what's wrong. Are you sick?"

"No Honey….I'm pregnant"

"What?"

"I'm three months pregnant."

Sara started to cry and she had no idea why. She should have been happy for Laura this is what her friend had always wanted. Maybe she was jealous, because there was a chance that she would never find herself in that situation.

"Congratulations Laura. You guys deserve this."

"Don't cry Sara. One day you'll have your own kids. Until then, I want you to be the kid's godmother, ok?"

"Ok. Have you told Geoff?"

"Not yet. I was going to wait until you were home before I said anything."

"He's going to be wrapped."

"I know, he's been wanting a baby for the last three years,"

"And now he gets his wish."

Geoff was waiting for them when they arrived home. It made it a little easier having him there because that way Laura did not have to bother with the wheelchair; Geoff just picked Sara up easily and took her inside. It was only when they were all sitting in the living room, hot drinks in their hands that Laura finally spoke up.

"I went to the doctor today Geoff."

Instantly Geoff gave his full to Laura, placing his mug carefully on the table.

"Why? What's wrong?"

Laura sighed and followed her husband's actions, placing her mug on the table.

"Well, it seems that I have been struck down with a virus"

"What is it?"

"I don't remember exactly what he called it but it can last for up to nine months. Vomiting, swelling, weight gain and cravings."

For an intelligent man, Geoff took a while to click as to what his wife was saying.

"You're pregnant?"

"I'm pregnant"

Geoff let out a wild cry and grabbed Laura off the sofa and started swinging her around the room. They were both laughing and crying. When the excitement had died down slightly, Geoff turned to Sara, his face still streaked with tears.

"Sara, will you be the baby's godmother?"

"You're wife has already asked me and I said yes"

Geoff let out another happy cry and pulled Sara into a gentle hug, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you Sara. This kid is going to have the best godmother and aunty on the planet."

Sara smiled at him.

"If you say so"

"And I do. Now this calls for a celebration"

Geoff disappeared into the kitchen and reemerged a little while later with a bottle of sparkling grape juice and three wine flutes. He popped the cork with a dramatic flair and poured it into the glasses. He handed each of the women a flute before lifting his own glass.

"A toast. To us."

Sara and Laura raised their glasses obediently.

"To us."

* * *

When the phone rang the next day, Sara let Geoff pick it up after all she knew exactly who it would be. Her results would be in and she had no interest in knowing that she was still sick. She could hear Geoff's voice as he answered the questions that the person on the other end was asking. He stopped talking after a little while and only spoke again to say thank you before hanging up the phone. He knocked on her door before he entered, taking a seat on her bed.

"That was the hospital"

"I know. Why do you think I made no attempt to beat you to the phone?"

"You're results are in. You interested?"

"Only if it's good news."

Geoff moved further onto the bed, his hand coming to rest over hers.

"It's a little of both"

"Tell me Geoff. I want to know if I'm going to get my life back anytime soon."

"They said that most of the lumps are gone but there are still a few remaining."

"How many?"

"At least twenty. They were unable to be completely determine the numbers but that was an estimate. You are slowly getting better Sara. Whether you believe it or not, you are getting better and the chemo is working."

"Did Grissom tell you that I was thinking about stopping the chemo?"

"No, I saw the wheels working in that head of yours. You need to give it a little longer, ok?"

"Yeah I know I got that same speech from the doctor and from Grissom. As far as you guys are concerned, I won't be stopping the chemo."

"Good. I would really hate to lose you to something like this."

"Oh really? How would you prefer to lose me?"

"When you're a crazy old lady chasing kids off your lawn with your walking stick"

"Great. Do I run them over with a mobility scooter?"

"By the time you get that old, they'll have mobility hover boards. But yes, you can run them over"

"Cool"

Geoff stood and helped her into her wheel chair with practiced ease. They went through the same routine every morning. First Geoff would help her to the bathroom and then into the kitchen for breakfast. She would try to get down as much food as she could, knowing that a large percentage of it would end up in the toilet anyway. Her almost constant vomiting had become a stable in the house and no one was hugely bothered by the sound anymore. It was scary. Then Geoff would clean the kitchen while Laura helped Sara shower. This was when the guilt set in. Two of her best friends in the world were sacrificing so much to help her that Laura was close to losing her job at the insurance company. Unfortunately, she was just as stubborn, if not more then Sara was and refused to budge from her post as best friend and guardian. Laura maintained that the company would not fire her she brought them in too much money while she worked from home. As for Geoff, he had used most of his leave before he had even really started his job at the hospital. Generally, Sara would sit on the hard shower chair, the muscles in her legs were too weak to carry what little wait she had, and Laura would wash her hair and her back before giving her a few moments of privacy to wash the rest of herself. That was one of the rare times of peace that Sara enjoyed. The hot water heated her persistently cold body and with the steam floating around her, she could almost pretend she was somewhere else. When that was done, Laura would help her move to another chair to dry off before getting dressed. Fortunately, with her hair now gone, the shower and dressing time was considerably shorter, even though Laura spent a fair amount of the time rubbing creams onto Sara's skull. Her skin had become so dry that it was cracking but thanks to the ointments that Laura had not only gotten from the doctor but also from the health store that Catherine had told her about, the drying had reduced dramatically. They would then move into the living room and Sara would get comfortable in front of the television. Laid out on the table in the exact same spot every day was a miniature pill alarm clock, a thermos of hot lemon honey tea, a jug of water, a large bucket for her bouts of vomiting and dry crackers. On the rare occasion that Sara wanted something more substantial, Laura and Geoff were both there, more then willing to see Sara eat something and keep it down. She had easy access to both remotes and Geoff had set up the DVD player so that all that Sara needed to do was reach over and put it in. Her life contained no effort and no real action but that was all she could cope with right now. Laura had tried to keep her in her room but she liked being where they were, milling around the living area, sitting with her and watching the terrible talk shows where moms confronted daughters who were sleeping with their boyfriends, that kind of thing. Her life had never been so routine before but she was too tired and too worn out to really complain. The only thing that brought a little spark was when she had visitors. And one morning, she had the most surprising one of all. She had just finished her shower and was trying to catch her breath after Laura had done a fantastic impersonation to Cher into her hair dryer, when Geoff knocked on the door.

"Hey Sara you have a visitor."

"K, I'll be right out."

When Sara finally did make it out of the bathroom, it was to find a stranger sitting in the living room. She had been expecting Grissom, he came over almost everyday and so did the rest of the team and if they were unable to make it, they always called.

"Hello, I'm Sara. I hate to be rude, but I don't believe I've met you before"

The woman smiled brightly at her and Sara smiled back. She felt a tug of admiration for the woman she didn't seemed shocked by Sara's appearance.

"I'm Alex Walker"

She shook Sara's hand gently and watched quietly as Geoff gently placed Sara onto the sofa, tucking a rug around her legs. He turned to Alex, a small smile on his face.

"I'm Geoff by the way and that's my wife Laura. Ok Sara, we'll give you ladies a little privacy. We're going to go for a walk but if there's any problem's call me ok?"

Sara nodded as she watched Geoff and Laura leave before turning back to Alex.

"I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but why are you here?"

Alex shifted slightly in her seat, the first sign of discomfort that Sara had seen from her.

"Well, the others talk about you a lot and I wanted to meet you. I hope you don't mind me coming here"

"Of course not. The rest of the team has talked about you as well. Apparently they really like you."

"I like them too. I do have a question though"

"And that would be?"

"Did Grissom tell you about……my situation?"

"Alex, don't be mad at him ok? He was trying to cheer me up by telling me how Greg and Nick have a crush on you."

"I don't mind. I guess that it's time to actually tell people. I make a point of keeping it quiet because that's what they judge me on, nothing else. In fact that's why I lost my last job."

"That sucks."

"Tell me about it"

By the time Alex left an hour later, Sara felt a tentative bond forming with the younger woman. She knew a little about her, thanks to what the others had told her, but Alex was much nicer then they gave her credit for. Not only did she fit in with the rest of the team but she was also good at her job, that much Grissom himself had told her. A high compliment from a man who rarely handed them out. By the time Geoff and Laura had returned, Sara was in a much lighter mood. She watched them come inside, holding hands and smiling and felt a great sense of relief. At least if anything happened to her, they had each other. She knew that they had lost contact with each other for a long time but that was the reality that was life. She also knew that even in that time apart, she still would have considered them two of her best friends. They shared so many times together, had done so much that it was hard to disregard their past. She would sit in her bed at night when the house was quiet and think about their times together. They had been the center of her life for so long. With the prospect of her death so close, Sara could not help but feel nostalgic. Hindsight was a wonderful things but she realized that there were not very many things that she would want to change.

* * *

Sara felt an urgent need to shower at the most inconvenient time. Laura and Geoff had both gone out and would be out for the next couple of hours. With the feeling overwhelming her, Sara decided that it was high time that she did this one thing for herself. Getting to the shower was easy getting her clothing off was another thing entirely. She kept getting her weakened arms hooked in the sleeves and her legs twisted in her pants. She finally got everything off and climbed in, moaning as the hot water hit her cool skin. When she was done she stood to get out of the shower but her foot slipped out from right under her. She tumbled to the shower floor, banging her calf against the sharp corner of the cubicle.

"Fuck!"

A long slash ran up her leg, blood flooding the floor, her head feeling light. She was trying to calculate just how to get out of the shower when she heard the front door open and close.

"Laura! Can you give me a hand please?"

The footsteps came to the door and Sara was waiting for it to open, instead, it remained closed.

"Sara, its Grissom. Are you ok?"

"No, I slipped in the shower and cut my leg"

"Ok I'm going to come in"

"No! Wait, at least let me cover myself before you come in"

"Can you even reach the towel from there?"

Sara looked around trying to find something to cover herself with but there was no way that she would be able to reach the towels on the back of the main door.

"Shit! No I can't"

"Ok, I'm not coming in but I'll reach around and throw you a towel"

"Alright"

Grissom's arm snaked around the door and blindly reached for a large green towel that hung on the rack. He threw it in Sara's general direction and then closed the door again.

"Thanks Grissom, you can come in now"

Sara made sure that everything indecent was covered and he crouched on the floor in front of Sara. He took her ankle in his hand and slowly turned her leg so that he could see the cut.

"It doesn't look that deep but we had better get it cleaned up."

He offered her his hand and pulled her up off the floor, using his foot to pull her wheel chair closer to them and settled her on it. Grissom paused to study her before handing her clothing.

"Put your shirt on then we'll get that wound dressed."

"I might need a hand."

Grissom turned away from her and she quickly put on her bra and undershirt.

"Ok, you can turn around now."

Grissom leaned forward and helped her with the main shirt, pulling it down so that it reached the edge of the towel.

"Ok, where's the first aid kit?"

"Last drawer of the cabinet."

"Right"

Grissom found the large red box and opened it, searching for some alcohol and swabs. He cleaned up the wound quickly before twisting her leg around so that he could see just how bad it was.

"It's only shallow, thank goodness. I'll put a bit of a dressing on it but try to keep it dry. The last thing I want you to get is an infection."

Sara stayed silent as he wrapped a bandage around her lower leg, making her wriggle her toes to ensure that it wasn't too tight. He did one last check before standing and examining his handy work.

"There we go. Did you want me to call Laura?"

"No, I'm fine. They need some time for themselves."

"Are you ok getting dressed?"

"I should be. Just wait outside the door, just in case I need some help"

Grissom did as he was told, leaving the door open a crack and listened carefully as she struggled with her clothes. Ten minutes later, she wheeled herself outside the door, a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead. Grissom took the controls and pushed her into the living room.

"I'll make some coffee"

"Tea please. I have to be careful with my caffeine intake."

"Right"

Sara stayed where she was as she listened to Grissom clattering around in the kitchen. It was odd having him here. Their argument had made this awkward for them and even though she knew that Grissom was not one to hold a grudge, it didn't stop her from holding one against herself. She knew how Grissom felt about her but the confusing part was how did she feel about him? Now that the prospect of getting better was a possibility, she could think about those kinds of things now. Grissom meant more to her then most things did and she could not imagine her life without him. So why was it so difficult for her to tell him that? Why was it so hard for both of them?

"Here we go."

"Thank you"

Grissom popped his mug on the table with Sara's before standing awkwardly beside her.

"Did you want to get on the sofa?"

"Yeah but I can manage by myself now."

"Ok"

It took her a while but she finally managed to get onto the sofa alone, Grissom watching her carefully. She gave him a bright smile as she placed a rug over the tops of her legs.

"So what brings you here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about a few things"

"Like what?"

"What happened that night after the club"

"Oh. I thought we had sorted that out?"

"No we didn't Sara. What I said…I was upset that you heard it because it was hard for me to admit the truth."

"I know and I said I was sorry that I reacted the way I did."

"I know but I want to know what your response is to what I said."

"Grissom, I can't just give you what you need."

"Geoff thinks I love you"

"And do you?"

"I had no idea how to react when he said it, he caught me off guard."

"But do you?"

"Sara, I know that you think highly of yourself but I don't really take that much time to examine my feelings on this particular situation"

Sara gave him a wide smile.

"I know. Don't take what Geoff says too seriously, he thinks the whole world should have what he and Laura have."

"Maybe they should. It works for them"

"But it's easier for them. They clicked immediately and there have never been any doubts or concerns. The rest of us have to work so hard to gain that kind of love. What I want to know is the truth Grissom. Is what you said that night, was it the truth?"

"Yes."

"Then why was it so hard for you to say it? Why could you not tell me when I was awake and actually coherent enough to respond?"

"I was scared of losing you, of scaring you and of putting pressure on you that you did not need."

"Did Geoff tell you about the hospital results?"

"No"

"The chemo's working Grissom. I'm getting better and the lumps are disappearing"

"Really? That's fantastic"

"So now there is no pressure."

Grissom moved closer to Sara, sitting near her legs on the sofa. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, a light sweet kiss that stretched on forever. He didn't touch her in any other way; it was just his lips and nothing else. He pulled back over a few minutes, giving her a small, sweet smile.

"I always thought actions were more effective the words."

"I'm starting to agree."

She grabbed the color of his shirt, pulling him in again for another kiss. This time she allowed her hands to move, exploring the back of his neck, his arms and face. He didn't touch her, his hands on either side of her head, supporting his own weight. She pulled away, frowning at him.

"I'm not going to break Gil"

He took a moment to enjoy the sound of his name on her tongue before speaking.

"I don't want to hurt you"

"You won't"

"It does not help that if I touch you, I don't think I'll be able to stop"

"Who said that I was going to stop you?"

He smiled down at her before moving in for another kiss, this time his hands left the sofa behind her and began their own exploration. They were so wrapped up in their own little world that they never heard the door open or the shocked gasps that came from Laura and Geoff. They only pulled apart when Geoff cleared his throat, watching as a flustered Grissom tried to straighten his clothes.

"Hello, I was just checking on Sara."

Geoff raised his eyebrow at him, smiling.

"Is that what they're calling it now days?"

Grissom gave a nervous little laugh before grabbing his coat. He gave Sara a quick kiss on her forehead.

"I'll call you later. Make sure you tell them about your leg"

He gave Laura and Geoff a quick nod before leaving the room. Sara gave the pair a wide smile and Laura laughed as she took the seat that Grissom had just vacated.

"So how was your check up?"

"Best I ever had"


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N - So this is the last chapter in this story. I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. And for all you sequal lovers out there, there is not going to be one. I feel like I have tied the entire thing together neatly and that there is not need for the story to contiue. But I am writing a new story, the first chapter I plan to post in the next half hour or so. So keep an eye out and remeber to read and reveiw!! Thanks for all the support guys!!!!!_

Chapter Twelve – Deadlines

It took Sara the length of Laura's pregnancy before she was on her feet completely again. She could not help the feeling of happiness as she took the wheel chair back to the hospital. Every time that she gained back more independence, she felt like screaming it to the world. She went back to her normal food habits once the chemo had stopped and her appetite returned. She was able to go out alone and actually help with the shopping. She also was able to consider life without Laura and Geoff there all the time. Laura was getting bigger and bigger with each passing day and she was able to do less and less. Geoff's focus, as it should, shifted from Sara to his pregnant wife and rather then feeling forgotten and neglected, she felt like she was part of the entire process. She knew something was going on when the phone calls started coming in and Geoff made it more obvious by always beating her to the phone every time. The pair of them kept going out to places that Sara knew nothing about. If she put her mind do it, she could have solved the problem but she decided to wait until they were ready to tell her. So some months after all the mystery started, Geoff and Laura took her for a drive. It only took ten minutes to get there but Sara was still a little too weak to walk long distances. Geoff pulled her out of the car, smiling proudly at the small, pretty house that was nestled between two slightly larger ones. It even had the white picket fence that used to be so big in the fifties.

"Do you like it?"

"It's cute. Does it have a backyard?"

"Yup, we brought it yesterday"

"It's beautiful. It suits you and Laura nicely."

"We thought so. It's not too far from your house either, we is something we wanted. Someone has to keep an eye on you"

Sara pulled Geoff into a hug, kissing his cheek.

"Congratulations, I'm so happy for you. Where's Laura?"

Geoff frowned when he realized that Laura had never gotten out of the car with them.

"Laura, honey are you ok?"

Laura was sitting quite and pale in the front seat, her hands clutched at her sides.

"Lu?"

"I think I need to get to the hospital"

"Why, what's wrong?"

"I think my waters just broke."

* * *

For the first time in a long time, the flurry of activity that ensued had nothing to do with Sara. Laura was rushed into one of the hospital waiting rooms, Geoff with her. Sara was forced to sit into the waiting room, twiddling her thumbs through the hours. She made a quick call to Grissom to tell him what was going on. The baby was a month early but if you went by the way that Laura had been growing, both Laura and the baby should both be fine. Sara tried to sit still for the next few hours but ended up pacing the hall, just as Geoff should be doing. When Geoff reappeared some time later, the front of his scrubs was covered in blood, Sara rushed to his side. 

"What's going on, is she ok?"

"I don't know. She started to lose a lot of blood and they kicked me out of the room. I don't know if she's ok"

"What about the baby?"

"It's not even out yet. She has some serious internal damage. No one picked it up during hr examination"

"She'll be ok Geoff"  
Geoff gripped her hand tightly, his eyes wide with fear.

"I can't lose her Sara. I can't lose her."

Sara pulled him into a hug, trying her best to remain calm. She didn't want to say that losing Laura would kill them both. They sat side by side in silence as the seconds turned to minutes then into hours. Eventually, by the time that both she and Geoff were ready to leap from their skins, a doctor appeared from one of the side rooms.

"Mr. Davidson?"

Geoff leapt from the seat, tears starting down his face.

"Is she ok? Is the baby ok?"

The doctor smiled widely at him, nodding as Geoff grabbed Sara in a big hug.

"They're both fine. You have a daughter."

Geoff let out the same cry that he had when he had found out that Laura was pregnant in the first place.

"I have a daughter. Oh my God, I'm a father."

"I'm so happy for you Geoff."

Geoff took Sara's hand and they walked into the delivery room, where Laura was on the bed, looking exhausted. There was still a bit of blood on the floor and Sara's stomach turned as she looked at the blood soaked rags that had been piled in the corner. She did not want to know just how close she ad come to losing her best friend. Geoff looked around the room, frowning at one of the nurses.

"Where is my daughter?"

The nurse smiled at Geoff, her hand on his arm.

"She's just getting cleaned up and weighed. She'll be back soon."

Geoff smiled back at the nurse and approached Laura's side, his hand finding hers. She opened her eyes, giving him a tired smile.

"We have a daughter."

"I know baby. I am so proud of you. You did so well."

"Where is she Geoff?"

"Just getting fixed up. The needed to clean her and make sure that her weight is ok then she'll be back."

"She's so beautiful Geoff. She has your eyes."

"I doubt it; she properly looks like her mom."

Laura smiled again, her eyes drifting closed. Sara gave her friend a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing one of the wet clothes on the side table and wiping Laura's forehead. She fussed over Laura the same way her friend had fussed over her, making sure that she was warm and comfortable. A little while later, another nurse wheeled in a crib, pushing it towards Geoff.

"Baby Davidson has arrived. She's the perfect weight and length even though she was a little early."

Geoff and Sara both examined the little bundle in the crib. She looked like a little bald monkey. Her face was still lined from the birth but Laura had been right, she was beautiful, all soft, sweet smelling skin. Even though she was wearing a little pink bonnet, you could see the dark hair poking it out from beneath the material, soft and feathery.

"Did you guys get around to thinking of any names?"

"A few but I'll wait until she's a little more rested before we try to give this little princess a title."

Sara stroked the baby on the cheek one last time before she made a move out of the room.

"I'm going to call Grissom, tell him the news ok?"

"Ok. I'm going to sit here and watch my girl's for a little longer."

Sara smiled at him before she left the room. She made a quick call to Grissom before going and taking a seat back in the waiting room. She was happy for them, she really was, but her life was going to change again and over the last few months, she had developed a firm hatred for the changes that dominated her life.

* * *

Grissom was a little late in arriving. He had been at work and had out his phone on vibrate, wanting to avoid any calls from Ecklie. When it had gone off, he didn't even glance at it. It was only an hour or so later that he had realized that Sara had called and he had decoded that he would not go to the hospital, he figured that the first child always took longer then most. So he was surprised when the phone went off again and she announced that a little girl had been safely delivered. He had to wait for a little while until he had to go to the hospital, he had to wait for a quiet bit in the shift before he could slip out. He quickly located Laura's room and found Geoff and Sara both sitting around her bed, their new daughter against her mother's chest. 

"So this is the new little Davidson?"

"This is her. Do you want to hold her?"

"If you don't mind"

Geoff took the baby gently from Laura and placed her in Grissom's arms. Sara gave him a gentle smile as she watched him with the bay. He looked completely cute and uncomfortable.

"So have you named this little one yet?"

"Ladies and gentleman may I introduce Riley Helena Davidson."

"Pretty name"

"It took us long enough to come up with so I hope that is serves her well."

"It's a good strong name, she'll be fine."

They stayed a little while longer before Sara and Grissom both excused themselves, leaving the happy family alone.

"I cannot believe that they have a baby now. It's hard to believe that Laura is married and has a baby."

"Weird feeling then?"

"Yup. They're moving out soon. They brought a new house yesterday."

"How do you feel about it?"

"It's good for all of us. There is no way that I would be able to live in a house with a baby"

"When are they moving out?"

"I have no idea. Her waters broke before I could ask."

"Do you need a ride home?"

"If that's ok"

"It would be my pleasure."

He opened the door for her, closing it after her. They drove to her place in silence and Sara only spoke when they were outside her house.

"Do you want to come up for coffee?"

"I thought you weren't allowed to drink coffee?"

"You can though."

Grissom followed her upstairs and settled himself at the dining room table, watching Sara as she made him a coffee and herself a tea. It was so good to see her out and about again, moving on her own without needing anyone to help her anymore.

"Here we go"

She placed the mug in front of him before taking a seat beside him.

"It's good to see you back to yourself again"

"I'm getting there. It's taking a while to get the hair back though"

Grissom reached over and ran his hand over the inch or so of hair that now covered her skull. It kind of felt like touching a hedgehog.

"You suit your hair short. I like it on you"

"You are a little biased though"

"True."

Grissom gave her a smile and took her hand in his.

"I've been doing some thinking"

"Did it hurt?"

"Ha-ha, really amusing Sidle"

"I thought so. So what have you been thinking about?"

"Us."

"And what conclusion have you come too?"

"I wanted to know if when you are all better and Laura and Geoff have gone, if you would be interested in going out on a date"

"A real date?"

"A real date. Are you interested?"

Sara leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, her hand running through his hair. When she pulled back Grissom was frowning at her slightly.

"Was that a yes?"

Sara nodded before she settled herself on his lap.

"A wise person once told me that actions spoke louder then words."

"Smart guy"

She smiled at him and leaned in for another kiss. The expectation for there to be something between them was there but it faded to a faint hum. She wanted this but she was glad that he said that it would be when she was ready not before.

* * *

Three weeks after Riley was born, Geoff and Laura moved out of Sara's apartment. Grissom had managed to get the entire team in on the moving process, which was handy; it made the moving go that much faster and that much smoother. Sara mainly stayed on the side lines with Laura and Riley, watching as the boys, Catherine and Alex moved the things from the truck and into their new little house. Things had changed more then she ever thought that they would. She had been given a clean bill of health and was officially in remission from the cancer. For the next four years she would need to have regular monthly checks to ensure that the cancer had not returned but Sara could handle that, after all the chemo, regular checks were not a problem. She exchanged a quick smile with Grissom as he walked past her, a large box in his arms. Geoff kept stopping to kiss Riley and Laura, still high on the idea of being a dad for the first time. She had seen the way he looked at his daughter, as if he was trying to figure out how he had made such a pretty little girl. He had taken to fatherhood surprisingly well but she would always see him as the party animal he once was. 

"So how are things with Grissom?"

Laura smiled at her, knowing what the answer would be before she even started to speak. It had been a long time since she had seen Sara this happy.

"There going fine."

"Have you slept with him yet?"

"Laura Davidson! Are you expecting me to kiss and tell?"

"No I am expecting you to shag and tell. Have you or have you not shagged the great professor?"

"I have not. There is a reason for it though"

"And that would be?"

"We are taking it slow. He also seems to think that he's going to hurt me."

"But you're fine."

"I know but try telling him that"

Laura laughed and kissed the top of Riley's head, breathing in her sweet baby scent.

"He's protective of you and I like him for it. It's high time you had more people like that in your life Sidle."

"I already have more then enough. The entire team protects each other. There's no need for me to have any more bodyguards."

"Grissom's the best one though."

"I know. He seems to think that I cannot look after myself."

"Sometimes you can't and that's when you need people like us to make sure that you are safe."

"Yes mom"

"Stop being cheeky and take your god daughter while I go and make sure that these men haven't put any holes in my nice new walls."

Sara took Riley and rested the baby against her chest. Grissom moved to come and stand behind her, sweat beaded on his forehead.

"How are you?"

"Happy"

"That's what I like to hear."

Sara rested her head on Grissom's shoulder and he kissed her gently. He wrapped his arms around her and Riley, pulling them close.

"So are you happy Grissom?"

"I have you, you're healthy and happy. Nothing would make me happier right at this moment."

"Good. Did you know that Catherine and Warrick have finally gotten it together?"

Grissom's face was the epitome of shocked as he tore his eyes from Sara's and looked at Catherine and Warrick. The pair were talking intimately, their heads close together.

"Well I never."

Sara started to laugh as she looked at the shock on his face and then the realization that took over when he started to put the puzzle together.

"God Grissom, you really are hopeless!"

He tickled her lightly in the ribs and she tried to keep her grip on Riley as she tried to slip away from his gently fingers.

"Stop it Grissom!"

He pulled her back into a breathless kiss and she felt her knees go weak. Her world had finally turned back to the way it was meant to be and for once, Sara was going to enjoy the view.


End file.
